Goodbye

Greetings.


I don't know if I am going to be writing on this blog again. I... feel it is futile. As cathartic as this is, I need something more stable. And maybe someday I will write on this again. But... I need to leave. I need... closure.

My emotional distress is not new, but this one is... one of the most distressing things I have had to deal with in my entire life. I don't want to get up in the mornings. I don't want to talk to people sometimes. But I do both of those things because I have to.

Joseph is in love with someone else and has been for a LONG time. I have no chance against her. She is kind, smart, beautiful... everything any sensible human being would want. I have no shot whatsoever. And I truly do wish I had never met him. Because since he told me, he has been avoiding me. I went to rehearsal for a new show my troupe is doing and he didn't even say hi to me. He walked up to a friend of ours who was standing next to me and just started talking to him, pretty much ignoring me. He didn't speak to me until he absolutely had to and I don't even remember why.

I am losing my best friend. This is just what I had feared. They're all gone. I want to crawl into a hole and die. I haven't seen Bennie in weeks. I have lost all contact with Joss. Joseph...

I still email Ally every day and I see Claire all the time. But... I love them. They are precious to me. And now they're leaving me. I HATE GOODBYES! I never wanted them to leave! I want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

Goodbye, Internet. I'll miss you. Possibly for a while.