The Paradox of Love and AP Testing

Greetings.

As I described in "My Love Life Part Two: Freddy Ackerby", Freddy broke my heart into a thousand miniscule pieces and sent me into a spiral of depression, causing me to seek solace in food products and gain 40 pounds.
And now he's dating my sister Joss. (I'm not worried about the fat part; she's got the best metabolism in the world, matched only by her new boyfriend.)
Let me explain. I had my AP English Language and Composition test today. (Every school in the nation who offers that class did.) I got to school that morning with the remnants of a terrible nightmare (my physics teacher, Mr. Reuben, revealed, during our final exam, that he was a cannibal by taking a member of the class into the room next door and splitting them with the Bennie's physics teacher, Mr. Graves. I finished my exam and then bolted out of the classroom, making sure to grab Bennie on the way. Then we ran by Joss and Joseph's classroom, bolted to my car, and drove FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR away.) and what was left of the review my English class had gone over the previous day. And then, when I got to the table that Bennie, Joss, Stan, Claire, her friends, Chase Fuller, Ernie Rodham, Louisa Tyler, and Kira Pulliam, and I share in the mornings to find that Joss and Bennie were discussing me. Weird. But not as weird as them revealing that Joss, indeed, was dating Freddy. The irony: I was just laughing at the impossibility of that happening (like seriously rolling on the floor laughing, so not kidding) yesterday with our friends in choir.
That kept me nice and distracted during the AP exam. Not a good thing to be distracted during. But the test was SO easy that I finished it easily and I think I may get at least a 4. So, no big. (10/1/10: I got a 5, by the way)
At lunch, though, I kept feeling as if I wanted to cry. I had to sit NEXT TO THEM. They had linked arms. They were being... well... the same way he and I were sophomore year. I couldn't take it. As soon as I finished lunch, I beat a hasty retreat to my Spanish teacher, Señor de Soto's, room, given that that was my next class. Even though I was ten minutes early. (AP test, a morning thing, had let out halfway through lunch.)
I know Freddy isn't mine. He hasn't been mine for over a year now. But... He was the first guy I truly cared about. More than Aaron. He was the first guy to truly appreciate me. Call me beautiful. Treat me special. Ignore the fact that I was physically imperfect and try to get to know the real me. The first to truly break my heart. And it still hurts. There's a bruise on my heart. I thought it had gone away... But the memory of how he treated me is still there. And now he's got Joss. What if he does the same thing to her? I threatened him, in a way.
I looked up at him (he's six-six, I'm five-five) and said, "If you break her heart the same way you broke mine, your stepmother will look like Mother Teresa because I will be on you like a John Deere riding mower on grass. You are no longer my priority. Joss is. And if you hurt her in ANY way, make her cry at ANY time, I swear, there will be Hell to pay."
I guess I did threaten him. Oh well. He deserved it.
On the bright side, I had an interview at Jamba Juice and it went pretty well. I may get the job. More details to follow.

Hugz
HM