Crisis

Greetings.


Oh, this can't be happening. This just CANNOT be happening. Joseph KNOWS. I mean, he knows I like him. I don't know if he knows to what degree my feelings for him are, but he knows I like him.

You remember Kenny Harris, Claire's ex-boyfriend? Well, it seems he has decided to take it upon himself to make my life Hell. During ALICE IN WONDERLAND, (he was a techie, and Joseph was Kind of Hearts, like I mentioned earlier) Kenny and Joseph had a chat. Apparently, during that little chat, either Kenny to Joseph or Joseph divulged that he knew. Either way, Kenny told me he knew. And, to make things worse, he (Joseph) is scared for our relationship. What do I do? I don't know what that means! Does he not want it to change? Is he afraid of what will happen if it does change? I NEED A MIND-READING HELMET!

I really want to strangle Kenny right now. For the past year (YEAR) I have been trying to dig up the courage to perform this great feat of love at graduation. Here was my plan: I'd take him aside, ask him to guarantee that he'd still be my friend even if I did something horrible and/or stupid, and (even though I'd only do it if he promised) then I'd have him close his eye (optional) and I'd kiss him.

THAT'S ALL BYE-BYE. At least, for now. All of my courage is GONE, what little there was of it. If any of you know me, you know I am not easily frightened. I have my phobias i.e. blood, death, the future, spiders larger than my forefinger, amphibians, reptiles. But those are so rare, except for maybe the blood and the future (ha ha), that I am not scared easily.

But this time... This terrifies me. He is my best friend. My confidant. God only knows, maybe my soul-mate. I love him dearly but I want his friendship too. If he gets too scared, he'll leave and I don't know if I can take that. When Freddy dumped me, I gained 40 pounds. Joseph means so much more to me than Freddy ever did. I don't know what will happen to me. Or to him. I think that, somehow, he needs me too. Almost as much as I need him. I'm scared. Scared out of my mind. More scared than I have been for YEARS.

Are you there, God? It's me, Harmony Margaret. The one you cursed with the longest name EVER. Please, help me. Find some way to help me. I need it. I would appreciate you changing Joseph's heart in favor of me, but anything to help is preferable than silence.

I must go cry myself to sleep now.


Hugz
HM