The Curiosities of Protection

Greetings.


Why do we protect? Some leftover gene from the days when chivalry was as close to godliness (aside from cleanliness) as one could get? Some sick satisfaction we get from it? A religion? No, I believe that when we have someone/something we love, it is pure animal instinct that we secure it.

Is protecting someone you love or care about worth hurting someone else? The answer this time, however, is undefined.

In the case that someone is pointing a gun at your mom, by all means, smack him on the back of the head with a frying pan. But when it comes to emotional protection, how far do you go? I am no psychologist. I am no counselor. I am a loyal friend and a fierce fighter for my loved ones. I just told Jasper to abandon the movie plan because he's still hung up on Mickie. I told him that unless he is fully committed to the idea of dedicating all of his time to Bennie, then forget it. I told him I wasn't going to help him pry Mickie away from Bentley because if he wants her bad enough, he should grow the balls to do it himself. I think that if he loves her so much, he should just LET HER BE HAPPY. But I know he won't listen. I know he's going to find some way to get into Bennie's heart and then break it three months later when he tells her that he's still not over Mickie. Hopefully he'll have the sense to leave out Mickie's name. But that's exactly the same thing I did to Victor, my first real boyfriend. (See "My Love Life Part 3: Victor Hausen") I was still kind of hung up on Freddy and Aaron and I strung him along for almost three months. For what? I cried my eyes out because I felt horrible for using a perfectly nice guy. Victor went into a deep funk because he thought everything I had told him was a lie, and Aaron and Freddy felt guilty that they were the cause of so much unhappiness. I hurt four people in one blow. And Jasper is about to do the same. So I felt I had to do something. Otherwise the guilt would torment me for years to come.

I still don't know how far you go to protect someone. But I know I'll go as far as it takes for no one to get hurt. And if I hurt someone in the process, I have failed. I like to think I am a selfless person in one respect: I will protect anyone I love with everything that I have, but if I save someone else from pain even if it causes my heart to suffer, I will live with it. I will sacrifice my own pleasure, for the most part, for someone else, or even more than one, to find love and happiness. And I'd like to think that my reprimand of Jasper helped someone. Maybe not me, maybe not him, but maybe Bennie, Mickie, and Bentley. I won't know until I receive that hysterical phone call/brother in my room if I have helped anyone.

But I hope I did.


Hugz
HM

Finals: Day 2

Greetings.


Yesterday, I had two finals that weren't really finals. AP English was just our AP test so we all got automatic A pluses. And then I had choir and we just watched our final projects. So, no real finals. Soooooooo easy. I miss Chase. I miss not seeing him every day.

Okay I have my guest list for my party. Submit it for your approval: Claire, Ally, Bennie, Joss, Joseph, Jasper, Pauley, Bentley, Bentley's best friend Toby, Freddy, Chase, Ernie, and my friend from when I went to church briefly named Eve Knightly. (And don't go pronouncing her name all WALL-E like, it's "Eev" not "Eevah", okay?) I don't know how many people will come. And I onlycare if my four sisters and Joseph show. But I really want Pauley to be there. He's one of my oldest friends form way before I met Bennie, Joss, and Joseph. His mom was my second grade teacher. That's how far back we go, even farther, really, to preschool. So technically I knew him before I met Claire too... And truthfully I wish so very much that Jake could be here. Jake moved to a city two and a half hours from me and I miss him dreadfully...

And I've decided against inviting Remy and Aaron. I've learned my lesson. No more trusting them. But I will still keep them in my thoughts. And thinking about Aaron doesn't hurt anymore. I'm growing, I guess. Joss and Freddy, on the other hand... gotta work on that. I'm still torn as to whether or not I should invite Stan. I only know him because of Bennie and I know Bev won't be that enthusiastic about me having my friends' boyfriends over ever since Veteran's Day, 2008. (Did I ever tell that story?) Freddy is my friend so I can invite him and Dad loves fencing with him. But I don't know Stan all that well. I hope he won't take it personally...

Now that I think about it, maybe Chase and Ernie aren't the best ideas... I'll ask them if they would want to come. Yeah, that's a good plan. =)


Hugz
HM
P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GINGER OVERSTREET!!! I LOVE YOU, COUSIN!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

Choir: The Last Cry-fest

Greetings.

Are seniors in choir always such big crybabies? I mean, if they're that good of friends, then they'll see each other after high school. Why is it such a big deal? I mean, I have four sisters. One I have known almost since birth. I KNOW I'll at least keep in touch with Ally, hopefully see her more often. Claire, I have known since I was five when we moved into our new house. That's not a problem. And I am not worried about Joseph. I asked him, "Do you think we'll still be friends after high school?"
He said, after thinking for about two seconds, "Yeah, I think so." So I'm not worried there.
And honestly, I am not worried about maintaining my friendship with Bennie, sister of four years, and Joss, two. All three of us want to go to the community college near our house and Bennie and I have even discussed being roomies in a apartment when we get out of community college and go to real college (which is also near our houses). So, I have no clue why these seniors are crying. Mary June was blubbering like a freaking baby and clutching her two best friends, Marina Brown and Malissa Green. It was weird. Aaron and I even made up, that's how sentimental everyone was.
However, there was one casualty. I had to say good-bye to my friend, whose chubby physique makes me want to hug him like a teddy bear, which I often do, Zach Lorrin. He's kind of like the anti-Harmony Margaret. I'm innocent and cute. He's... not. (But he's huggable, so that helps.) But he decided to take pity on innocent me and include me in his conversations with his best friend, Ty Aggart, half of which I don't understand. (Zach says that's good; I haven't been totally corrupted yet.)
Sigh... I am going to miss Zach, Aaron, Remy, and Ty. Aaron and Remy I have known for years. And Zach and Ty were fun.
Hmm. Now that I think about it I am not too keen on the end of the year... Oh well, I still have Bennie, Ally, Joss, Joseph, and Claire. And that's enough.

Hugz
HM

My Love Life Part One: Aaron Underhill

Greetings.

All right, for those of you out there who actually READ this thing, perhaps I should give you a little bit more background information. Mainly about my love life. Of which I have barely any. But enough to be interesting.
When I was eight, I met Aaron and Remy Underhill through my really good friend Pauley Border. They were on the local swim team together and we automatically hit it off. I didn't see much of Aaron or Remy for a year until swim team time came around again. By then, I was absolutely head-over-heels devoted to Aaron and the idea that someday we would be Mr. and Mrs. Aaron Underhill. But it was not meant to be. He dated other girls, dodged my calls, and as we got older, he just kept me around to feel better about himself. I was so "in love" that I was blind. He was a viper, a poisonous snake. He hurt me innumerable times over the years. He finally rejected me in January of 2008. But he really pulled a number on both me and Joss a few months ago. He started dating Joss (for two days) at my prompting. But I didn't know that. Aaron said that she rejected him and that he was going to kill himself. I panicked. I told him I would not let him kill himself. I cried. I texted my heart and soul out. I told him everything I ever wanted to tell him; how much I had loved him, how much he meant to me, and how much he would be missed if he was gone. He finally, after an hour and a half of begging and weeping, he said he wasn't going to do it.
Another hour later, both he and Joss told me it was a prank. They both lied to me about someone committing suicide as a prank. I was LIVID. A day later, Aaron dumped Joss. We hated him. Think "I Pray for You" by Jaron and the Long Road to Love. (Good song, look it up on YouTube.)
And then he broke his arm. I sent him a text saying he deserved it after all the pain he had caused me over the years. His mother, a woman I hold dear to my heart, texted back saying that she was deeply hurt by my saying that. After school that day, i tried to apologize to him, but he pulled out the guilt. I'd know; I did it to him all the time for missing my birthday every year and not even calling all summer to say "Sorry". Then I went to his mom. It turned out that she had absolutely no knowledge of his suicide scheme and that's why she was so shocked about my reaction. It fueled my anger even more. I cried my eyes out to the other daycare lady (Mrs. Underhill wasn't there at the time) and told her everything. She relayed the message to Mrs. U and she whaled (figuratively) on Aaron for being so heinous and lying and pulling such a dirty trick on me, an innocent bystander.
Now... I'm pretty much over it. I am no longer allowed to associate with Aaron, Remy, Mrs. Underhill, Mr. Underhill, or any of my friends at my old school where Bennie and I went to eighth grade. I miss Mrs. U, Mr. U, and Remy. Aaron, not so much. I'm glad to be shot of him. He deserved everything he got. And I am pleased to say that I have made my peace with how big of a scumbag he is.
You know, this blogging is very cathartic. Relaxing. Therapeutic. Thank you, Lee S. Wayne.

Hugz
HM
("My Love Life" to be continued.)