New Year's Apology (With a Resolution In There Somewhere)

Greetings.


Sorry I have not posted in a while. My email with Ally was down and she's the main reader of my blog, Claire a close second. I didn't see a point in posting for no one. Plus, I have been kind of bust. Not a lot, except for finals (easy), but busy enough. Speaking of school, I am bummed that vacation went by so fast and I STILL haven't started reading GREAT EXPECTATIONS. It just means a buttload of work when I get back to school and I hate that. Poop.

Anyways, Christmas was kind of bittersweet. I got to see Josie and Jeremy and Uncle Sam and (ugh) Aunt Gertie at dinner a few days beforehand and I spent all day Christmas Day with Josie and Jeremy. I love my little cousins, they are so cute. And I had my family - Bev, Dad, Bentley, Sam, Gertie, Josie, Jeremy, Gertie's dad Lorenzo, Josephine, Nana, and Gramps. But the bitter part: I got five items, out of thirty, that I wanted. That's not even twenty percent. It's like Nana and Bev are TRYING not to listen to me and they do a really great job. I know, I know, "HM, you should be thankful that you even GET presents! Think about those kids in Uganda who are dying!"

Screw you. I want my fricking presents. (Though I did donate my entire bank account - what little was left, about two hundred bucks - to the Invisible Children fund AND I made one of those Samaritan's Purse boxes. So stuff it.)

I threw Claire a surprise party yesterday. Her birthday is three days after Christmas so she rarely gets a party. We went to this karaoke restaurant that she loves - we call it the "NASCAR Bar" because of the rednecks - and surprised her so badly that she screamed. I just told her that Joseph, Ernie, and William were taking her to dinner for her birthday and we did technically but I think she peed her pants with surprise. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! She loved it. And, through the magic of Facebook (yes, we have Internet in South Dakota too!), I managed to get some of her friends that she hasn't seen in forever.

Speaking of people someone hasn't seen in forever, JAKE MICHAELS CAME TO TOWN! I don't know if I said anything much about Jake before, but during sixth grade at Southington Heights Christian Academy, he and Pauley Border were whom I considered my best friends. We have kind of grown apart over the years, but the three of us always have a movie night whenever Jake is in town. (He moved north to Fort Yates.) So today we went to see TRON: LEGACY. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't my favorite. I hate the ending. Anyways, I was so happy to see Jake and Pauley!

Hmm, what else? I haven't seen my sisters or Joseph all that much, which sucks, but I did get to see them at least once. Joss, Claire, and Joseph were at the surprise party and I've seen Bennie twice. The only one I haven't seen is Ally and I have four presents for her! Perhaps I'll go over tomorrow. I need to sometime.

Anyways, Happy New Year from your favorite fat cynic, Harmony Margaret Juniper Leeann Heloise Walker-Lowell. Also, Merry Belated Christmas, Happy Late Hanukkah, Merry After Kwanzaa, et cetera. =)


Hugz,
HM

THE NEW RULES OF HIGH SCHOOL

Greetings.


Category: Book Subjects.

Drugs. Sex. Alcohol. High Schoolers taking part in all of these things.

Ding! Harmony Margaret, what is your answer?

"Um, what are things that I NEVER EVER EVER EVER really want to read about?"

Well, if you understood that, then you get the idea of my reaction to THE NEW RULES OF HIGH SCHOOL by Blake Nelson. This book kept building and building and BUILDING to something awesome or interesting, but it turned to crap. Nothing gratifying came out of it. Nothing! Why is this author so well-known? One of his books, GIRL, is a movie. Why? If all of his books are like this, why would anyone want to read them? It has sloppy, choppy writing, no description WHATSOEVER (and, coming from someone who HATES description, is saying a lot), and no real point. There's a lot of dialogue, which I really enjoy, but it served no real purpose and added absolutely nothing to the story. Punctuation and well-developed syntax are completely ignored. The sentences are short and bland. WHY DID PEOPLE LIKE THIS?

Two good authors - an award-winning author and an executive editor of a youth magazine - seemed to adore this book, even going so far as to compare it to CATCHER IN THE RYE. ...Wow. Just wow. Why? I have never read CATCHER, but everyone I know who has read it deems it as a classic. (However, if it is anything like this book I just read, I think I'll stay away from it.)

Anyways, I just read a crappy book and it's two days of my life I will never get back. That. Sucks. Major. Rocks.

Oh, and I spent all morning with Joseph. We had a late start and I gave him a ride. WHEEEEE!


Hugz
HM

A Christmas Carol/A Charlie Brown Christmas

Greetings.


Well, I had an amazing day today and yesterday. So far, church was fun, I had brunch with Nana, and i am going to see TANGLED with Chase later on. But yesterday was awesome.

We had our last shows of A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS/A CHRISTMAS CAROL yesterday (Joseph, who played Bob Cratchit, made me cry every time and I hate crying) and we went to the cast party with Claire, Jasper, Joseph, Bentley, and all of Bentley's little groupies whom I care nothing about. At the cast party, Jasper, Donna (you know, the show off-y prima donna [oh, the irony] whom I don't care much for), and I were singing the song "Men in Tights" from the Mel Brooks film of almost the exact same name but we had used it last year in our production of ROBIN HOOD. Soon, the entire side room of Sammy's Pizza Parlor that we had invaded at the cast party was singing along with us and Jasper, Bentley, and another kid named Curtis performed the dance that they did in the play and at the Toby awards. It. Was. Hysterical.

On the way home, Claire, Bentley, Dad, and I had a very real near-death experience, I crap you not. Dad was driving because I can't drive after 11 p.m. until I turn 18 and it was 12:15. Out of nowhere, this drunk idiot in a Corvette (rare around East Westerfield) barely missed us and then continued swerving back and forth, back and forth, until he turned into his neighborhood. It scared the living CRAP out of us. Claire and I jumped and Bentley dropped his iPhone (which he never has out of his hands, I swear). We almost died. Scary as Hell. However, Ally knows what to do if I die early. So does Claire, but she was in the car too.

Anyways, I enjoyed all of the quality time I had with joseph and I cannot wait for the next show that we are in. Plus. Claire and Bentley had a lot of fun too.


Hugz
HM

Christmas... and Scroogedom

Greetings.


Bev has a Christmas complex. I swear. She insists, the SECOND that Thanksgiving is over, that Christmas is ushered in. She set up the Christmas tree THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING. It's like, "Hey. pig out, eat the food! 12:01 a.m.? Oh, no! JESUS WILL BE MAD AT ME IF I DON'T SET UP THE TREE RIGHT THIS SECOND!" Yes, that's pretty much what she's like. She loves Christmas. Like, she would cheat on Dad with it if she could.

I love Christmas too. WHEN IT'S FRICKING DECEMBER!!!!!!!!! It's not even December and we're suiting up for Christmas. Does anyone else think that this is wrong? For one, Jesus's birthday was in the SUMMER. But let's ignore that for a moment. Aren't there supposed to be twelve days of Christmas? So why are we starting to prepare for it twelve WEEKS before it?

I guess you could call me a Scrooge - humbug and all that - but truthfully, I haven't really felt the Christmas spirit in a long time. Sure I feel good on Christmas Day and the presents are nice. But I can't remember what the Christmas Spirit feels like. I remember I used to have it... then poof. One year it was gone. Maybe it was during the worst year of my life - seventh grade, age 12 - that I lost it. I'm watching even THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC and he has great Christmas cheer. The biggest cynic I know loves Christmas. What does that make me? Oh, my gosh...

I am Scrooge! I'm seriously Scrooge! He had Christmas spirit with his sister Fan and Fezziwig and Belle and then he lost it and became a rich miser! I'M FRICKING SCROOGE! (except I'm not rich) Dude, I need some GHOSTS. I need help! HELP ME, SOMEONE! Oh, Lord!

On a related note, I have been asked to play a part in the Dove Creek Bible Church's Christmas show. Maybe that will help me get my spirit back. I used to be in play all the time at my old church - Southington Heights Christian Church, the mother organization to Southington Heights Christian Academy - and I loved it.

And now for something completely different. I had the worst nightmare last night. I dreamt that Joseph was on a date WITH A GUY FROM MY THEATER TROUPE (I am unsure if the guy from my troupe is gay or not) NAMED GARRISON OTTEN. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I HAVE NO CHRISTMAS SPIRIT AND I HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THE GUY I LOVE AS A GAY MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE GET ME SOME PSYCHIATRIC HELP!!!!!!!!!!! I woke up in a cold sweat, I was so freaked out. Mind you I was only asleep for an hour last night, I crap you not, mostly because I was stupid enough to watch the Nostalgia Critic's Old vs. New of WILLY WONKA/CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.

Guess what I have a pathological fear of. Yep. The fricking Blueberry in those movies.

I am going to go check myself into Arkham Asylum now.


Cuckooz
HM (Why so serious?)

Thanksgiving

Greetings.


Happy Thanksgiving! ¡Felíz Día de Acción de Gracias! Merry Turkey Day! Or, in my cousin Ginger's abridged words: Be happy or screw you.

Well I am happy. Oh, believe me, I'm happy. MY POPPY IS THE GREATEST GUY EVER!!!!!!!! HE IS SETTING UP A TRUST FOR ME TO PAY FOR ALL OF MY COLLEGE, MY CAR, MY EVERYTHING EDUCATION-RELATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right, you read me. I will never have to pay student loans or debt or ANYTHING! I can buy books and clothes and rent an APARTMENT until I either A) get my Master's or B) turn 24. HELL, I'M GETTING MY MASTER'S DEGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the best part is that I can rent an apartment with Joss and Bennie and all they'd have to worry about it their own tuition and books! I could drive them around and pay for rent and all that other stuff so that we could live near the campus and eat!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY POPPY IS AMAZING AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE ANNOYED BECAUSE I AM SAYING IT SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, sorry, I am just really psyched.

We had 18 people over for Thanksgiving as follows: me, Bentley, Dad, Bev, Nana, Gramps, Poppy (sadly, Mammy expired last year), Aunt Gertie, Uncle Sam, Cousins Josie and Jeremy, Bev's cousin Rue and her three kids, Anna (23), John (19), and Marianne (16), Nana's friend Josephina, Dad's cousin Clark, and Gertie's recently widowed father, Lorenzo. Yeah, we needed four tables. But the food was great, I haven't seen John in a while and he's my buddy (before I knew better, like, when I was nine, I had the slightest crush on him. He's an army man now.) and we hung out and talked about video games. Josie, Jeremy, and I played a video game after dinner (The Bible Game, and they love it) and I enjoyed time with my rarely-seen cousins. The food was cooked to perfection. The rolls were great, the potatoes were great, the turkey was AMAZING (thank you, Gramps), and the company was fun. When we gave thanks, we had a lot of laughs - mostly because of me, yay! - and while I was overloaded a bit, I had fun. (I love my family, I do. In small, intermittent doses.)

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and may the Lord bless you for the rest of the year. (What happens next year is out of my hands.) ;)


Hugz
HM

The. Best. Sunday. Ever.

Greetings.


I have no clue how to start this one! I'm just so happy! And dazzled! And very stunned!

Okay, I went to church today except I was kind of bad because I just stayed in the Fellowship Room the whole time with Joseph and Petrie. Oh, well. It was worth it!

At some point during the conversation about the Nostalgia Critic, Red vs. Blue, and the Cinema Snob, I said something wrong so he decided to push my face as usual. I went with it. Then later on he decided to tackle me with a pillow from the couch we were sitting on. He placed it on top of my head and pressed and covered my face. Okay.

Finally one time he did the same as the last time except he pressed the pillow on my head with his chest and then covered my eyes with one hand and right above one of my boobs with the other. I said, "If you're trying to cop a feel, I will hurt you." Halfway through my sentence, he moved his hand to my leg. I removed the hand, but I only did it because during all three of these, Petrie was watching. I have no idea how he reacted because my eyes were covered. I think he just went with it. I really don't know.

Mind you, I LOVED it. I know I described it poorly, but it was much better than it sounded, I promise. After church, I went to brunch with Nana. Then after I did some homework, I took a nap with Odie. A nice day.


Hugz
HM

Screwed Up

Greetings.


Okay, I feel really screwed up right now. My parents are trying to ship me off to the shrink I had back during my Suicide Year, Dr. Craig, and now Bentley's missing school tomorrow because he has to go too. Something about his weight. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BENTLEY, YOU'RE THIN AND GORGEOUS AND NICE AND KIND AND EVERYONE FRICKING LOVES YOU (except for those bungholes who call him gay at school) SO GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!!!!!!!! But, no, Bents gets to skip school to go powwow with the Doc while I schlepp back and forth from tutoring to school to (ugh) home.

I really don't like home right now. I feel fine everywhere else. I feel good at SCHOOL. Yeah. I said it. I don't understand why Bentley is having a hard time. He is thin, he has a great metabolism, he has a pretty girl who's gaga for him, and he has good friends who care about him. Plus, he's got a sister who would love to listen to him if he talked to her. What's the problem? He doesn't eat much. That's it! He doesn't have an appetite beyond Cheddar Goldfish, chocolate cake batter, and raw vegetables. While I am worried for Bentley, shouldn't they be more worried about him if he were ballooning up like Violet Beauregard? (OH GOOD GOD MY BRAIN MY BRAIN! OH GOOD LORD ERASE THAT IMAGE FROM MY MIND FOREVER!) (For those of you who do not know, I have an acute fear of WILLY WONKA/CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!)

Moving on. (Shudder) I don't want to see the doc. I want to learn to be a functional adult without leaning on meds or whatever crap he's going to do to me. I outgrew that years ago. But my parents say I have anger issues (true, but only around them. HMMMM.), I'm distant (HMMMMM.), and I am moody. (FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY! I! HATE! IT! HERE!) No one is happy, we're always fighting, we're on the brink of fiscal ruin, and EVERYTHING IS SCREWED UP! I look back at old photos of me when I was five and say to myself in the picture, "RUN WHILE YOU CAN, LITTLE GIRL! IT ALL GOES DOWNHILL FROM THERE!" The same thing happens when I see a picture of Bentley around the same age.

Why is this all happening too us? Karma? (ha ha) I don't know. And frankly I really don't want to stick around here long enough to figure out why. I am going to community college, moving out, and then going to real college where I shall live in an apartment with Bennie and Joss, then graduate, publish a book, become rich, and spend the rest of my life happily married to Joseph with my son/daughter while teaching English at Horizon High School and never having to worry about money.

Happy happy happy. Can I fast forward my life, please???? Or at least get a Clarence the Angel to show me if any of my dreams come true????


Hugz
HM

The Nostalgia Critic #2 (and Other Less Important Things)

Greetings.


Seriously, this guy is so funny! I am re-watching his review of MY PET MONSTER and he's griping about how they used the toy (yes, it was a toy first) on the cover of the videocassette instead of the actual monster in the movie. (It was the 80s, go with it) This is what he said:

"So let me get this straight: The children's plaything that you can get at Toys-R-Us for, like, $15, is a better special effect than this ANIMATRONIC CHUCK E. CHEESE NIGHTMARE!!!!! (spazzes out momentarily) YOU LIED TO ME MOVIE, YOU LIED TO ME! I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING THIS (points to cover) BUT NO INSTEAD I'M GETTING (shows monster from movie, shudders) THE F****** CRACK BABY FROM "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE"!!!!!!"

SOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!! If you have not checked this guy out, you must.

Anyways, Claire stayed over yesterday and Bev got mad at me for being a good sister. Here is what happened: Bentley went out with his girlfriend (hell if I know, she could be a Russian spy or something) Nina Burbank and a few of their friends like Donna Pickett, Viola St. Sebastian, and other kids from our theater troupe. Well, he left at five thirty-ish. He didn't get home until 11:45, midnight. I CAN'T EVEN STAY OUT THAT LATE, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! But I am getting ahead of myself.

Anyways, around 11:30, I begin to worry because I am a good sister so I use Claire's cell phone (mine's dead) and call him. I can't understand him, but he's alive, so okay. I tell him to call Bev. He doesn't of course, and I don't hear from him for the rest of the night. Cut to 12:45 when I call Dad, who is at Mr. Hart's house playing games. I ask him where Bentley is and he is amazed to know that BENTLEY HAS NOT RETURNED HOME (to his knowledge, but earlier on, Bentley said to call Dad). But our connection is cut off and he calls back a minute or two later and tells Bev that Bentley IS home and that, when I went out to see Bev lying on the couch asleep, he was already home.

Bev. Gets. Mad. At. Me. For. Calling. Bentley. To. See. If. He. Is. Okay. She says I was being inappropriate! WHAT THE HELL WAS INAPPROPRIATE!!!! I WAS TRYING TO FIND OUT IF HE WAS DEAD, DRUNK, OR NO LONGER A VIRGIN!!!!!!!! I WAS WORRIED!!!!! I WAS A GOOD BIG SISTER!!!!!!! AND SHE HAS THE BALLS TO GET MAD AT ME!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FRICKING HELL IS UP WITH THAT???????

Anyways, today I played third wheel/chauffeur to Claire and Jean-Luc. (I'm more a chauffeur than person these days, I guess) We went to dinner and then saw MEGAMIND (4 out of 5 stars, it was better than and 3.5 but not quite really a 4, so I gave it the benefit of the doubt).

There, that's my life for the past two days. Wheeee...


Hugz
HM

Poppy

Greetings.


If I ever talk smack about my grandfather on my dad's side, Poppy, I want someone to come over and slap me. Poppy, a stock market genius of an old man who was around for the stock market crash, is going to buy me a new truck, open a trust fund for me, AND pay for most of my college. I hate my family, but I guess that only applies to immediate family, because right now I absolutely adore my Poppy and I always love Gramps and Nana.

Also, CLAIRE HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND!!!! His name is Jean-Luc Slayton. He goes to our Gamer's Club, but he's not a prominent member. In fact, he is so non-prominent that I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE GUY LOOKS LIKE!!!!!! But Claire really likes him so I am taking them home tomorrow (maybe) so I can see this guy. Sheesh, I have been gone from Gamer's Club too long even though I am the Vice-President.

Anyways, I just wanted to share the fabulous news.


Hugz to infinity,
HM

Halloween

Greetings.


Well it is my first Halloween post and - guess what - I DON'T GET TO GO TRICK-OR-TREATING, WHICH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO DO!!!!!!!!!!! I am stuck at home. Ally is going trick-or-treating with Colleen and her friends from school, Claire can't trick-or-treat just because it's SUNDAY (right now, I really hate Mormonism), and even BENTLEY is ditching me and going to a party or something like that with either a group of girls from school or a group of girls from his game show or a group of girls from theater. (Notice a pattern here?)

Well, this SUCKS. Like, MARJORLY. I LIVE for free candy - especially Reese's and anything chocolatey and peanut buttery - and All Hallow's Eve is a cornucopia of free candy. I LOVE candy, as do most fatties, and I want some! Joseph doesn't even do Halloween. Since everyone else ditched me, I called him to see if I could come hang out but he's working on Calculus (I TOLD him not to take it, but did he listen to me, NOOOOOO) and his dad is going over to paint his mother's house so they can sell it.

...Halloween just got really depressing.

But anyways, I'm stuck here. I want to go out someplace but there's nowhere to go when you're not trick-or-treating on Halloween. And, Claire, if you say church, I will hurt you. Is it wrong of me to want to start crying? Ah, crap, too late...


Hugz
HM

Possible?

Greetings.


The question I posit to you today, dear readers, is this: Is it possible to feel depressed and happy at the same time? I think it might possibly be maybe possible.

I was at Joseph's band competition - which was awesome - and I was sitting for four hours on a set of bleachers which just so happened to be the most comfortable bleachers I have ever sat in with Mr. and Mrs. Morton. I love them. They are seriously like my second parents except I like them better and they cook more often. Anyways, they gave me a ride to Our Lady of Perpetual Health High School (OLPHHS... what a mouthful) where the competition was held and we had a good time. They got me Jack in the Box on the car ride there, Joseph listened to some songs from TOMMY by The Who, and we had fun. Then we watched, like, ten bands perform. They were really good. I liked at least 70% of them.

But our band kicked MAJOR BUTTOCKS. The Horizon High School Big Green Marching Team - the Marching Argonauts - (By the way, our school colors are, I crap you not, neon green and black) took THREE out of FOUR sweepstakes trophies with the theme of LES MISERABLES, which is completely amazingly awesome!!!! We lost to Liberty Bell High School in Percussion by ONE POINT. It sucked because Joseph is in percussion. But still, we won sweepstakes in Auxiliary (color guard) and our color guard usually SUCKS.

As the Horizon High band was celebrating/loading the trailers with their instruments, I got my weird mixture of happy depression. I was depressed because Joseph hadn't talked to me since we dropped him off - understandable, but now that it was after the competition, he couldn't spare a moment? - and because all of these people, a good number of whom I know, won't talk to me. Plus I didn't get a cookie. But I was happy because our band won, I got to see it, and I love good music.

I guess, in retrospect, the depression outweighed the happy, but it was mixed.


Hugz
HM

The Nostalgia Critic (and Hex Hall, which isn't as awesome)

Greetings.


Every decade or so there comes a genius - musical, cinematic, or otherwise - that provides us with amazing comedy by making fun of already existing creations. My favorite examples include, The Key of Awesome, DaveDays, Venetian Princess, and, the King of Parodies and a personal hero of mine, WEIRD AL YANKOVIC! (genuflect now, weenies, or I'll come and hurt you) But now I am pissed off at Petrie, this guy from my church. He has introduced me to (enter dramatic music that you can easily say "dun dun dun" to) THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC!!! (cue gratuitous lightning) He takes these crappy movies - TMNT, BATMAN AND ROBIN, HOWARD THE DUCK - and turns them onto themselves to hysterical proportions. I shall include his website below JUST SO YOU CAN SEE HOW FREAKING AWESOME HE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/nostalgia-critic

Anyways, watch a few of the movies. I, myself, have been watching them for FIFTEEN HOURS!!!!! (minus the few hours I was at dinner with Nana and Gramps) These are hysterical, addicting, and downright awesome. Not only that, the Critic is actually kind of cute.

Now, in the spirit of critiquing, I am going to attempt to criticize HEX HALL, a novel by Rachel Hawkins, that I recently checked out from Horizon High School's library. Ahem:

Hex Hall starts out as an interesting, albeit unoriginal, concept. Girl - Sophie Mercer - who does not know father is actually a witch whose powers she inherited from her father gets in trouble and is sent to a witch reform school where everyone is either hot, evil, sweet, or 2 of the above. She befriends a lesbian vampire (...really? As if vamps weren't getting enough bad press already) who turns out to be her roommate (NOOOOOO!!!! UM, HEADMISTRESS, CAN I SWITCH ROOMS?????) and is suspected of murdering her former roommate. ...Class, can we say "suspicious"? Then we have the evil trio: Chaston, Anna, and Elodie, self-proclaimed 'Dark witches' who just want to screw over the world and conjure up demons, who are more powerful than the shifters (shapeshifters i.e. Jacob), faeries (i.e. Sookie Stackhouse but much more obvious), and some of the witches and warlocks (what the hell happened to wizard?). Then there's Archer Cross, the studly boyfriend of Elodie, the meanest of the trio even though Anna seems to be the leader. Chaston and Anna, throughout the book, are found almost dead in the same way the vampire's - Jenna - dead roommate had been. So immediately, Jenna comes under suspicion. She has to go away. Well, Sophie finds her great-grandmother, Alice, and she begins to teach her really strong spells.

Everything's progressing nicely. Archer seems to have the secret not-so-secret hots for Sophie Big-Boobs (no kidding, duh, she has big knockers) who likes that just fine. Elodie makes friends with Sophie once her friends are out of the picture and takes lessons from Alice as well. Jenna's gone.

But then, OHMYGAWSH, when Sophie and Archer are making out and taking off clothes (SERIOUSLY?????????) SOPHIE FINDS A TATTOO THAT MAKES HIM A MEMBER OF, LIKE, THE KKK FOR WITCHES!!!!!!!! Archer disappears, the headmistress tells her to go back to bed, but no, Sophie and Elodie go to see Alice. Then - SPOILER ALERT - ALICE REVEALS THAT SHE IS A DEMON RESURRECTED BY ELODIE, ANNA, CHASTON AND THE DECEASED ROOMMATE OF JENNA, HOLLY, WHO KILLED HOLLY AS A BLOOD SACRIFICE AND THEN WENT AFTER ANNA AND CHASTON FOR BLOOD. Alice then practically kills Elodie in the same manner that she did the other two - two geisha nails to the throat, just like a vampire - and proceeds to drink her blood. Then Sophie grows a pair and kills her great-grandmommy by knifing her with a sword that is the only thing that can - OHMYGAWSH - kill demons in the world!

So it is revealed that Sophie is a quarter-demon and that she is descended from a specter from Hell itself. FUN!!!! BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS HER LESBIAN BEST VAMPIRE FRIEND RETURNS SO THEY CAN BE MONSTERS TOGETHER!!!!!!! But - what's this? Archer has still not been found. SEQUEL!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Okay, fundamental flaws: I care nothing about the characters. Sophie is underdeveloped, Jenna is a bloodsucker who is a lesbian rooming with her big-boobied roommate (anyone else see what's wrong here?), Archer is the stereotypical pretty boy (SERIOUSLY, JENNA AND SOPHIE EVEN SAY THAT, ALMOST VERBATIM!), Elodie, Chaston, and Anna are just awful, and it was a mess. Not to mention the story seemed to drag ON AND ON until finally in the last thirty pages Hawkins had to wrap things up so she did so hurriedly and very sloppily, thus ending the book on a cheesy and unfulfilling note. I regret spending the last four days trying to read this book. DO NOT READ IT.

Wow, critiquing is fun. THANK YOU NOSTALGIA CRITIC! (cue cheesy music, preferably something that can go with the lyrics "Here's a story of a lovely lady...")


Hugz
HM, BOOK CRITIC

The Eight Ds of Faith and Miracles

Greetings.


Today, I wasn't needed in Sunday school (WAAAAAAH!!!!!!) so I stayed for the adult sermon, which is unusual for me. I usually stay for Sunday school and then the Youth service, or just stay for Sunday school and then go have brunch with Nana. But today they didn't need me so I stayed for the adult service. Joseph played bass this morning (How sexy is he? He acts, goes to church devotedly every Sunday, plays several instruments, can sing when he wants to, has a nice butt, and glasses. I swear, I'd marry him if he'd let me. hee hee) and we sat with his parents.

Pastor Sherman's sermon was on Romans 4:17-25. Now, I never bring my Bible to church because they always have the verses on the screen and I am trying to ease myself into this church stuff (I'm still not overly used to it but I enjoy it, I think?) but I kind of wish I had. I can't remember who Ishmael was for the life of me and Pastor Sherman referenced him a LOT during the sermon.

I digress.

Anyways, he talked about miracles and the processes of faith and miracles. First, God DECLARES that he's going to do something for you. Then you make a DECISION about the DECLARATION. Then comes the hard part: there's a DELAY in His promise. He says that this is the hardest part, the "Wait Here" step. DOUBT enters your mind, DESPAIR creeps into your heart, and DETOURS present themselves. This is the part where I began to cry.

He finally says that when our hope has DISAPPEARED, God will DELIVER us. God waits for the circumstances to go from simply "improbable" to "impossible". God loves to defy physics. It's like his hobby. He's good at it. He has two specialties: life from death and making something out of nothing. Raising Jesus from the dead and putting a baby in the Virgin Mary are REALLY good examples.

But why it made me cry was because I was sitting next to what I hope to be my miracle. Joseph. I fell in love with him which I imagine to be God's DECLARATION that I shall love him. I made a DECISION: I'm going to be patient and wait out the DELAY. DESPAIR, DOUBT, DETOURS - all have presented themselves, but I am doing my best not to get too discouraged. Obviously, the last two have not occurred yet, but when my DELIVERANCE comes, I will be so happy I will most likely break the Internet.

I hope no one figures out I broke it, though. Maybe that'll be God's NEXT miracle for me. Ha ha ha.


Hugz
HM

Jocelyn You-Na Black

Greetings.


Jocelyn, whose real Korean name is You-Na, is a transfer student from Korea. Maybe I should say that she was sent here by her mother to live with her uncle, aunt, and cousins, who, ironically, I went to elementary and middle school with at Southington Heights Christian Academy until I went eighth grade. She was in my freshman Geometry class, in which I sat next to and perpetually joked with Joseph. (I still got an A. Who da boss?) I didn't know her very well. She kept to herself and only spoke when the teacher spoke to her. I don't blame her; her English was and still is, though less so, a little bit shaky.

I actually met her and became friends with her sophomore year. She was in my P.E. class and we were always the ones left without partners or teams or what-have-yous. So we were forced to partner together most often. I didn't mind; she was fit, but lazy. I was fat, but my heart rate easily went up for heart rate monitors. Soon she started cheating off of me for our weekly grade. And we started talking.

Sophomore year was hard for me, what with the Freddy Ackerby fiasco. Jocelyn came at a slightly bad time. But she started sitting with us at our lunch table late September. Her friends from freshman year had transferred or were ignoring her, I am still unclear as to that point. Nevertheless, we couldn't seem to get rid of her. It was she that brought Emma, Pete, and Lucky to the table junior year (who have since disappeared) and introduced Bennie to the delight that is "kimpa", a kind of Korean sushi that Bennie, Emma, Pete, and Lucky are all addicted to. Neither I nor Joseph like them.

There are a lot of things about Joss that I am uncertain of. Like why she left Korea, for one. Then there are a plethora of little questions like does she miss it. But I know one thing: I would never replace Joss, Bennie, Claire, Ally, or Joseph for anyone in the entire world.


Hugz
HM

Benjamyn Caroline Barton

Greetings.


Bennie is in one hyphenated word soft-spoken. She is the sweetest, most sincere, most loyal, and quietest person I know. But once you get into her head, she won't shut up. And we all love her for it.

When I met her in eighth grade, I was weak and vulnerable. I had had... a bad experience in seventh and I went to Eileen Herald Memorial Junior High School, where Remy and Aaron had graduated from the year previous, for a fresh start. A girl named Tanya showed me around, but she was one of the popular girls; she didn't want to have anything to do with me even though eighth grade was one of my thinner years. But I was picked up by a few others: a group of five girls named Darleen Lopez, Zahara Izyan, Lacey Griggs, Ana Dotefsky, Riley St. Norton, and, of course, Bennie Barton. By the middle of November, Zahara and Ana were gone and me and a girl named Toni DiAngelo had replaced them. Out of all of them, Darleen and Lacey were the most ruthless when they dumped them. I should have learned my lesson, but no. About the middle of April, they dumped me too. Only Bennie came to me and apologized. Only Bennie didn't want to do it. She had gotten into an argument with the others about it. But she and Darleen had been best friends since they were babies and she had to. I understood; I wasn't mad at her.

When we entered high school at Horizon (the newest school in the county and, only in its second year, had one of the best academic and athletic reputations in the state), Toni and Darleen went to different schools, Riley and Lacey pretty much stopped communications with Bennie, Zahara and Ana went their separate ways, and Bennie and I found each other. We didn't know anyone else except for me knowing Joseph and we needed someone. For the first two weeks, we stayed out in the courtyard and Bennie never met Joseph. But finally, once it started getting cold, we moved inside the cafeteria and we have stayed with each other ever since.

Bennie is amazing. She stays true to you no matter what, unless you betray her trust. She and I are alike in the fact that we trust too hard and, sometimes, not too well, as in the case of the other girls. She is shy onstage, only able to speak with someone else, preferably me (or Joss once sophomore reared its ugly head), with her. She is kind, beautiful, and dependable. She's smart and a fairly happy person. I love my Bennie. She is the one who got me into manga, first addicting me to FRUITS BASKET, and I dubbed her Bennie-chan, chan being an term of affection in Japanese culture. I love my Bennie-chan.


Hugz
HM

Clarysse Jennette Burns

Greetings.


I have been getting a lot of requests (mostly from the subjects except for Joseph who has never read this) to write an expository blog post on each of my friends. I already did Allyson, which sparked the whole request thing anyways, and I did Joseph. Quite a few times, in fact. So I am going to go from longest time known to shortest and, since I aready technically started with Ally, I am going to write about Clarysse, then Benjamyn, then Jocelyn.

...I just noticed that all four of my sisters have a 'y' in their names.

Anyways, Claire and I have known each other since we were five. My family had just moved into our new house and she and her dad came by to welcome us. We started to play a lot, but we didn't become best friends until Ally and I drifted apart mid-first grade year, sad to say. But this was back when I thought I could only have one best friend. (As of now, I am not going to have a Maid of Honor at my wedding. I'm going to have four ;) We played games and did normal kids stuff. She was most often over at my house because she was hardly ever happy at her own, but I sure as hell didn't mind. It was kind of like having a real built-in sister. Even BENTLEY liked her.

She's six months younger than I and that means, where we live, she's a school year younger than me too. (which is why I am not having any December babies) So we entered high school at different times. My freshman year was fine, as was her eighth grade year. It was when we started going to school together did drama arise. Freddy. Kenny Harris. Vic. Nate. Wayne. Guy troubles out the wazoo.

But I was happy. So was Claire. She had a lot of friends and no one was mean or spiteful to her except for this one awful girl in her film class, but she graduated last year, so yay! And now she has the first drama she's really had since Kenny Harris. Not only is there Ernie and WIlliam, there's now a guy who is A) a year younger, B) a SCHOOL year younger, and C) a member of her church. His name is Moral Camden. Basically he led her on and I called him out on it and now Claire is pissed ad both me AND Moral and I'm pissed at Moral and Moral is pissed at me. I frankly don't care about Moral. Once you screw over a friend of mine, you are dead to me. But I'm worried about Claire.

Claire is, despite all appearances, a fragile person. She never cries (I call her a Brit) but I know she's very stressed. She comes from a large family, she is the youngest of five, (I mentioned her older sister, Annegela, earlier on) and she got picked on a lot when she was little. So she sought refuge at my house. She's one of the kindest people I know and very trusting, something she inherited from me (ha ha). But sometimes, just as I do, she puts her faith in the wrong people and it cripples her. Claire is one of the dearest friends in the world to me, match only by my other sisters and Joseph, but I worry about her more than is probably healthy. Oh, well. It just shows I care.


Hugz
HM

Ernie, William, and Claire

Greetings.


Claire has a lot of friends: Kira Pulliam, Ernie Rodham, William Gottfried, Chase Fuller, Mickie Phineas, Lizzie Gomez, Louisa Tyler, four different Vickies, and countless others aside from myself, Bennie, Joss, and Joseph. Well, two of her dearest guy friends, Ernie and William, are vying for her affections and now her life is full of drama.

About two or three weeks ago, we decided that Ernie was the best choice for her out of the two, given that she liked both of them on the grounds of the Quick Draw Game. You know, when you give the questionee two choices and they have to say the first one that comes to mind. Well it took five grueling rounds of the game, Ernie came out on top. And then earlier this week, the Dreaded Drama arose:

First is William. Sweet guy, a little on the dimmer side when it comes to math, awkward, older than me by almost a month, and affectionate. The drama got intense when his thug of a younger brother purposefully got expelled so he could go to another school. The same day, Claire and he were texting and he confessed that he liked her. She said she liked him too. (oy...) But in her heart, she was holding out hope that Ernie would ask her.

That's when I decided to intervene. I confronted Ernie, for whom I have been rooting for since Claire was a freshman. He said that he did like her and he wanted to ask her out but that he was scared. She had told him her issues freshman year (they dated for like a minute or two and then she dumped him unceremoniously) and he was scared for both of them. I told him that I would take care of him. NOTE: I have nothing, absolutely nothing against William. I just think Ernie and Claire are more suited. (Man, it is HARD to play Cupid.)

Now I am caught between a rock and a love place. And Claire sees this as a problem! TWO GUYS ARE SMITTEN WITH HER!!! I CAN'T EVEN GET ONE!!!!! IF SHE COMPLAINS, I AM GOING TO SMACK HER!!!!!!!


Hugz
HM

Conducting the Choir... and Two B-words

Greetings.


Yesterday, my choir teacher, Mr. Privett, was away at a festival with the boys. (Lucky guys. But the girls' festival is next week so yay!) So it was a sub and our accompanist, Mrs. Tate, who had to teach the class. Well obviously the sub, who is a math teacher on campus, cannot conduct the class and Mrs. Tate has to play the piano. So she asks for student conductor volunteers who have been taking conducting classes with Mr. Privett to come up and direct the class. Both an alto (I have been demoted/promoted/moted to alto because they're super quiet and I'm super LOUD) named Alex Bell and I volunteered and, despite the protests of some of the class, Mrs. Tate let Alex try. I never saw her at the classes, which I have been taking in anticipation of this moment, so I pointed this out. Then her friend, Candy White, snaps at me, "She's been taking it at lunch! Leave her alone!" So I apologized and let her get on with it.

She. Was. Crap. Seriously! She just flopped her hand about and half the time she didn't even do that. And, to make matters worse, she got TIRED after two songs. TIRED! DON'T VOLUNTEER FOR SOMETHING IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO GIVE UP HALFWAY THROUGH. So she asked, "Anyone else want to try?" I raised my hand and the entire class practically begged, "Please, let Harmony Margaret do it! Let HM! Go up there, HM!" and things of that nature. So I went up there and Alex and Candy deliberately sat in the tenor section. So we got through one of the songs, a gospel by Moses Hogan, and we were going over some of the alto parts because some of the girls don't know it when Alex and Candy decide to be very disrespectful and move over to the basses. They won't stand or sing because "We're not altos, we're basses" and then try to sing low and then burst out laughing at their failed attempt. I try not to make waves so I ignore it and continue to work with the altos.

Mrs. Tate, on the other hand, got fed up with Alex and Candy and told them to move back. They move begrudgingly back to the empty tenor section in time for the next song, another gospel (Mr. Privett loves gospels, as do I) by a local composer. I have everyone stand up and everyone does except for, of course, Alex and Candy. I ask them politely to stand. Alex looks at me like I'm the world's biggest poo stain on her shoe and says, "I'm sick." I'm thinking to myself YOU WERE HEALTHY ENOUGH TO DISRUPT THE REHEARSAL but, again, I didn't want to make waves, so I ignored it. We kept working and at one point apparently they were cursing at me or something and two other girls, I'm not sure who but a couple of people say it was to acquaintances of mine, Delta Nielson and Ariel Bow, decide to stick up for me. Apparently, objects were thrown, but I didn't see it because I was working with the altos again. The sopranos have the easy part, the melody, and unless they asked for it, I left them alone. A couple asked for a few notes but mostly they sat quietly and listened to the altos or, in some cases, put Alex and Candy into their places.

Now, I didn't see the incident, but most of the other sopranos did. And they reported it to Mr. Privett after school when he returned from his outing with the boys. And BOY did he lecture us to death today. Not just Alex and Candy, THE ENTIRE CLASS. Apparently, the boys had an incident yesterday as well involving a guy in a truck in the parking lot where they all had lunch. And now I'm stuck going to the Dean to report what happened. (I'm not in trouble, but Mr. Privett needs my help. Mr. Privett also took me aside today and told me that he was sorry and that I should not have had to have been in a situation where I was disrespected. I felt so loved.) But all the girls from yesterday (except Alex and Candy) said I did a great job conducting the class and that Alex and Candy were complete b*****s to me. (Bennie and Joss didn't say the b-word, as did some of the girls, but the majority said the b-word)

I have never felt so loved by my choir. I thought everyone hated me. Now I know at least TWO confirmed haters.


Hugz
HM

Comeuppance

Greetings.


In just about every book, movie, play etc., there is a point where the bad guy gets what's coming to him for being so malicious and evil. In THE PRINCESS BRIDE, it's when Westley comes back from the "dead". In FAT ALBERT, it's when Albert picks Reggie up and pretty much threatens him. Anyways, this is called a "comeuppance".

Well, today, I pretty much had mine.

These last few weeks have been exceptionally crappy. I get yelled at by Bentley for leaving a football game when it's over and then I get a LECTURE from Bev about the same topic. She doesn't say boo to him about him yelling at me and I DIDN'T EVEN RAISE MY VOICE. Dad's never around, Bev is always yelling, and Bentley is yelling at me too for anything and everything. I want to move to Gramps and Nana's for a while. But I promised Bentley I'd go to his stupid show LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, (why am I going? I hate blood!) and I hate it when people break promises to me so I don't do it to them.

And then last night, at my request, Claire talked to Joseph about IT. I had been mad at Joseph because he didn't realize that, when I told him that he was the most important person to me, how dramatic and humiliating it was for me. So I was steering clear of the lunch table the last two days. Today I didn't go to school for the first two periods. I only went to school because I had a quiz in Mrs. Clark's Government class and I'd like to keep my A and Mrs. Yates only excuses two days a quarter (or is it semester?) for Library work.

Anyways, I was in the library during lunch like I told Claire I would be. And in through the front door comes Joseph. I think immediately: "Oh, crap." I have nowhere to run. So I strike up a quick conversation with Mrs. Yates and then shelf a book. He follows me and says he wants to talk. I sigh and we adjourn to the far back corner of the library, the most private place in the library. First, he tells me that he has known I liked him since sophomore year. Which is odd because *I* didn't even know until July, a few months later.

Then he gave me the verdict: Friends. Good friends.

He was surprised by my reaction. He said he had pictured me screaming and yelling and throwing punches. I had to laugh at that. That was the only time I smiled all day. But no, I was a big girl. I just collapsed to the ground because my knees gave out and I wanted to faint, to leave, to go home, to go faaaaaaaaaaaaar away. But I didn't say that. Truthfully, I feel numb. Like a part of me has died. I do still love him. That won't go away for a long time. But I wish, with all of my heart, that he loved me back.


Hugz
HM

Little Kids

Greetings.


I have said that I like church. I don't like, however, the songs. They go on FOREVER in the teen service. Okay, I am getting back on track, um, there are two services at the church I go to. It's a small, homey church and that's the way I prefer it, not the Empire State Chapel, you know? Well, first service is for the older folk and during said service, the little kids have Sunday school. And that's my favorite part. So I volunteered to help with the 2- and 3-year-olds. Mrs. Morton, who's pretty much in charge of Sunday school (seriously,if the Mortons ever left the church, the church would absolutely crumble), told me to go help Miss Mikayla. And out of nowhere, Joseph joins me. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

So we're playing with three little kids: two boys, Everett and Fritz (I kid you not, poor boy, what was his mother thinking?), and a girl, Alison. (I miss Ally now...) We were learning about creation and about how God created the animals and we were playing a finding game. The kids had to leave the room while Joseph and I hid the animals around the room for them to find. It was so fun. After that, we had to help the kids identify animals. Joseph was very patient with Alison. I was very impressed: you wouldn't think a robot would be so kind and gentle with little kids, but it just goes to show how wrong I can be.

Alison seems to have attached herself to me. She's only three, but she talks better than Bentley did. (I was kind of a genius talker, Bev says, so I can't compare her to me.) Anyways, as I was about to leave (I was not planning on staying for the teen service, I have four and a half hours of sleep under my belt and I was TIRED) she and her dad, the teen pastor, came into the room and she sees me and then turns to her dad and says, "I don't wanna go to the service." Her dad looks a little surprised and asks her what she wants to do. She points to me and says, "I wanna stay with her." He looked at me and I shrugged. So I spent the latter part of my church time with a smart little girl. We played house and she "covered" me with the pillows on the couches. Once she fell down and scraped her shin BAD (not bad enough that it bled, but it looked really bad) and I kept my cool and cleaned her off. I made her stop crying and got her Band-Aids and I felt SOOOOO bad. She's not even my kid (obviously) and I felt awful.

I had a nice day, so far.


Hugz
HM

Kenny is DEAD

Greetings.


Okay. I told you all about how Kenny told Joseph and how Joseph KNOWS and how everything, all my courage and my plans and my dreams and hopes and fears and and and - (slaps self) Thank you, I needed that - were absolutely RUINED???????

HE LIED TO ME.

That's right. I considered him a brother (we even had this society called the VS and I was second-in-command and he was the leader. But it was more like a family deal so he was the big brother and I the little sister even though I am older than him by a few months.) and he BETRAYED ME. And he can't even tell me WHY he did it. He keeps telling me THE BOSS made him do it. Why? Why did her hurt me? I tell everyone, the one thing that I cannot and WILL NOT stand for is LYING. Disloyalty and cheating are up there too, especially or my boyfriends and the boyfriends of my sisters, which Stan did to Bennie, but I will get into that tomorrow so that I can vent vehemently, but lying... why do it? All I ever did was support Kenny. And he lied? I suffered for over a month because he lied to me?

You know how I found out? I asked Joseph to recall the conversation he had with Kenny. He said he couldn't. I asked him if he was sure. He said he was. I told him to swear on his mother's life. He did. And it got me thinking: Joseph doesn't lie and I THINK that, even though he's sometimes a numbskull when it comes to remembering things, he would remember this. So I confronted Kenny about it. And he ADMITTED TO LYING TO ME. I could have killed him. I would have if I hadn't been talking to him on FACEBOOK at the time.

Oh I am so ANGRY. And hurt... What did I do to deserve it? What happened? WHY DID SOMEONE, ESPECIALLY KENNY, DO THIS TO ME?????????? Everyone thinks they can push me around because I'm fat. NEWS FLASH: I HAVE FEELINGS TOO. Lie to me and I hurt. Don't most people?


Hugz
HM

School and Other Pleasures

Greetings.

Well, I love school. I have to admit it. I might as well tattoo the word "Geek" my forehead. I don't mind. I love being a geek. I would hate to be powerless and stupid. I love being smart. Granted, the social part of school I could sometimes live without like in seventh grade when my school - MY ENTIRE SCHOOL - pretty much left me for dead. But I wouldn't want to cut it out COMPLETELY. It just so happens that I love my school friends.

I digress.

Well, I have the EASIEST schedule ever. So some nights I have no homework. And on those nights... well... Dad suggests that I job hunt. I have tried that. BELIEVE me. And so in lieu of that, Bev suggests... shudder... the GYM. What do I choose? The gym. I am still struggling with my weight. But I am struggling MORE with the gym. I have no lung capacity, I have realized. And I sweat like Hell. And I always feel like someone is judging me. I go to this pretty good gym: it has a LADIES' SECTION. I love it. No demeaning stares from hotter guys. Just hotter women. And I don't give a crap about them. (Well actually yesterday I ran into my hairdresser, Julie. It was a little embarrassing.)

I'm really strong. So I love doing the shoulder and arm workout machines they have. But legs... that's my weak point. I tried that biking machine. HA! I lasted fifteen minutes. FIFTEEN MINUTES. I felt like John Pinette! And that's REALLY not good. So I swam today because I didn't want to drive and I STILL felt stupid because I don't know HOW long I lasted. And NOW Bev has this new diet she got from her doctor. I wish people would leave me alone. Although the diet looks tempting. Instead of one of my meals I'd drink a shake. If it's berry (or JAMBA JUICE! YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!) I'm game. So yeah... I really hate exercise.

Wait, how did I get from school and the other good things in my life to THE GYM? (barf)

(reading, lips moving along with the words...) ...Oh. That's how.


Hugz
HM

Also, keep Ally in your thoughts. She tore her ACL, kind of an Achilles heel (oh, the irony) for an athlete. Love you, Allyson!

Tattoos

Greetings.


No, I didn't get a tattoo, I promise. Joseph has just been doodling on my arm for the last two days. He has these Green Lantern and other colored rings form the comic series and he wears at least one to school every day with his class ring. For the last two days, he has imprinted three of the insignias on my arm. (Ow.) Then with the imprint as a base, he draws the design so that when the imprint fades, I'll still have it. It kind of feels like he's branding me. Cool!

But let us discuss tattoos for a minute. What are they? You get a tattoo by having someone stick you thousands of times with a needle dipped in ink and sexually transmitted diseases (the diseases give the ink a nice purplish color). Why do people do it? Some for sluttiness i.e. a rose on a woman's breast, a heart on her hip, or self-expression i.e. a peace sign, a cross, or a yin yang symbol. (In fact, if I ever got a tattoo I'd get either a yin yang symbol or a four-leaf clover. I'm not sure where.) But basically tattoos are permanent forms of art. Eventually when you get old and saggy, that heart is going to look like a gallstone and that rose will turn into Rosie O'Donnell, but that's what laser surgery is for! Yay!

I find tattoos to be interesting. I'm not going to get one. I don't like needles (I freaked when I had my ears pierced) and what if the dude got it wrong? But the thought processes behind the tattoos fascinate me.

Wow, I got really off topic... Oh, well. I think I made sense...?


Hugz
HM

School and Awards

Greetings.


Senior. Year. Starts. TOMORROW. BEGIN FREAK OUT SESSION NOW!!!!! I cannot believe that I'm going to be a senior! I mean, college admissions, scholarships, admissions essays, SATs, ACTs, migraines, jobs, I think I'm hyperventilating just THINKING ABOUT IT! I'm kind of scared. I mean, I have no idea what life is like outside of school. (Summer doesn't count) I have to get a job or else I lose my baby Kermit, I'm going to college in a year, and I'm going to live life on my own. I don't know anything! I'm smart, but I don't know how to work with the real world. I ALREADY HATE SENIOR YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!

... Okay, I have calmed down now. Last night I went to an awards ceremony similar to the Tonys for my community theater group, the group with whom I performed ALICE IN WONDERLAND. Anyways, I won something. I was nominated for Best Leading Actress for my role as The Witch for INTO THE WOODS. I won a Spirit of Junior Theater Award for exemplifying all that Junior Theater stands for. (I didn't win Best Actress. However, the only girl I would have been alright with winning won, so I'm better than I would have been if someone else had won it.) The best part about winning it was that BENTLEY WON IT WITH ME! The award goes to the boy AND the girl who exemplifies all the wonderful qualities they want and we made a speech together. It was really awesome! I opened with, "Just for the record, I am older. But he's cuter so it doesn't matter much." (I said that because he's five feet, eleven inches and I am only five feet, four and a half inches tall.) It was pretty good.

Joseph was there. Nothing was out of the ordinary, but something he said at church today made me uneasy. He said he didn't put too much emotional stock in things just in case it didn't work out the way he planned. What if he doesn't put too much emotional stock into the fact that I am practically in love with him? What if he doesn't care? I think that may be even worse...


Hugz
HM

Comic-Con or E3

Greetings.


Okay, I have now asked Bev, Nana, and Daddy for tickets for me, Joseph, and a chaperone to go to one of these events. I am vouching for Comic-Con cause it's cheaper and more people will be there. Like, famous people. But E3 would be fun because I like video games. Either way, I'm kind of freaked too. I mean, I'd be at a convention where I've never been before. And with Joseph and a chaperone.

...Okay, now that I've said this out loud, I see how crazy I'm being. I need to rescind my request... I am nuts. Someone get me to electrotherapy quick.

And speaking of electrotherapy, I am listening to THE ADDAMS FAMILY Broadway musical. I actually enjoy it. The music is fun and I like the story line. Poor Wednesday, all she wants is to be a little more normal. Well, normal-ISH. It's fun. 7 out of 10.

Hugz
HM

Crisis

Greetings.


Oh, this can't be happening. This just CANNOT be happening. Joseph KNOWS. I mean, he knows I like him. I don't know if he knows to what degree my feelings for him are, but he knows I like him.

You remember Kenny Harris, Claire's ex-boyfriend? Well, it seems he has decided to take it upon himself to make my life Hell. During ALICE IN WONDERLAND, (he was a techie, and Joseph was Kind of Hearts, like I mentioned earlier) Kenny and Joseph had a chat. Apparently, during that little chat, either Kenny to Joseph or Joseph divulged that he knew. Either way, Kenny told me he knew. And, to make things worse, he (Joseph) is scared for our relationship. What do I do? I don't know what that means! Does he not want it to change? Is he afraid of what will happen if it does change? I NEED A MIND-READING HELMET!

I really want to strangle Kenny right now. For the past year (YEAR) I have been trying to dig up the courage to perform this great feat of love at graduation. Here was my plan: I'd take him aside, ask him to guarantee that he'd still be my friend even if I did something horrible and/or stupid, and (even though I'd only do it if he promised) then I'd have him close his eye (optional) and I'd kiss him.

THAT'S ALL BYE-BYE. At least, for now. All of my courage is GONE, what little there was of it. If any of you know me, you know I am not easily frightened. I have my phobias i.e. blood, death, the future, spiders larger than my forefinger, amphibians, reptiles. But those are so rare, except for maybe the blood and the future (ha ha), that I am not scared easily.

But this time... This terrifies me. He is my best friend. My confidant. God only knows, maybe my soul-mate. I love him dearly but I want his friendship too. If he gets too scared, he'll leave and I don't know if I can take that. When Freddy dumped me, I gained 40 pounds. Joseph means so much more to me than Freddy ever did. I don't know what will happen to me. Or to him. I think that, somehow, he needs me too. Almost as much as I need him. I'm scared. Scared out of my mind. More scared than I have been for YEARS.

Are you there, God? It's me, Harmony Margaret. The one you cursed with the longest name EVER. Please, help me. Find some way to help me. I need it. I would appreciate you changing Joseph's heart in favor of me, but anything to help is preferable than silence.

I must go cry myself to sleep now.


Hugz
HM

Review: THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE

Greetings.


Well, Nana, Bev, and I went to see THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE earlier this evening. My verdict: Four out of five stars. It was good. I love Nic Cage. He's a great actor. His character is hysterical and he's hot. I'm sorry, but for a 1,000+ year old guy, Balthasar is hot. But then again, so is Nic Cage. You know, I think he looks better with longer hair. But then, that may be my own personal taste. On guys I like-

Okay, I digress. The guy who played Dave, Jay Bucharel, I think his name was, did very well at playing the lovable nerd. I adore lovable nerds. Which explains why I love Joseph. He has longish hair, glasses, and that confidence in who he is as a person. Very sexy. Anyways, Jay did a great job. The plot of the movie was predictable but I found it very interesting. I liked how they fairly accurately referenced Merlin and Morgana Le Faye. But as I recall, Merlin only had one charge (hello, Arthur) and he never died. Morgana led him to a cave and made him sleep. AND he aged backwards. Sheesh, they need to do their homework. Sorry, I am a big myth and legend fan. In fact, Greek mythology is one of my specialties and I was very happy with Rick Riordan and how he did his PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS series. He stayed very true to the established myths.

Anyways, good movie. Go see it. (P.S. ALFRED MOLINA ROCKS HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


Hugz
HM

Tears Of Sleep Deprivation

Greetings.


How many people cry for joy? How many people just get so happy that they cry? I don't, normally. I mean, I have a slight reputation as being one of the following: a nerd, a girl with anger-management problems, a loner, or the loudest most out spoken feminist in my school. One of them, or maybe a compilation of a few of them. But never "crybaby". At least, not after seventh grade.

But earlier this morning, I FINALLY got a reply from Joseph. His cell phone wasn't working, I guessed, so I texted his dad. Once, just once. And he wrote back. (Joseph, not Mr. M. Well, he did too, but I am not as into that. ha ha. not funny) And I cried. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pathetic! It didn't help that I hadn't slept beforehand.

I soooo need to fix my sleep schedule. AND I need to finish my summer reading. (opens up new window, talking to self) Oh, Sparknotes, where are you?


Hugz
HM

Worrier

Greetings.


I still miss Joseph. I still worry. But I worry irrationally. Like, what if he meets some hot Irish chick and he never wants to come home? Or what if his plane pulls a LOST on the return flight? See? I have this constant worrying problem that I can't seem to get rid of. I am going over to his house to check on his dog tomorrow. It may make me feel better. I just really miss him. Maybe it'll help, I don't know.

I hate worrying all the time. I am a worrier. Especially when it comes to Joseph. Scratch that, almost ONLY when it comes to Joseph. Sure, I worry about my sisters, but not to this magnitude. I never succumb to irrational fears when it comes to them. But with Joseph, my worry-meter goes haywire. Is this bad? I know it isn't exactly WONDERFUL, but it can't be too bad, right?

...Right?


Hugz
HM

O, happy Dagger! this is thy sheath!

Greetings.


Joseph leaves for Ireland tomorrow @ 6:30 a.m. He technically leaves at 11:30, but you have to drive a LONG way to get to their airport, plus they have the Morton Curse: they are perpetually late, but they are determined not to be this time. Ugh, I don't want him to go and I am probably a horrible person for saying this but it is totally and completely true!

I saw him at church today. We hung out and I helped him with his costume for VBS because he can't seem to dress himself. That came out TOTALLY wrong, but he was just messing up his costume so much that I felt sorry for it. Mr. M too. Then after VBS, Mr. and Mrs. M invited me to have lunch at Mexicali with them and Mrs. Morton's mom. How could I say no? While I hate Mexican food, it was a chance to spend time with three of my favorite people in the world plus meet his only remaining grandparent.

After lunch, Mr. and Mrs. M took her mom home and Joseph and I went to Borders. It was a short walk and we talked the whole way. And, of course, he found the guidebook to GOD OF WAR III and he was dead to the world, the fact that he had his iPod on didn't help either. After a little while of that, I had to go home and pick up Bentley so he could get a birthday present for Mickie. (It's a gorgeous locket that we only paid $60 for. It was real gold. It was on clearance. We saved $232. Never again shall he dispute my bargain hunting skills.) Joseph walked me to my car and said good-bye.

And then I cried. I sat in Bev's car (mine was behind a gigantic trailer and Dad's had an engine problem so I had to use Bev's) and cried. I even accidentally made the horn honk because my head slammed down onto the wheel. I just bawled. I couldn't help it. Joseph was leaving. And I fell apart when he was in HAWAII. Now he's leaving the COUNTRY! I AM GOING TO GO BAT-CRAP CRAZY!!!!! I AM GOING TO BE ONE LAB ACCIDENT AWAY FROM BEING A SUPERVILLIAN!!!!!!

I can't stop being sad. I hate it when I am away from him. I wish I could see him all the time. But I can't. I already miss him!!!! I'm going to go cry again now. I feel like Juliet without her Romeo. Only I am not suicidal. Yet.


Hugz
HM

Bestest Best Best Best Day EVERRRRRRR!!!!!!!

Greetings.


I had the BEST day in the entire history of my friendship with Joseph. I swear, possibly even the best day EVER in the ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!! I am on cloud nine and you know why???? I spent the entirety of yesterday from noon to about 10:30 with Joseph. Ten and a half blissful hours of just me and him, for the most part.

Okay, noon (yes I am going to give you a complete rundown of the day, pretty much) I get there and we go into the den (no doors, darn it, just kidding) and watch some videos on YouTube. I showed him "The Saga Begins" by Weird Al Yankovic (best STAR WARS parody ever, except for YODA, also by Weird Al) and two Monty Python sketches and he showed me some PS3 commercials with that Kevin Butler guy. He's funny. After, we go into his room because his mom was giving a piano lesson so we had to shut the door (nothing hinky, I swear on my mother's life, other than the occasional poking war) and I watched him play "Team Fortress 2". He won most often, but when he lost, he lost SPECTACULARLY.

A little while later, his mom had to leave so she wanted us to move out into the family room so we did. And she left. We played "Super Smash Bros. Brawl" and at one point, I kept pausing and he got a little faux-irritated at me. So he moved over to the loveseat (no comment) I was sitting on, I used his knees as a footrest, and continued the game. A few minutes later I did the same thing only this time we were fighting over the controller. Next thing I know, we are on the floor wrestling for no apparent reason. Like seriously wrestling, no euphemisms anywhere. I think I bruised my shoulder. I got the best of him, whether he wants to admit it or not. Every time he thought he had me pinned, I'd get up (What? I'm a big girl with FANTASTIC upper body strength!) and twice I had him in a chokehold. (Not a real one, just one where he would pretty much have to say "uncle" and he did) Twice, when he had me pinned, I said, "Do you have ANY idea how bad this looks if your mom comes home right now?" And it did look bad but it was SOOOOOOOO fun. Finally, we gave up and went back to gaming until his mom got home.

We ordered pizza, watched that new show THE GOOD GUYS, and then we went back to his room and watched INVADER ZIM until I had to go home. Honestly, I never wanted to leave. I love his house, I love his parents, and I hate my house. Dad yelling, Bev never home, and Bentley not speaking to me. One big happy FRICKING family. I want to move in with Nana and Gramps (that's where I've been since Tuesday) or, God forbid, with Joseph and Mr. and Mrs. M.

I just had the best day with the guy I love. I wanted to take him and kiss him... And the wrestling was fun. (It was innocent, I swear)


Hugz and hugz and hugz and hugz to infinity
HM

Sorry...

Greetings.


Sorry I haven't been posting much. I mean, it's summer. Not very many things are going on.

Well, we finished ALICE IN WONDERLAND on Saturday and it went well. Joseph, my dearest King of Hearts, and I, when we bowed together, got almost as much applause as Alice herself did. I mean, we were hamming it up. I pushed him around a lot and he went along with it. He was a spineless king and he did well. I miss him. I haven't seen him in a couple of days and he's leaving FOR IRELAND IN A COUPLE OF DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...Okay, I'm feeling a little better now. Okay, I lied. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.................(sigh) I'm fine. I am. I am I am I am I am oh my gosh I can't lie on my blog. It's like lying to my therapist. (Which I used to do a little bit anyways, but I like you readers better.) I don't want him to go. Is that wrong? I mean, he gets to go to IRELAND, which is where I also have ancestors. But then he's going IRELAAAAAAAAAND which is a continent AND a fricking OCEAN away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I shall now crawl up into a corner and cry.


Hugz
HM

My Hair, My Way

Greetings.


Well, as you all should know I am the Queen of Hearts in ALICE IN WONDERLAND. Yay. And as a Heart, I think that red goes with it. Am I right? Well, to go with the character, I wanted to dye my outer layers of hair red. I always wanted red hair or black hair. But now Bev is saying I should leave my hair alone. She says my skin is too dark for blonde, too light for black, and I look stupid with red. SHE DYES HER HAIR ONCE A MONTH AND IT'S NOT EVEN HER NATURAL COLOR TO KEEP THE GRAY OUT AND I AM NOT ALLOWED TO EVEN EXPERIMENT!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish she would leave my head alone. It's my head. She says she doesn't care but she says it with more baloney than the meat aisle of an Albertson's.

I hate my natural hair color. It's the most mundane, dull, drab, crappy color. It looks like fresh mud after the rain. Not smooth, like a Hershey bar, but like mud. Filthy mud. So ever since seventh grade, I have gotten highlights about once every three months. EVERYONE has loved my hair, be it blonde highlighted or red highlights. But apparently Bev always thought I looked stupid and DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING UNTIL ABOUT HALF AN HOUR AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did it ever cross her mind that maybe I WOULD LIKE TO BE NOTIFIED WHEN I LOOK STUPID!!! And whenever she said my hair looked fabulous she was LYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have told everyone I have ever met: I DO NOT CONDONE LYING. And omission (leaving stuff out on purpose) is a very sneaky form of lying.

The MINUTE I leave for college I am dying my hair black and cutting it chin length JUST to spite BOTH of my parents (Dad doesn't like may hair short whereas I like it when it's short).


Hugz
HM

Independence Day (also Homecoming)

Greetings.


It's been a while since I have posted something. I don't know where to start, so I'll start with today.

As you can tell, today is Independence Day, the Fourth of July. The day all the furniture stores have monster sales that save you 'Washingtons". Cheap paper plates, tri-tip, and fireworks are very common around my house on 7/4. Bentley and Dad work on our backyard for our big Independence Day bonanza like cleaning off the patio and scrubbing the pool while Bev and I vacuum and dust and Windex and mop and do everything on the inside. I hate cleaning. Organizing I can do, cleaning, not a chance. Unless I'm paid.

Then the usuals come over: Ally, Colleen, Wanda, Robert Clay, Aunt Gertie, Uncle Sam, Jeremy, and Josie Lowell, a few stragglers whose names I have never bothered to learn, and sometimes our neighbors from across the street, the Andersons. Joy Ann has been quite smitten with Bentley for as long as I can remember. And I had a crush on her older brother Corbin when I was little. We all swim, eat barbecue, and then wait for dark to start the fireworks. Joy Ann, Bentley, Colleen, and some of the stragglers' littler ones have fun with sparklers. Sometimes Ally and I join in but I'm not a big sparklers girl. Bev hides in the house; she's a pyrophobe. Then as soon as the sun sets, Dad breaks out the good stuff. I'm not talking about sissy Piccolo Petes here (please, no, they give me headaches) I'm talking big ol' honking dinosaur fireworks. While Bev is a pyrophobe, Bentley and Dad are pyromaniacs. They LOVE their fire. I am flexible either way. But I like 7/4 because I get to see Ally. I STILL have her birthday presents from MAY.

Another thing; I was working Vacation Bible School with the kids and Joseph was playing (ironically) Joseph, like the guy with the coat with a lot of colors, in the VBS skit thing. Beforehand, he was just being really... playful. He was messing with my face, like pushing it around and stuff, and I asked him why. He just shrugged and said "I dunno." It was great...

I actually like working with the kids. I'm really good with kids. They like me too. I know how to talk to them, Bev says. Now I'm torn between teaching elementary or high school students. I love the little kids, ideally I'd teach third or second grade, but I want to teach a high school curriculum. I even have extra credit assignments ready, assignments that I can't do with little kids. And I just want t teach both. I love both. I'm torn...


Hugz
HM

The Curiosities of Protection

Greetings.


Why do we protect? Some leftover gene from the days when chivalry was as close to godliness (aside from cleanliness) as one could get? Some sick satisfaction we get from it? A religion? No, I believe that when we have someone/something we love, it is pure animal instinct that we secure it.

Is protecting someone you love or care about worth hurting someone else? The answer this time, however, is undefined.

In the case that someone is pointing a gun at your mom, by all means, smack him on the back of the head with a frying pan. But when it comes to emotional protection, how far do you go? I am no psychologist. I am no counselor. I am a loyal friend and a fierce fighter for my loved ones. I just told Jasper to abandon the movie plan because he's still hung up on Mickie. I told him that unless he is fully committed to the idea of dedicating all of his time to Bennie, then forget it. I told him I wasn't going to help him pry Mickie away from Bentley because if he wants her bad enough, he should grow the balls to do it himself. I think that if he loves her so much, he should just LET HER BE HAPPY. But I know he won't listen. I know he's going to find some way to get into Bennie's heart and then break it three months later when he tells her that he's still not over Mickie. Hopefully he'll have the sense to leave out Mickie's name. But that's exactly the same thing I did to Victor, my first real boyfriend. (See "My Love Life Part 3: Victor Hausen") I was still kind of hung up on Freddy and Aaron and I strung him along for almost three months. For what? I cried my eyes out because I felt horrible for using a perfectly nice guy. Victor went into a deep funk because he thought everything I had told him was a lie, and Aaron and Freddy felt guilty that they were the cause of so much unhappiness. I hurt four people in one blow. And Jasper is about to do the same. So I felt I had to do something. Otherwise the guilt would torment me for years to come.

I still don't know how far you go to protect someone. But I know I'll go as far as it takes for no one to get hurt. And if I hurt someone in the process, I have failed. I like to think I am a selfless person in one respect: I will protect anyone I love with everything that I have, but if I save someone else from pain even if it causes my heart to suffer, I will live with it. I will sacrifice my own pleasure, for the most part, for someone else, or even more than one, to find love and happiness. And I'd like to think that my reprimand of Jasper helped someone. Maybe not me, maybe not him, but maybe Bennie, Mickie, and Bentley. I won't know until I receive that hysterical phone call/brother in my room if I have helped anyone.

But I hope I did.


Hugz
HM

Two Homes

Greetings.


(sing-song-y) Guess where I am! (stops) I am at Gramps and Nana's again. Guess why?

Ding ding ding!!! Yep, Dad and I had a really bad fight yesterday. Surprise, surprise. I'm thinking I may as well just keep a set of clothes at Nana's. I mean, I come over for NCIS on Tuesdays when I can. I come here when Dad and I fight. Hell, I just may as well just move about five sets of clothes here. I like it here. I'd move here if I could. But I forgot to bring Kermit, Teddy, and Pooh. So I have to go back. Shoot. Plus, it's really far from school and my sisters and my best friend.

Okay, I have posted about how Jasper and Bennie look super cute together and how Jasper and I are conspiring to take Bennie and Joseph to a movie? Well, I still haven't told Bennie and Jasper has decided Thursday is a perfect day to go see TOY STORY 3. Uh-oh.


Hugz
HM

Croquet Rehearsal

Greetings.


I had a good rehearsal for ALICE IN WONDERLAND. As you know, I am the Queen of Hearts and for the croquet game, I have my cards and my hedgehog cheat for me. Well, I have the cutest little hedgehog in the world!! He's this adorable 5 or 6-year-old named Braden and he is the cutest little boy. But I didn't have my flamingo (the mallet) today. Claire, the Queen of Diamonds and my character's sister, had the meanest little hedgehog! He was rude, he wouldn't listen to Bev (one of the directors) or the choreographer, and he hit my little Braden. I feel so bad for Claire...

Joseph was at rehearsal because he's my King of Hearts and he had his flamingo but no hedgehog. His flamingo is a little girl named Mary Jane and she felt light-headed because she was nervous about messing up. She almost fainted 'cause she was so nervous. I was proud of Joseph. He actually behaved like an (albeit uncomfortable) older brother. He was very gentle and kind toward Mary Jane and I was truly amazed. He's an only child; how should he know how to take care of a scared 8-year-old?

Rehearsal ended early so Bev, Claire, Joseph, and I went to Jackson's for lunch. I had my deep pit beef sandwich and two pieces of cake (I have to swim laps tomorrow), Claire, Bev, and Joseph all had burritos (yucky!) and Claire and Joseph both had cake. Joseph kept Bev and Claire in stitches about the shorts from this video game, "Team Fortress 2", by describing the videos for the Heavy, the Engineer, the Spy, the Scout, the Demo Man, and the Soldier. Poor Bev; the gross parts freaked her out. Luckily she's not the fainting type because she was driving. Basically, it was a good day!


Hugz
HM

The Aftermath of Fear

Greetings.


Today has been one of those days that nothing really happened that was so monumental that I MUST blog about. Ginger, Bev, and I went to Jackson's for lunch and cake (CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE) and then we came back. Ginger and I went swimming, we went to Claire's sister Annegela's 22nd birthday party (I was the only one who brought her a present) and then we came home. Now Claire is with us and we're trying to pull (another) all-nighter.

Well, you know how I posted about my horrible experience I had yesterday? Well, I texted Joseph telling him to call me when he got the text and he did but I missed it so I called him back. And I missed him so he called me back. And I told him about what I posted but I left out the part about what I thought all through it. And he was totally and completely enthralled in my story and he actually sounded scared for me and genuinely relieved that I was okay. And, coming from a robot-boy, that's a lot.

I was so happy!

Hugz
HM

The Longest Half an Hour of My Life

Greetings.


I'm going to be as unfunny as I can in this post. I just want to warn all of you: A GOOD SECURITY SYSTEM AND A GOOD WOODEN BAT ARE A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND. Especially at night. I just spent from about 1:50 a.m. to about 2:22 a.m. cowering in my game room with Ginger with bats, two cell phones, and my house phone.

Ginger was outside and she heard something next to my house. I told her, because a house around the corner was robbed at gunpoint a few days ago, to take a bat, and she did, but she called to me, "HM, please come out here!" She sounded scared. Now, I may be the younger cousin, but I am by a decent margin the stronger of the two of us. So I went out with my bat and surveyed the area. My two bigger dogs, Colleen (yes, Bentley named her after Ally's little sister) and Miaya, perked up their ears like they were listening to something. We got scared so we went back into the house.

A little later, around 1:45 a.m., we heard Miaya and Colleen barking. Now, they're usually fairly quiet unless they're fighting with each other. But since we were already scared, we froze. We waited. We listened. We heard something tap against the window. And then we bolted. Immediately, Odie, my little dumb, yet nonetheless protective, dog, began to bark and HE doesn't do that unless there's some cause. So Ginger and I grabbed our bats, cell phones, and a house phone and leaped into the game room behind two fairly large chairs. We hid there for half an hour.

We were so scared. At one point, the motion detector light outside the game room window came on. Ginger almost cried she was so scared. I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest and run laps around my body, screaming, "OH MY FREAKING GOSH HOLY FREAKING COW RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!!!!!!!!!!!" Another instance, we heard the alarm TURN OFF and a door open. Ginger and I were freaked. We waited for a little while longer and then we dashed to Bev's room.

We woke her up and told her what we heard. She told us not to worry, to just lock all the doors and keep the bats with us. And believe you me, WE DID. Ginger is sitting next to me with her bat on her lap, playing a computer game. And I have my bat right next to me as I type this.

I have to confess, and I know my sisters will make me feel bad for this later, but I have to say it: The only person who went through my head as I sat in my game room and thought that I was going to die was Joseph. I kept thinking of him and how I just wanted to talk to him one last time. I swear, I thought I was truly going to die. I just wanted to hold him for the last few minutes of my life. I just wanted to tell him that I loved him. Isn't it weird that in what I thought was going to be the last few minutes of my life I was the bravest I had ever been? And now that I am relatively safe, I feel the chicken coming back again. BOK BOK BOGOK!!!!!!


Hugz, and NEVER forget your bat
HM

R.I.P. Chivalry

Greetings.


I had rehearsal for "Alice in Wonderland" tonight with Claire and Joseph. Ginger tagged along partly because she'd have been all alone if she hadn't but also because I wanted her opinion of Joseph's interaction with me. I haven't conferred with her yet.

But right now we're watching SINGING IN THE RAIN. Man, Gene Kelly sure knows how to be romantic. He sings to her, he dances with her, he is the ultimate romantic man. Well, perhaps I should say DON LOCKWOOD was... Gene Kelly was a bit of a jerk.

Now we're watching ANNIE. I love the song "Maybe" and "Hard Knock Life". Ginger and I are pulling an all-highter because our sleep clocks are messed up REALLY bad. Well I have nothing much to write, so I'll sign off now. Love!


Hugz
HM

Church

Greetings.


Well, I went to church.

Amazingly enough, I had fun. Ginger made me go to church. Initially, she planned on going to church with Roland. But finally I smacked (not literally) some sense into her seeing as Roland is her ex-boyfriend and we agreed to go to Nana's church. Luckily for me, Mr. M, Mrs. M, and Joseph go there too. In fact, they're head of the Worship team at Dove Creek. Joseph plays bass, Mr. M plays drums, and Mrs. M sings and plays keyboard/piano. They are a tremendously musical family.

Anyways, the initial service was good. I mean, I haven't LAUGHED at a sermon since I was eight. EIGHT. I was in freakin' THIRD GRADE!!!! I was in stitches with this guy, Pastor Sherman, and he was actually really nice. We sang (Ginger really got into it) and then we retreated to the Fellowship Room for coffee (yuck) and donuts (yay!). Then came the teens' service. The band wasn't as good, but Joseph and Mr. M were really good. It's just that there were two girls singing, one playing guitar, and one playing keyboards and they didn't sound as put together as the other band. Then the youth pastor, Pastor Dave, did a little sermon about joy that was pretty good, not as funny as Pastor Sherman's, but good nonetheless.

I can't believe I am saying this about church: I had fun.


Hugz
HM

I Have No Title

Greetings.


Well, it looks like Ginger is staying for longer than foreseen. For, like, until Friday. YAY! I love having my cousin here! Ginger is amazingly awesome and she's fun. She may not be the world's best role model, but not everyone can be Mother Teresa, am I right? (Actually, my ideal role model is Susan B. Anthony or Jeanette Rankin because of their pacifism and feminism.) But still she's here and we're going to spend the next, like, five days here!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, today Bev, Ginger, Claire, and I went shopping to redeem a few of my gift cards that I got for my birthday. But we went to Kohl's just for the heck of it. Well, actually because Ginger doesn't have a Kohl's where she lives in Roswell with Uncle Reggie and Aunt Abigail Potts and she wanted to go. So we went and then we went to Jamba Juice, then lunch at a buffet, then to Barnes & Noble. (omg, I like it so much better than Borders, but I like Borders too.) I got two new manga books, a hardback book and THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOOS. I want to know what all the hype is about.

Then when we came home (Bev dropped Claire off at her house) Ginger and I just settled into our base of operations and just unwound. We video chatted with her family and then I had to make dinner. Then we retreated to Bev and Dad's room to watch INUYASHA movies and here we are now!

OMG I HAVE TO GO TO CHURCH TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?????????????????? Ginger goes to church and she wanted to go so now, somehow, we're going to Nana's church, which, by the way, also is Joseph's church. Hee hee hee... It can't be all bad.


Hugz
HM

Birthday Post Number 80 Billion

Greetings.


Well, I had my birthday party. Wow, I have a lot of birthday posts, don't I? It was better than I thought. Pauley got grounded so he couldn't come. Chase had to go to the beach with his family. Roland stopped by, much to Ginger's dismay. But she's fine now because she's talking to her boyfriend (whom I totally approve of) Emmit DuGaunt. I don't think I'll be seeing much of Roland anymore... long story, but now... he makes me a little uncomfortable.

Moving on, I had a good birthday. Ginger, Bennie, Dad, and I played Hearts, I got a lot of good presents, Eve managed to show up, and she and Jasper hung out. Ginger is staying until at least Sunday and Claire is sleeping over. I had cake from Jackson's (so freaking good) and it was just a lot of fun.

Oh, and I actually know Jasper likes Bennie!!!!! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! Omg, they were being so cute. Joseph, Freddy, and Bentley were playing BATMAN: ARKHAM ASYLUM and he and Bennie were just being all cute. He was sitting on the couch and she was laying on the couch, putting her knees and feet on his lap. He was tickling her, she was tickling him, and they were flirting like the world was going to end. And they look SOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE together!!!!!!!!! I mean, they both have glasses, they have a perfect height difference, and, even though he's a year and a half younger, you'd never know! They are so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg omg omg omg omg omg omg can I just say that, as much as I like Stan, to whom Bennie hasn't been speaking (not that she's angry at him or anything), I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALL REALLY want her and Jasper to be together!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!


Hugz
HM

Why I Hate my Birthday

Greetings.


As I predicted, people are going to forget my birthday. Joss (JOSS of all people) forgot and now she has some volunteer work she has to do DURING MY PARTY. Bennie is going to be late, Jasper is going to be really late, and Ally isn't even coming. WHY DID I EVEN HAVE A STUPID PARTY IN THE FIRST PLACE? Next year, NO PARTY!! I will just have a dinner or something with my closest friends. Either that or Ally and I will be on our road trip. If so, we'll find the nearest Olive Garden and make them sing happy birthday to me and Ally will use her feminine wiles to get us our meals for free.

I mean, is it too much to ask for one birthday where EVERYONE I invite comes? Where I can have ALL of the people I care about in one place at one time? Every year, my birthday makes me cry. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!! I said it before and I'll say it again: I DON'T WANT MY BIRTHDAY ANYMORE.


Hugz
HM

Happy Birthday to Me Part 2

Greetings.


As they said they would, Bev, Bentley, Dad and Nana (via phone) woke me up and sang to me this morning. But I got presents so I didn't care that I only got five hours of sleep. I got Pokémon HeartGold AND SoulSilver!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH THE POKéWALKER!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEEEE!!!! I haven't started playing HeartGold yet but I'm in Azalea Town (you know, with the Pokéball maker dude, Kurt?) and I have to beat the Gym Leader. OMG I LOVE THE FACT THAT YOUR LEAD POKéMON FOLLOWS YOU OUTSIDE OF ITS BALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's so fun to talk to it!!!!!!! (I'm SUCH a PokéDork) Plus, I got a Jeff Foxworthy comedy CD. I love the guy, but he pales in comparison to HEARTGOLD AND SOULSILVER right now!!!!!!!!

The interview went like this: I got there 50 minutes early. Waited until four when me and ten other people were escorted to a section of the dining room. We waited another ten minutes because the managers were running late. (no comment) Filled out questionnaire as a delaying tactic because they STILL weren't there at 20 after. 25 after, they arrive, and they ask each of us our qualifications, names, etc. Then we do a group question, which I aced. Then they dismissed us.

So much freaking and psyching for NOTHING. For a possibility for a DISHWASHING position. HOLY FREAKING COW!!!!!!!

Whatever. I saw a new NCIS earlier and I've been playing SoulSilver all day. It wasn't a TOTAL waste.


Hugz
HM, the birthday girl

Happy Birthday to Me

Greetings.


I have no idea what Kylie (and eventually Kendra too) were thinking during some of these shows. I'm listening to a few of them now and they're weird. They're funny, don't get me wrong, but they're really weird.

I have an interview later today. I get to interview for one of my favorite restaurants, California Pizza Kitchen. I really really really really really want to work there. The interview technically starts at 4, but I want to be there at 3:25 because they only take, like, the first eight that come in. I really want the job. I love the food and I love the people who work there. I mean, my family has gotten to know one of the waiters and one of the managers. (Whoooo! Major in!) Unfortunately, I just ate a blue cupcake and now the freaking dye won't come off of my tongue nor out of my teeth. I'm going to look like a complete idiot. I'm scared that I'm going to forget something, like my name.

Today is my birthday. But I won't be seventeen officially until 3:58 p.m.

... Two minutes before my interview... Wow. Just wow. I am so getting this job.

Anyways, I get to open a few of my presents tomorrow. Then shower, wash hair, shave legs due to the fact that I am wearing a freaking SKIRT as per Daddy's orders, and sit and wait. I have to make sure my hair, which takes forever and a day to dry, doesn't look hideous because I so very much want this job. Then I have to leave at 3 for the interview. I don't care if I'm 45 minutes early, it just shows them that I'm eager and punctual.

And another thing: COUSIN GINGER IS COMING FRIDAY FOR MY PARTY!!!!!!!!! And I told Roland that I really wanted him to be there without Ronnie because I don't really know her that well. So he's coming anyways even though he told me that he's not comfortable being alone with Ginger, which is completely stupid because at a party, there's no way to be alone. Stupid boy. And so, yeah, GINGER IS COMING!!!!!!! SO PSYCHED, AS YOU CAN TELL BY MY ALL CAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Hugz
HM, the birthday girl

Birthday For Sale

Greetings.


I don't want my birthday this year. I mean, here's how it's going to go: Ally isn't coming, Bennie and Jasper are coming late, Roland will forget, and only half the people I invited will come. Every year, people forget my birthday. Aaron and Remy haven't remembered in three years. Last year was decent; I had about 3/4 of the people I invited come, but Ally couldn't make it (again). But the two years prior... My fourteenth: the first guest, Joseph, showed up an hour and 22 minutes late. No one called and said they were going to be late. I thought everyone had forgotten my birthday. Turns out, only a third of them did. My fifteenth: half of the people (I invited about seventeen) that I invited came. No one who didn't come called and said that they weren't coming. Hell, they all (except Ally) RSVPd that they were coming.

I don't want a party this year. I just did it because I wanted Ally to finally meet Joseph and it meant a lot to Bev. Bless her heart, she wants nothing more for me right now than for me to be skinny and popular and I am neither. Also, a lot of my friends at school were wondering why I wasn't having one. I don't want my birthday. I am seriously considering blowing it off, just going someplace where I don't know anyone (which, for someone with xenophobia, is like suicide) and just sit and wait for no one to call or text me, wondering where I am. They'll forget anyways.

Anyone want to buy a birthday? I'm sure all you Leap Year folk wouldn't mind a birthday that comes around every year. Without fail. Who knows? Maybe your friends will remember it. Maybe, if you decide to ditch, they'll wonder where you are. I don't want my birthday. I used to love having a summer birthday. I mean, pool parties, vacation, no school? What kid doesn't want that? But now since everyone's families leave for the beach or Florida or something stupid like that, I want a different birthday. Or better yet, no birthday at all. Nothing to forget.

I want a birthday no one will forget, everyone will remember, everyone will be in town for, and everyone will come to. I'm tired of sitting in an armchair by the door, waiting to see if someone will come. I want either people to remember or to just be left alone. I know that's a bit extreme but I'm just sick and tired of people forgetting, people lying, people not calling, people just being plain old rude to a girl who feels too much where her friends are concerned and who is a level one bipolar so she will cry if her guests aren't there within the first fifteen minutes, which I did that year when Joseph was an hour and 22 minutes late, so I just want everyone to either remember, call, or come, or just leave me alone. I am tired of getting my hopes up.

And those of you who say I'm being way over dramatic: STICK IT IN YOUR EAR.


Hugz
HM

The Amazing and Wonderful Allyson Vivian Clay

Greetings.


As I have stated many many many many many many times in the past, Ally is my sister. We met in daycare when we were three months old. Our mothers discovered that Ally was exactly two weeks older than I and they bonded over raising their girls. She lived around the corner from me until our families moved when we were five. She has a little sister, Colleen, with whom Bentley was in love with for the longest time, a mom, Wanda, and a dad, Robert. Both her parents are big in athletics; her mom is a high school P.E. teacher and volleyball coach, whose team has won state many many times, and her dad is the head of the Phys. Ed. Department at a university. And all of that athletics rubbed off on her.

Ally is a national champion in track and field. Discus especially, but she's fabulous in shot put too. She's broken record after record after record and she even went to the WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS. She got SECOND in the WORLD in DISCUS. (If that doesn't get her a scholarship, idk what will.) To top it all off, she's got good grades, though she's not that fond of Spanish, and she's a people person. She has only one flaw, well, one that I comment upon: She underestimates herself. And it bugs the Hell out of me. She doesn't think she's popular, yet I know people all over the state know her name. She thinks that just because she has super muscly legs (whereas I have super flabby ones) and can't find jeans that fit over her Supergirl thighs and her petite waist that she's fat. She doesn't think guys like her. And it really bugs me. I mean, when your hero has the same insecurities you do (even though hers is TOTALLY unfounded), it's kind of a downer.

And another thing I love about her: she and Claire are the two people I trust most with my dealio with Joseph. However, since I haven't seen Claire (cry cry) in a while, I have to turn to Ally most often since we chat via email. She is good with the advice, she gets excited when I need her to, and she points out hope when I don't see it. But she has never disillusioned me about love; she knows it's not a fairy tale. And get this: My hero envies me. ME. (Oh, God, now I'm crying. Why? Why, oh, why?) She says she's jealous that I have found someone like Joseph, someone to adore with all my heart, which I do and she knows it.

(While we're on the subject of Joseph, I think I'm getting obsessed. Repeat after me: "I, [insert name here], will not boil any bunnies, even if Joseph ticks me off." I don't think I could anyways. I love bunnies. I had three or four...)

I love you, Ally. Happy late birthday. AND I STILL HAVE YOUR PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Hugz
HM