Pretty Okay

Greetings.


Yesterday was pretty cool. I went to church and hung out with the babies, my little two- and three-year-olds. Alison and Fritz were so precious. They even helped me color a get well card for Nana. Petrie and I hung out for a bit, then I had to take Joseph home. We went by Borders, got a couple of books REALLY on sale because the Borders in our town is closing, and then we drove through places for lunch. He got Wendy's and I got Burger King. I dropped him off, but he invited me in so I could finish my sandwich. I went in, ate, and was about to leave when he asked me to watch some of these parody videos that he is so fond of. Team Four Star - TFS - does these DragonBallZ parodies that are pretty funny. I have only seen the first ten episodes, but it's pretty funny.

Okay, so we watched the first ten episodes and I figured I had stayed this long so might as well play video games. I watched him play "Call of DUty: Black Ops" (much to my later regret) and then he finished the level - which was our deal - fifteen minutes before I was supposed to leave so we got in as much of our game as we could. Beforehand, as he was playing CoD, I was lying behind his head and smelling his hair again. It smells like soap and some sort of light fruit. Then while it was a bloody part, he covered my eyes and sat next to me. It was sweet.

But otherwise, these last couple days have been a bit mundane. Oh well. God bless our troops. (Sorry, it was on my mind.)


Hugz
HM

Worried... To Say the Least

Greetings.


Nothing is going right this week. I stayed the night at Gramps and Nana's last night, Dad and I fought yesterday about the stupidest thing - seriously, he just snapped at me for NOTHING - Joseph and I had a fight earlier today...

But none of that is as important as what's on my mind now. Nana is in the hospital. Everyone's saying "Oh, she's fine, she just needs medicine from and IV, that's all." Bull. Never in my life do I remember Nana being in the hospital. She was sick when I stayed there yesterday - diverticulosis, or something like that, I think I spelled it right. And she was in pain. But... today she was checked into the hospital by HER DOCTOR. That's the doom flag right there. That's like a newscaster saying, "A hurricane has been spotted off the coast of- PANIC! PANIC! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!"

I don't want to sleep. What if she calls and needs me? I know the chances are slim, but I don't want to risk it. Nana was there when I was born. She's who I run to. She understands me better than my parents. She's fun. She's my rock. I need my Nana. And though everyone tells me that she's going to be fine, I can't help having this gut feeling that something's wrong! Something is going to go wrong and I can't help feeling that way. I am scared for my Nana. I don't want to sleep. I want to go to the hospital and sit in her room and watch her, maybe sleep there.

I'm scared. That's not enough to describe it. Excuse my French in advance: I am damn terrified.


Prayerz
HM

New Year's Apology (With a Resolution In There Somewhere)

Greetings.


Sorry I have not posted in a while. My email with Ally was down and she's the main reader of my blog, Claire a close second. I didn't see a point in posting for no one. Plus, I have been kind of bust. Not a lot, except for finals (easy), but busy enough. Speaking of school, I am bummed that vacation went by so fast and I STILL haven't started reading GREAT EXPECTATIONS. It just means a buttload of work when I get back to school and I hate that. Poop.

Anyways, Christmas was kind of bittersweet. I got to see Josie and Jeremy and Uncle Sam and (ugh) Aunt Gertie at dinner a few days beforehand and I spent all day Christmas Day with Josie and Jeremy. I love my little cousins, they are so cute. And I had my family - Bev, Dad, Bentley, Sam, Gertie, Josie, Jeremy, Gertie's dad Lorenzo, Josephine, Nana, and Gramps. But the bitter part: I got five items, out of thirty, that I wanted. That's not even twenty percent. It's like Nana and Bev are TRYING not to listen to me and they do a really great job. I know, I know, "HM, you should be thankful that you even GET presents! Think about those kids in Uganda who are dying!"

Screw you. I want my fricking presents. (Though I did donate my entire bank account - what little was left, about two hundred bucks - to the Invisible Children fund AND I made one of those Samaritan's Purse boxes. So stuff it.)

I threw Claire a surprise party yesterday. Her birthday is three days after Christmas so she rarely gets a party. We went to this karaoke restaurant that she loves - we call it the "NASCAR Bar" because of the rednecks - and surprised her so badly that she screamed. I just told her that Joseph, Ernie, and William were taking her to dinner for her birthday and we did technically but I think she peed her pants with surprise. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! She loved it. And, through the magic of Facebook (yes, we have Internet in South Dakota too!), I managed to get some of her friends that she hasn't seen in forever.

Speaking of people someone hasn't seen in forever, JAKE MICHAELS CAME TO TOWN! I don't know if I said anything much about Jake before, but during sixth grade at Southington Heights Christian Academy, he and Pauley Border were whom I considered my best friends. We have kind of grown apart over the years, but the three of us always have a movie night whenever Jake is in town. (He moved north to Fort Yates.) So today we went to see TRON: LEGACY. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't my favorite. I hate the ending. Anyways, I was so happy to see Jake and Pauley!

Hmm, what else? I haven't seen my sisters or Joseph all that much, which sucks, but I did get to see them at least once. Joss, Claire, and Joseph were at the surprise party and I've seen Bennie twice. The only one I haven't seen is Ally and I have four presents for her! Perhaps I'll go over tomorrow. I need to sometime.

Anyways, Happy New Year from your favorite fat cynic, Harmony Margaret Juniper Leeann Heloise Walker-Lowell. Also, Merry Belated Christmas, Happy Late Hanukkah, Merry After Kwanzaa, et cetera. =)


Hugz,
HM

Poppy

Greetings.


If I ever talk smack about my grandfather on my dad's side, Poppy, I want someone to come over and slap me. Poppy, a stock market genius of an old man who was around for the stock market crash, is going to buy me a new truck, open a trust fund for me, AND pay for most of my college. I hate my family, but I guess that only applies to immediate family, because right now I absolutely adore my Poppy and I always love Gramps and Nana.

Also, CLAIRE HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND!!!! His name is Jean-Luc Slayton. He goes to our Gamer's Club, but he's not a prominent member. In fact, he is so non-prominent that I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE GUY LOOKS LIKE!!!!!! But Claire really likes him so I am taking them home tomorrow (maybe) so I can see this guy. Sheesh, I have been gone from Gamer's Club too long even though I am the Vice-President.

Anyways, I just wanted to share the fabulous news.


Hugz to infinity,
HM

Review: THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE

Greetings.


Well, Nana, Bev, and I went to see THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE earlier this evening. My verdict: Four out of five stars. It was good. I love Nic Cage. He's a great actor. His character is hysterical and he's hot. I'm sorry, but for a 1,000+ year old guy, Balthasar is hot. But then again, so is Nic Cage. You know, I think he looks better with longer hair. But then, that may be my own personal taste. On guys I like-

Okay, I digress. The guy who played Dave, Jay Bucharel, I think his name was, did very well at playing the lovable nerd. I adore lovable nerds. Which explains why I love Joseph. He has longish hair, glasses, and that confidence in who he is as a person. Very sexy. Anyways, Jay did a great job. The plot of the movie was predictable but I found it very interesting. I liked how they fairly accurately referenced Merlin and Morgana Le Faye. But as I recall, Merlin only had one charge (hello, Arthur) and he never died. Morgana led him to a cave and made him sleep. AND he aged backwards. Sheesh, they need to do their homework. Sorry, I am a big myth and legend fan. In fact, Greek mythology is one of my specialties and I was very happy with Rick Riordan and how he did his PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS series. He stayed very true to the established myths.

Anyways, good movie. Go see it. (P.S. ALFRED MOLINA ROCKS HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


Hugz
HM

Two Homes

Greetings.


(sing-song-y) Guess where I am! (stops) I am at Gramps and Nana's again. Guess why?

Ding ding ding!!! Yep, Dad and I had a really bad fight yesterday. Surprise, surprise. I'm thinking I may as well just keep a set of clothes at Nana's. I mean, I come over for NCIS on Tuesdays when I can. I come here when Dad and I fight. Hell, I just may as well just move about five sets of clothes here. I like it here. I'd move here if I could. But I forgot to bring Kermit, Teddy, and Pooh. So I have to go back. Shoot. Plus, it's really far from school and my sisters and my best friend.

Okay, I have posted about how Jasper and Bennie look super cute together and how Jasper and I are conspiring to take Bennie and Joseph to a movie? Well, I still haven't told Bennie and Jasper has decided Thursday is a perfect day to go see TOY STORY 3. Uh-oh.


Hugz
HM

Church

Greetings.


Well, I went to church.

Amazingly enough, I had fun. Ginger made me go to church. Initially, she planned on going to church with Roland. But finally I smacked (not literally) some sense into her seeing as Roland is her ex-boyfriend and we agreed to go to Nana's church. Luckily for me, Mr. M, Mrs. M, and Joseph go there too. In fact, they're head of the Worship team at Dove Creek. Joseph plays bass, Mr. M plays drums, and Mrs. M sings and plays keyboard/piano. They are a tremendously musical family.

Anyways, the initial service was good. I mean, I haven't LAUGHED at a sermon since I was eight. EIGHT. I was in freakin' THIRD GRADE!!!! I was in stitches with this guy, Pastor Sherman, and he was actually really nice. We sang (Ginger really got into it) and then we retreated to the Fellowship Room for coffee (yuck) and donuts (yay!). Then came the teens' service. The band wasn't as good, but Joseph and Mr. M were really good. It's just that there were two girls singing, one playing guitar, and one playing keyboards and they didn't sound as put together as the other band. Then the youth pastor, Pastor Dave, did a little sermon about joy that was pretty good, not as funny as Pastor Sherman's, but good nonetheless.

I can't believe I am saying this about church: I had fun.


Hugz
HM

One Week

Greetings.


Well, it's exactly one week from my birthday. Major psychage. I'll be seventeen. It's weird; the teen years are supposed to be definitive, a special event every year. 13: you're officially a teen. 14: you enter high school. 15: you get your permit. 16: you get your license. 18: you're an adult and you can vote. But 17 isn't as special or marked by something fascinating. Maybe it's the year where you can transport minors in California, but I don't know about other states. 17 is what I have dubbed the "blah year". Some of us graduate high school that year, and that's something, but the majority is 18.

Either way, it's one week away from my "blah year". I wonder what presents I'll get. All of my friends know this about me: I'm as impatient to get presents as I am to give them. I love giving presents as much as I love getting them. Christmas is an emotional overload for me, don't even get me started. But my birthday... it kind of lacks the joy I get for giving presents too. It's weird really. Luckily, Nana's birthday is three days before mine and cousin Ginger's is three days before Nana's. So I have SOME gift-giving opportunities. The problem: I never know what to get Ginger. She's flamboyant, larger than life, and provocative in her own way. She's awesome and I love her but because we have such different personalities, I never know what to give her. Nana is easy: art supplies, rom-coms, and Liam Neeson. (ha ha. Maybe i was thinking wishfully. I know I wouldn't mind Liam for MY birthday. I <3 British accents and Qui-Gon Jin. I'm a goner.)

But I don't know... maybe it's because "blah year" is coming, I am not as excited for my birthday as I usually am. I was reluctant to have a party, most likely because I hate seeing how many people don't care if they come or not (see "What Should I Do...?" from 5/19/10), and I just... don't feel it anymore. You know? That wonderful birthday vibe that kids exude naturally and a self-conscious women turning thirty has to fake. Maybe I'm worried about getting older. You know how, when you're a kid, you want to grow up?

WHAT WERE WE THINKING?

The future frightens me, and a birthday is just a stepping stone to that fear, I guess. But the presents help. =)


Hugz
HM

Really Old Yeller

Greetings.

Why is it that whenever Ally's email is over quota, I have a crisis that I need to talk to her about? (Neither of us are phone people.) Dad yelled at me again about me getting a job. Now, I had had a TERRIBLE, AWFUL, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY. And him yelling at me just sent me over the edge. I almost, ALMOST, hit him or threw what I was holding (my heavy history and Spanish books, keys, sunglasses, Joseph's gift card to Game Stop) at him, but I didn't. I threw them into the dining room; I knocked over two chairs, 'cause I threw my backpack too. Then I shouted, "I'm going to my room!" and stalked there. I'm proud of myself. I didn't slam the door. Immediately I called Bev and asked if I could stay with Nana and Gramps.
So that's where I am now.
Nana, Gramps, and I went to dinner and they told me all sorts of stories about Bev and Uncle Sam. Bev was married to this guy before she met dad; his name was Raphael. Let's just say they didn't part on amicable terms. Anyways, she went to live in Uncle Sam's apartment building, which was, like, 100 years old and had three million cockroaches in it. Nana said that when you opened the cupboard, they fell onto your head. Bev confirmed it. I thought that Nana was exaggerating... Anyways, Nana was dying laughing when she remembered that, when that big earthquake hit Chico, where Bev and Uncle Sam had lived for a while, all the new buildings fell down around that old one. Gramps said (this was what made Nana laugh) that all the cockroaches had linked their arms together and made the building stand. He reasoned that there were enough of them to do it. Nana just laughed.
I like staying at Gramps and Nana's house. I'm really tired of Dad yelling. Bev yells too, but not as often. This is the third month in a row that I have sought shelter at Nana and Gramps's house. Maybe I should just stay here. Bev and Dad have Bentley.
I called Joseph on the way to their house. I cried most of the time. He was really quiet. When I told him that I wanted to move to Gramps and Nana's house, he said, "HM, please don't move." I think that's the closest he's ever come to saying that he really cares about me a whole lot. The second place one was during freshman year. Bev got offered this big promotion in another city and we almost had to move. When I told my friends we might be moving (this was before Joss, mind you), Bennie almost started to cry and Freddy and Joseph got really quiet. Freddy said, "Please, HM, don't go."
Joseph said, "Yeah, HM. We'd miss you."
I feel better. I still haven't talked to my dad. Nor do I care to right now. He doesn't seem to be able to get this through his head: THERE. ARE. NO. JOBS. But leave it to Dad to be ignorant of this one key point.
I'm tired of being second best. I can't get anything I'm qualified for. I never get the leads in my plays (except one, but after eight years, pfft, might as well be forever), I can't get a solo while the choir's rich snobby president, Mary June Laramie, (I know it doesn't sound snobby, but she is) gets two that I wanted and probably more since our choir teacher, Mr. Privett, hasn't announced all of the solos yet, and I get straight A's yet I still get yelled at. Bentley messes up more than I do; he doesn't do his homework, he slacks off, and he's rude to me. Yet he has not been yelled at in weeks and he has NEVER been yelled at bad enough to call Nana and Gramps. I'm seriously sick and tired of coming in second, of not being good enough. And you know what the cruel part is?
I can't do a thing to change it. Mr. Privett chooses the solos, there's always someone less talented yet yet prettier than me for the leads, and Dad will always yell at me because Bentley has taken over my role as "the good one". I can't find a job. I'm only sixteen! I get straight A's, I care for my friends, I do my homework, I cook, I take care of Bentley, I drive him EVERYWHERE, and what do I get? A FREAKING "YOU NEED A JOB, HARMONY MARGARET WALKER!"
Here's a thought, Dad: If I'm working my butt off at a job, who's going to do the driving, cooking, and slaving that I so conveniently do?
Eat that, Dad.

Hugz (and a chokehold for Dad)
HM

The Past Three Days

Greetings.

I hope you missed me! Quite a bit has happened in the last three days. So I think I'll start with Wednesday.
Wednesday, I stayed home from school with a bad case of cramps and post-fight nausea. (As I wrote earlier, I had a HORRIBLE fight with my parents.) And then I went over to Gramps and Nana's house. Nana and I went to Jamba Juice where I applied for a job and then she, Gramps, and I went to dinner. Afterwards Nana and I went to see ALICE IN WONDERLAND (for the third time!!!!!!!!!!!!!).
Thursday, Nana took me to breakfast and then I went to school... yuck. Me no likey school. I have premature senioritis. Then after school I went over to Joseph's house for dinner around 6:30. I didn't come home until 10:45. I had so much fun. His cousin Jasper came over and I got him into PHINEAS AND FERB. I feel very proud of myself. Anyways, I was over there because they were having a dinner for all the family because of his grandma's passing. And I realized something: JOSEPH IS A FREAKING ROBOT. If anything happened to Nana, I'd be absolutely devastated. Joseph has not cried once!!!! It's driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!
Today, quiz in math, blah blah blah. I went to the reception for Joseph and Jasper's grandma's funeral. Joseph was quieter than usual. And Jasper was a lot more pensive. But they were basically themselves. They were quoting movies, speaking Mandalorian, and being generally randomly weird. I kissed Joseph on the cheek again (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but he wiped it off his cheek. I almost cried as I drove home. I was very close... (sob)
Perhaps I should explain Jasper. Jasper is a year younger than Joseph than I. (Joseph is 23 days older than I) He is like Joseph's brother and they look remarkably alike, except Joseph has his mother's Mexican skin and Jasper does not. They both wear glasses, they both love STAR WARS (though Jasper is more of a Trekker), and they love anything that has to do with movies and/or music. Jasper likes the same girl Bentley likes, though I am not sure if Bentley realizes it. Sometimes I don't know if he knows he likes this girl. Her name is Mickie Phineas. Her real full name is Mikayla, but she hates it so we call her Mickie. Anyways, Jasper and Bentley both like her, I'm sure.

Hugz
HM

Ummm...

Greetings.

I had a fight with my dad and Bev. So I'm going over to Gramps and Nana's house tomorrow. I'm staying the night tomorrow. I just... need to be away from Dad right now. I always feel bad about shouting, but as you may have read in my past blog, I was PISSED. So I took it all out on him. (But come on, he kind of deserved it. He took away EVERY SINGLE PENNY I EVER EARNED. He deserved something.)
So if I don't post tomorrow, you'll know why.

Hugz (and all my love)
HM

Easter Bunny

Greetings.

Today, as most people know, is/was Easter. And that is one of the many days a year we assemble with our families, catch up, and participate the cliché that is the Brunch.
My family is no exception. Nana and Gramps met Dad, Bev, Bentley, and I at the Double Tree at nine. Uncle Sam, Aunt Gertie, Jeremy, and Josie couldn't make it this year. However, the adults decided mutually that the service has slipped at the Double Tree ever since their favorite manager was laid off, so for Mother's Day (another cliché brunch day) we're hunting for a new spot to eat brunch at. Wheeee...
Then we all retreated to Nana and Gramps's house for (oy vey) Easter Egg Hunting. There are two kinds of eggs: hard-boiled and hollow plastic ones with money in them. I got the most on both counts. I got $26 and 13 out of 25 eggs. Basically, I beat the snot out of Bentley. Oh well. He got the better Easter basket. For some reason, whenever there's a gift giving holiday, Nana and Bev always ask for a wish list from me. Understandable. But then they go and buy me things that aren't even CLOSE to my wish list and that I have told them over and over and OVER that I don't use/want. Today I got lotion, those StrapPerfect thingies, hair products, a new perfume, two pairs of earrings, a stuffed bunny, the movie GUYS AND DOLLS, and UP. I asked for, out of all of that, UP. I will not use the lotion, GUYS AND DOLLS, the StrapPerfect thingies, half of the hair products, (seriously the clips they got me have these little bangles on them only suitable for girls 7 and under) and the stuffed bunny. I will use the perfume and the earrings and UP. That's it. And whenever I try to tell Nana and Bev that I don't like the stuff and that I want them to stick a LOT more closely to my wish list so that we can avoid these confrontations in the future, they yell and get mad at me. They always get Bentley stuff that he'll use and have fun with. Whereas, with me, they get me three out of fifteen things that I'll use/have fun with. AND THEY DON'T GET IT!!!!!!!
My dad's best friend, Stuart Farley, is coming to stay with us for a little while. He's going to teach a class at my dad's school. Something about screenwriting. Stu (as he lets me and Bentley call him) is awesome and Dad is always so excited when he gets to see him. Stu lives about one hundred and fifty miles away from us, three hours through winding mountain roads, so Dad and Stu don't get to see each other that much. Whenever Stu comes, he tells what we call "Luke Stories", about my dad. (Whose name, I forgot to tell you is Luke Walker. No pun intended.) Anyways, these Luke Stories are very funny because my dad was a big old idiot when he was younger. There are too many stories for me to recount a few without having to tell more and more and more because some of them build on each other. But Stu has been working on a book about my dad so I'll let you know when that comes out.
I've got to go. We're taking Stu out to dinner.

Hugz
HM