Screwed Up

Greetings.


Okay, I feel really screwed up right now. My parents are trying to ship me off to the shrink I had back during my Suicide Year, Dr. Craig, and now Bentley's missing school tomorrow because he has to go too. Something about his weight. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BENTLEY, YOU'RE THIN AND GORGEOUS AND NICE AND KIND AND EVERYONE FRICKING LOVES YOU (except for those bungholes who call him gay at school) SO GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!!!!!!!! But, no, Bents gets to skip school to go powwow with the Doc while I schlepp back and forth from tutoring to school to (ugh) home.

I really don't like home right now. I feel fine everywhere else. I feel good at SCHOOL. Yeah. I said it. I don't understand why Bentley is having a hard time. He is thin, he has a great metabolism, he has a pretty girl who's gaga for him, and he has good friends who care about him. Plus, he's got a sister who would love to listen to him if he talked to her. What's the problem? He doesn't eat much. That's it! He doesn't have an appetite beyond Cheddar Goldfish, chocolate cake batter, and raw vegetables. While I am worried for Bentley, shouldn't they be more worried about him if he were ballooning up like Violet Beauregard? (OH GOOD GOD MY BRAIN MY BRAIN! OH GOOD LORD ERASE THAT IMAGE FROM MY MIND FOREVER!) (For those of you who do not know, I have an acute fear of WILLY WONKA/CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!)

Moving on. (Shudder) I don't want to see the doc. I want to learn to be a functional adult without leaning on meds or whatever crap he's going to do to me. I outgrew that years ago. But my parents say I have anger issues (true, but only around them. HMMMM.), I'm distant (HMMMMM.), and I am moody. (FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY! I! HATE! IT! HERE!) No one is happy, we're always fighting, we're on the brink of fiscal ruin, and EVERYTHING IS SCREWED UP! I look back at old photos of me when I was five and say to myself in the picture, "RUN WHILE YOU CAN, LITTLE GIRL! IT ALL GOES DOWNHILL FROM THERE!" The same thing happens when I see a picture of Bentley around the same age.

Why is this all happening too us? Karma? (ha ha) I don't know. And frankly I really don't want to stick around here long enough to figure out why. I am going to community college, moving out, and then going to real college where I shall live in an apartment with Bennie and Joss, then graduate, publish a book, become rich, and spend the rest of my life happily married to Joseph with my son/daughter while teaching English at Horizon High School and never having to worry about money.

Happy happy happy. Can I fast forward my life, please???? Or at least get a Clarence the Angel to show me if any of my dreams come true????


Hugz
HM

Dillon Xavier: Satan's Spawn

Greetings.


Dillon Xavier derives some sort of sick pleasure in tormenting me. I have a Facebook account and I "liked" one of Joaquin Valdez's statuses. You remember Joaquin, the guy I lost the VP election to here at Horizon High School? Well, he's one of the most POPULAR, and for good reason, guys at the school. And Dillon, just because I liked his status thingy, is calling me his girlfriend. I swear, that fool is tripping on acid. Ever since freshman year in first period when he first laid eyes on me, he has made it his mission to make my life Hell. He teases me, he calls me names, he's sexist, he's misogynistic, he's selfish and he's got an ego larger than our national debt. He doesn't know when to stop. One time, freshman year, when our teacher was taking a call from the office in Spanish class, he and Tim Schreader deliberately got out one of those Spanish to English dictionaries and started calling me every single filthy, insulting, and vulgar names they could find. I had had it; I burst into tears, ran out of the room, and straight to the library, where I was safe. The Spanish teacher, Sra. Santos, made them apologize, in English and Spanish, verbally and written, in front of the whole class the next day. I liked that.

But seriously, he is possibly the one human being on this Earth that I truly, truly loathe and despise. Now, in my case, loathe and hate are different. Hate, there are people I hate, like Ian and Tim, whom I just wish horrible things would happen to. But loathe and despise, for me, are far worse. Loathing is consuming and it makes me want to hurt the person I loathe. I wish for terrible, awful things to happen to him, and I cannot help it. Nor, when I am so angry that I want to rip something in two, can it be stopped. Normally, I have enough self-control not to hurt anything living. But I will take him out one day if he ticks me off bad enough. And then... no one, not even Joseph, (well maybe if Joseph kisses me) will be able to stop me. That's how much I loathe Dillon Xavier.


Hugz
HM