Fans, or the Lack Thereof

Greetings.

I'm sitting here, watching JULIE AND JULIA, and wondering to myself, "Who on Earth is actually READING this?" It's exactly like Julie (Amy Adams) put it; I feel like I'm just sending it out into some sort of void. I mean, I know Ally reads it and Claire reads it from time to time but... that's it! That's absolutely it, that I know of. I know I do this because it's therapeutic. Heck yes, it's therapeutic, I get to whine on my own time and there isn't a force in Hell that can stop me because it is MY blog, MINE!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahakoffkoffkoffkoffkoffhack hack hack koff... yeah, even blog evil laughs take a lot out of you...
But... it would be nice to know, you know, that I'm not alone. One other person in the world who has a Mary June Laramie or a Nate Peck or a Joseph Matthew Morton or even a Freddy-Joss situation... Sometimes, I feel like I can't feel myself anymore... I feel like a different person. I don't know. I feel really like Harmony Margaret Walker's clone or someone else WATCHING my life. This blog helps... But it's lonely sometimes. Cathartic, but lonely.
Nothing especially exciting happened today. Dad sentenced me to job hunting from the time I got out of school, which is 2:30, until 5. Two and a half hours of driving around town looking for something that isn't there. Do you have any idea how much GAS alone that is? Sigh... I spent two and a half hours today alone in my Kermit for what? More job rejections. I haven't heard back from Jamba Juice, you know how I interviewed there last week. If you don't, I interviewed there last week. Twice. They seemed to like me...
But I was alone for two and a half hours, just me and Kermit and I realized something: I only like being alone SOME of the time. Mind you, while my baby Kermit makes a decent enough companion, let's face it, he isn't much of a talker. You know what I really wanted to do? I wanted to ditch all of that and barge in to Joseph's house. I didn't want to go home because I knew if I came home early it would be another fight with my dad and I'd be over at Nana and Gramps's house again. I didn't want to stay out, but I had no choice. I really just wanted to be with friends, Joseph specifically because I knew he would be home... I wanted to sit in Kermit and cry because I felt alone. Is that strange? A young woman sitting in her car, crying. I feel silly just thinking about it.
But you know... perhaps this alone thing isn't as bad as I think it is. Maybe people are reading and they just haven't commented. How would I know? (No one answer that.) So I'll keep writing. If for no one's sake but my own.

Hugz
Harmony Margaret Walker