Alone... and Hairspray

Greetings.


Why is it that when I want to be alone the most, people always come at me, demanding me to be social and hang out and "stop being such a grouch, HM, and play Scrabble with us!" I am fairly solitary, happy in myself and my thoughts. But then, when I want company the most, like when I'm driving home after school in Animal... I don't have anyone. Claire joined the stupid swim team (WHO THE HELL IN NORTH DAKOTA WOULD SWIM IN JANUARY/FEBRUARY?) and Joseph, Ernie, William, and Todd already have rides home the days that they don't have band practice. Or in AP English class. We're separated by sixes (sometimes sevens) into discussion groups all the time. I am in the back of the room all alone. I'm completely serious here. My AP English class is full of that rare breed of animal: the SMART popular jerks. So the one class I wish I had someone to talk to, they're busy talking about whose party whom went to, what Snooki did on JERSEY SHORE last night, and crap like that while I sit silently in the back of the class, six empty desks surrounding me (because when Mrs. Frost initially placed us at the beginning of the semester, she actually did place everyone in even groups, except no one listens to the seating chart), and don't speak unless Mrs. Frost calls on me. WHY COULDN'T JOSEPH BE IN THIS CLASS WITH ME? HE HAS IT, BUT THE PERIOD BEFORE MINE!

I'm sorry... I just had a really crappy day. I was all alone again, Dad and I had another fight (I'm not at Nana and Gramps's house, don't worry), Joseph mad me angry when he chose his band friends whom he sees for hours upon hours a day over me, and I just found out that this fifty-year-old woman got the part of Tracy in HAIRSPRAY that I just auditioned for on Sunday. That's right. You read it right. Tracy Turnblad, a seventeen-year-old chubby girl, is not going to be played by a seventeen-year-old chubby girl (ME) but by Rosanna Salazar, a late-forties fat woman with wrinkles all over her face. SHE'S PLAYING MY DREAM ROLE AND I KNOW I AUDITIONED BETTER THAN HER! Bev and Dad say it's politics. NO CRAP, SHERLOCK! I can't catch a break... this isn't my little junior theater troupe. No, this is the big leagues. These people are weird. If they could cast a twenty-year-old as little orphan Annie, they would. They ALWAYS cast old. ALWAYS. But I thought if I could go in and wow them with my songs, acting, and dancing, then I'd be okay. But no. I'm not old and fat. I'm young and fat. AND APPARENTLY THAT BARS ME FROM EVERY SINGLE GOSHDANG PART I COULD EVER PLAY, EVEN IF IT WAS PRACTICALLY WRITTEN FOR ME! And the worst part is that Rosanna is GOING TO HAVE TO KISS A YOUNG HOT GUY! THAT IS JUST SO MANY FLAVORS OF WRONG THAT YOU COULD PUT IT IN A BLENDER, PRESS PUREE, DRINK IT, AND IT WOULD HAVE THE COMBINED TASTES OF DOG CRAP!

I know I'm ranting, but I can't cry today so I am going to do as much online yelling as I dang well please. Sue me.


Hugz
HM