War Is Hell, Love Even More So.

Greetings.

Aunt Pearl. TOM. Friend from down south. Glasses. War. "It" is called many things. And "It" came for me today. Uuuuuuuuuuuugh...
Basically, today sucked. I was supposed to meet Stan for tutoring and he never showed. I went into the library and found out why: There was a Link Crew meeting. So I went back to the dreaded lunch table. Normally, I love my table. I love my friends dearly. I like Lucky, Emma, and Pete sometimes too, Emma more than the boys. But... Freddy has been there. With Joss. And, while I am ecstatic that Joss is happy after whining for the last few weeks about how she wants a boyfriend (though she said someone who was OLDER than her, she distinctly said older; she'll be 19 in October [she's Korean so she got held back until she learned English] and he's turning 17, I think, in August, I think) WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE HIM???????????? Did she NOT SEE what happened to me?????????????????? Ugh, calm down, Harmony Margaret. Deep breaths. (inhales, exhales) He isn't yours. (inhale, exhale) They are free to make their own choices/mistakes. (sigh) But it still feels like someone is punching me when I see them and my nose starts to burn painfully, a clear personal sign that means I am about to cry.
So I went back to the lunch table. The two of them were there, acting, to use a word I should be called a hypocrite for, stupid and coupley. Joseph, Joss, Lucky, Bennie, Emma, Freddy, and Pete were playing BS, having fun, laughing, cheating... without me. My nose burned and I just wanted to run away. I wanted to run, out of the cafeteria, out of the school, out to my car, and drive. Just drive. I had to run, drive, and think. And cry. That's important too, crying. I feel so stupid acting like this. I feel like I don't belong there anymore. And I feel... second best to Bennie and Joss's boyfriends.
I almost did bolt. I swear I did. But then Joseph saw me and said, "Hey, HM, you wanna play?" I felt better because I remembered that I was Joseph's number one girl, though not in the sense I would like. I'm his best female friend. And then Bennie and Joss were all "Come on, HM!" so I played some BS with them. (Joseph won twice.)
On the way to class (Joseph and I walked together like we always did because our classes are in the same direction from the cafeteria), Joseph asked, "Do you have anything planned for tomorrow at lunch?"
I said, "No. Why?"
He said, "I dunno." I smiled.
"Joey, do you miss me?" (I only call him Joey when I am feeling extra affectionate toward him. I prefer Joseph because it fits his persona better than Joey.)
"Yeah. That, and I was wondering if you were bringing a giant cookie again." He was referring to his birthday (which is on Sunday) and how every year I bring treats. Last year, I even threw him a surprise party. You know those MasterCard commercials where they tell you the price of things? Well, Joseph's face: Priceless. Anyways, freshman year, I had brought I gigantic chocolate chip cookie. This was back when Freddy was in our Fantastic Four and we didn't know Joss yet so it was Bennie, Joseph, Freddy, and I.
I laughed and said, "I hadn't even thought of that until your just said it."
So I got him a piece of his favorite cake from his favorite restaurant and I think they only have this restaurant where I live, I don't know... But yeah, I got him a piece of cake.
Other than that... I hated today. I just want to sit back and cry. But I can't; I hate when I cry and Bev can hear me. I hate having her pry into my life. That's what Claire is for.

Hugz
HM