Greetings.
I don't know if I am going to be writing on this blog again. I... feel it is futile. As cathartic as this is, I need something more stable. And maybe someday I will write on this again. But... I need to leave. I need... closure.
My emotional distress is not new, but this one is... one of the most distressing things I have had to deal with in my entire life. I don't want to get up in the mornings. I don't want to talk to people sometimes. But I do both of those things because I have to.
Joseph is in love with someone else and has been for a LONG time. I have no chance against her. She is kind, smart, beautiful... everything any sensible human being would want. I have no shot whatsoever. And I truly do wish I had never met him. Because since he told me, he has been avoiding me. I went to rehearsal for a new show my troupe is doing and he didn't even say hi to me. He walked up to a friend of ours who was standing next to me and just started talking to him, pretty much ignoring me. He didn't speak to me until he absolutely had to and I don't even remember why.
I am losing my best friend. This is just what I had feared. They're all gone. I want to crawl into a hole and die. I haven't seen Bennie in weeks. I have lost all contact with Joss. Joseph...
I still email Ally every day and I see Claire all the time. But... I love them. They are precious to me. And now they're leaving me. I HATE GOODBYES! I never wanted them to leave! I want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
Goodbye, Internet. I'll miss you. Possibly for a while.
Showing posts with label Joseph. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joseph. Show all posts
Friday, July 1, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Pretty Okay
Greetings.
Yesterday was pretty cool. I went to church and hung out with the babies, my little two- and three-year-olds. Alison and Fritz were so precious. They even helped me color a get well card for Nana. Petrie and I hung out for a bit, then I had to take Joseph home. We went by Borders, got a couple of books REALLY on sale because the Borders in our town is closing, and then we drove through places for lunch. He got Wendy's and I got Burger King. I dropped him off, but he invited me in so I could finish my sandwich. I went in, ate, and was about to leave when he asked me to watch some of these parody videos that he is so fond of. Team Four Star - TFS - does these DragonBallZ parodies that are pretty funny. I have only seen the first ten episodes, but it's pretty funny.
Okay, so we watched the first ten episodes and I figured I had stayed this long so might as well play video games. I watched him play "Call of DUty: Black Ops" (much to my later regret) and then he finished the level - which was our deal - fifteen minutes before I was supposed to leave so we got in as much of our game as we could. Beforehand, as he was playing CoD, I was lying behind his head and smelling his hair again. It smells like soap and some sort of light fruit. Then while it was a bloody part, he covered my eyes and sat next to me. It was sweet.
But otherwise, these last couple days have been a bit mundane. Oh well. God bless our troops. (Sorry, it was on my mind.)
Hugz
HM
Yesterday was pretty cool. I went to church and hung out with the babies, my little two- and three-year-olds. Alison and Fritz were so precious. They even helped me color a get well card for Nana. Petrie and I hung out for a bit, then I had to take Joseph home. We went by Borders, got a couple of books REALLY on sale because the Borders in our town is closing, and then we drove through places for lunch. He got Wendy's and I got Burger King. I dropped him off, but he invited me in so I could finish my sandwich. I went in, ate, and was about to leave when he asked me to watch some of these parody videos that he is so fond of. Team Four Star - TFS - does these DragonBallZ parodies that are pretty funny. I have only seen the first ten episodes, but it's pretty funny.
Okay, so we watched the first ten episodes and I figured I had stayed this long so might as well play video games. I watched him play "Call of DUty: Black Ops" (much to my later regret) and then he finished the level - which was our deal - fifteen minutes before I was supposed to leave so we got in as much of our game as we could. Beforehand, as he was playing CoD, I was lying behind his head and smelling his hair again. It smells like soap and some sort of light fruit. Then while it was a bloody part, he covered my eyes and sat next to me. It was sweet.
But otherwise, these last couple days have been a bit mundane. Oh well. God bless our troops. (Sorry, it was on my mind.)
Hugz
HM
Saturday, April 9, 2011
BEST BEST BEST BEST BEST DREAM EVER!
Greetings.
I had the absolute BEST dream last night. I was in HEAVEN, so much so that I refused to wake up. That is, until the dream stopped...
Okay, it's completely nonsensical, but try and follow. I didn't really get it either. Here goes:
We - Joseph, Claire, William Gottfried, Ernie Rodham, and I - were playing Dungeons and Dragons and I was a fairy. (Just go with it. The only thing that they can do is heal people and cast spells, good for long-range combat.) Anyways, there was some complication where all five of us got sucked into the game board and I was captured by the bad guy. Well, long story short, the others rescued me and we got out of the board. Since Joseph was the one who did most of the rescuing, I pounced on him - I didn't knock him over, but I knocked him back a couple of steps and wrapped my arms around him - and kissed him in appreciation. He was surprised, to say the least, but when I released him, he grabbed me and kissed me again. Then I had a flashforward to a few months later. We were watching a movie and we were sitting on the floor. I was laying in between his legs and we were holding hands. Every once in a while he would kiss the top of my head. It was so nice.
I wanted to stay there forever, but unfortunately dreams have to melt away, and mine did. When I woke up, i wanted to cry because I was frustrated with my subconscious. Why couldn't I stay in that happy place forever? That's usually the bad part about good dreams: you want to hurt something when you wake up from them.
Hugz
HM
I had the absolute BEST dream last night. I was in HEAVEN, so much so that I refused to wake up. That is, until the dream stopped...
Okay, it's completely nonsensical, but try and follow. I didn't really get it either. Here goes:
We - Joseph, Claire, William Gottfried, Ernie Rodham, and I - were playing Dungeons and Dragons and I was a fairy. (Just go with it. The only thing that they can do is heal people and cast spells, good for long-range combat.) Anyways, there was some complication where all five of us got sucked into the game board and I was captured by the bad guy. Well, long story short, the others rescued me and we got out of the board. Since Joseph was the one who did most of the rescuing, I pounced on him - I didn't knock him over, but I knocked him back a couple of steps and wrapped my arms around him - and kissed him in appreciation. He was surprised, to say the least, but when I released him, he grabbed me and kissed me again. Then I had a flashforward to a few months later. We were watching a movie and we were sitting on the floor. I was laying in between his legs and we were holding hands. Every once in a while he would kiss the top of my head. It was so nice.
I wanted to stay there forever, but unfortunately dreams have to melt away, and mine did. When I woke up, i wanted to cry because I was frustrated with my subconscious. Why couldn't I stay in that happy place forever? That's usually the bad part about good dreams: you want to hurt something when you wake up from them.
Hugz
HM
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
The Stupid Thing I Did Today
Greetings.
I don't know what your opinion of me may be based on this blog, but most people will tell you I am not impulsive and I normally make wise decisions. Well, okay, maybe not wise, but certainly not stupid. Sensible decisions is almost what I am known for. I'm indecisive when it comes to personal problems, but when there is a choice I have to make, I usually choose the one that works out the best for everyone involved and these choices usually come up everyday.
Today, however, I may have made the wrong one.
Chill out, it's not like I killed anyone or anything. Picture this: It's state "No-Child-Left-Behind" testing week at Horizon and the seniors don't have to take them. (Ha ha) So, we go to the theater and of course we have a speaker. Not just any speaker, a local policeman talking about local teens who are affected by car crashes. He even brought one of the mothers of one of the teens who died. I cried, but I freaked out at a couple points because of the blood. Okay, that didn't go too bad.
After that, we went out to the basketball courts where the car show was. Car show? What car show? Horizon has a car show and the winners of certain categories get something in the yearbook about them. I entered my new royal blue Prius - named Grover, like from Sesame Street - that I got on Sunday (I don't remember if I said anything about that) in two categories: Best Looking Ride and Nicest Interior. Bennie, Joss, Joseph and I just hung out in the car while everyone else sweat in the uncharacteristically hot sun. It was fun. I won Nicest Interior. I should; Grover has built-in sheepskin (I didn't order it) seat covers and still has that new car smell. =)
So far, so good, right? Nothing stupid. Yet.
Well, we go back to the theater for the awards and whatnot and we finish everything a little early. We have about half an hour before we're allowed to go to an all-school lunch. (The weird thing is they usually give us more time during all-school lunches and today they didn't.) Anyways, the activities director staff person whatever called for two girls and two guys. Two guys immediately went up and a single girl went up after much prodding. No other girl wanted to participate - which is weird because almost all of the cheerleaders were in the front three rows - so I just walked up there. It started with a quiz show - I won with the question "What is sand?" and my answer was "granulated sedimentary rock". The boys surrendered. - and then progressed to a dance-off. Here's the stupid part. I didn't sit down. Instead, they played some unidentified song with a kind of sweet sticky sexy beat and I just went with it. I was swaying, rocking, body-rolling, shaking, shimmying, I even took off my sweater in kind of a striptease-y way. The crowd went wild. I won. Normally I get second but the other guy who usually wins didn't participate today.
I'm not done. After the dance off, we still had 10 minutes left, so the activity lady called for singers. I volunteered. I was up there all ready. I sang "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. The crowd was clapping and having a good time. I fumbled a bit on the lyrics - I don't know the song as well as I know, say, "Hot N Cold" - but they were having fun. This decision was probably not a stupid as my striptease (ha ha), but I saw my friends' faces. They were embarrassed during all of it, especially the dance. It made me feel really sad. I know I did something stupid, but Bennie, Joss, and Joseph could have at least tried to have fun...
It kind of hurt my feelings. The others' friends were having a great time, cheering for them. Mine were blushing, sinking down in their seats, covering their faces. They didn't even try to be supportive of me. Oh well... it just kind of hurt, you know? Sigh... And people wonder why I don't volunteer more.
Hugz
HM
I don't know what your opinion of me may be based on this blog, but most people will tell you I am not impulsive and I normally make wise decisions. Well, okay, maybe not wise, but certainly not stupid. Sensible decisions is almost what I am known for. I'm indecisive when it comes to personal problems, but when there is a choice I have to make, I usually choose the one that works out the best for everyone involved and these choices usually come up everyday.
Today, however, I may have made the wrong one.
Chill out, it's not like I killed anyone or anything. Picture this: It's state "No-Child-Left-Behind" testing week at Horizon and the seniors don't have to take them. (Ha ha) So, we go to the theater and of course we have a speaker. Not just any speaker, a local policeman talking about local teens who are affected by car crashes. He even brought one of the mothers of one of the teens who died. I cried, but I freaked out at a couple points because of the blood. Okay, that didn't go too bad.
After that, we went out to the basketball courts where the car show was. Car show? What car show? Horizon has a car show and the winners of certain categories get something in the yearbook about them. I entered my new royal blue Prius - named Grover, like from Sesame Street - that I got on Sunday (I don't remember if I said anything about that) in two categories: Best Looking Ride and Nicest Interior. Bennie, Joss, Joseph and I just hung out in the car while everyone else sweat in the uncharacteristically hot sun. It was fun. I won Nicest Interior. I should; Grover has built-in sheepskin (I didn't order it) seat covers and still has that new car smell. =)
So far, so good, right? Nothing stupid. Yet.
Well, we go back to the theater for the awards and whatnot and we finish everything a little early. We have about half an hour before we're allowed to go to an all-school lunch. (The weird thing is they usually give us more time during all-school lunches and today they didn't.) Anyways, the activities director staff person whatever called for two girls and two guys. Two guys immediately went up and a single girl went up after much prodding. No other girl wanted to participate - which is weird because almost all of the cheerleaders were in the front three rows - so I just walked up there. It started with a quiz show - I won with the question "What is sand?" and my answer was "granulated sedimentary rock". The boys surrendered. - and then progressed to a dance-off. Here's the stupid part. I didn't sit down. Instead, they played some unidentified song with a kind of sweet sticky sexy beat and I just went with it. I was swaying, rocking, body-rolling, shaking, shimmying, I even took off my sweater in kind of a striptease-y way. The crowd went wild. I won. Normally I get second but the other guy who usually wins didn't participate today.
I'm not done. After the dance off, we still had 10 minutes left, so the activity lady called for singers. I volunteered. I was up there all ready. I sang "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. The crowd was clapping and having a good time. I fumbled a bit on the lyrics - I don't know the song as well as I know, say, "Hot N Cold" - but they were having fun. This decision was probably not a stupid as my striptease (ha ha), but I saw my friends' faces. They were embarrassed during all of it, especially the dance. It made me feel really sad. I know I did something stupid, but Bennie, Joss, and Joseph could have at least tried to have fun...
It kind of hurt my feelings. The others' friends were having a great time, cheering for them. Mine were blushing, sinking down in their seats, covering their faces. They didn't even try to be supportive of me. Oh well... it just kind of hurt, you know? Sigh... And people wonder why I don't volunteer more.
Hugz
HM
Monday, March 28, 2011
Nothing's Going Right
Greetings.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MY BLOG! WHEEEEEEE! I STARTED ON FRIDAY MARCH 26, 2010! WOW, IT'S BEEN AN INTERESTING YEAR! WAHOO!
Okay, time for the depressing stuff. As the intelligent ones among you readers can guess by the title, things are not going so hot for me. Let's start off with the easy one: I am sick. Not throwing-up-sick anymore, but I have a throat infection (though to me it feels like something else, but, hey, I can't see my own throat because I don't have a flashlight that small) and IT HURTS LIKE A @&^$(&@)&#$)^&)(*^&@(*^(*@*#$*^&@^^@*^$#&^*@&*(#*^^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Obviously, I didn't really curse, but you get the idea.)
The sad part is, and I know I have addressed this a MILLION times before, that none of my sisters nor my best friend have called to ask me what's wrong. Bennie did last week on Thursday, but there was nothing on Wednesday. I went to school on Friday - had a choir festival, kicked MAJOR WELLER PREPARATORY ACADEMY SAILORS' BUTT! - but felt sick by the end. I stayed in bed from Saturday to today. I didn't go to church yesterday. (It's Monday @ 11:54 when I am writing this part.) Joseph didn't call, nor did Petrie, but I didn't expect him to. Today, I got a text from Chase and then a reply from an earlier text message I sent to William. THAT'S IT! THAT'S ALL THE CONSIDERATION I GET WHEN I AM SICK! I shall have you know, I always make an effort to call, visit, email excessively, or, at the least, text insanely until I know every detail and diagnosis of their illness. I was worried sick when Ally tore her ACL, but, because she was always so busy, I could never visit. Not for lack of trying; I asked at least once a day. And when Claire was sick, I called her three times to check on her. Joseph? I took home after school and then I stopped by Jackson's and got him a piece of cake. Joss? Bennie? Texts, calls, the whole shebang. They just live a whole lot farther than the others otherwise I would have visited. I'd do the same for Chase and the rest but Chase has never been sick in the short time I've known him and the others I call and do whatever the second I hear about them because I don't see them on a daily basis.
But me? Nah. Maybe I'd just be better off if I just left for a while. It's not like people notice. And you want to know the saddest part? When Nana and I went to the doctor today, I was praying that I had tonsillitis so that I could have my tonsils out. Why? Maybe people would notice a major surgery, the fact that I couldn't talk, the legal pad or white board in my hands. (Okay, now it's Tuesday @ 12:03. Just so you know.) Whenever I get sick, I think of this one story I read in CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL FOR TEENS.
This girl was invisible at her high school, or so she felt. Always alone, no one spoke to her and she spoke to no one. I can't remember, but she was in between the ages of 15 and 17. One day, they diagnose her with ovarian cancer. She had her hysterectomy and suddenly she started to realize that people hadn't been shunning her; she had been shunning them. Whenever I get sick, I pray for it to be major so that I can have that happen to me. I know it's completely shallow and terrible and really REALLY pathetic, but that's what happens. Can you blame me? No one notices me when I'm well and not even my sisters/best friend notice when I'm sick. Which is sadder?
Oh, I forgot, there's worse news. Poppy, the man who is spending all of his money on me (and Bentley a little bit too, but not as much) is in the hospital with not only pneumonia BUT ALSO AN ANEURYSM IN ONE OF HIS MAJOR VEINS. Yeah, that's right. They wouldn't have noticed the aneurysm had he not gone in for pneumonia! He could have died! Dad's kind of shaking and he's been keeping close tabs on his half-brother, Dewey, and half-sister-in-law, Lara, for updates. I'm scared. This is why I hate people spending money on me. What if I never get to tell them thank you or pay them back? I want to talk to Poppy, but he's in ICU. Dad says he's fine and that the only thing he's complaining about is that he doesn't have his laptop to manage his stocks.
But I keep dwelling. He's a Christian Scientist and has been since his last wife, Nim, or Helena, died of pancreatic cancer about three years ago. He wouldn't even be in the hospital now if it weren't for Lara. She's monitoring him constantly and making sure he follows orders. I'm scared. I'm sorry, but I am. If you think it's wimpy of me to get all weepy about this, BACK THE HELL OFF. I am PMSing, I am sick, and I almost lost my grandfather. And for those of you heartless jerks out there who think I want his money? Shame on you. Then again, it's not my place to lay judgment.
GOD will punish you.
Hugz
HM
Dedicated to all of those frightened or suffering for a loved one. And everyone who is sick right this second. God bless.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MY BLOG! WHEEEEEEE! I STARTED ON FRIDAY MARCH 26, 2010! WOW, IT'S BEEN AN INTERESTING YEAR! WAHOO!
Okay, time for the depressing stuff. As the intelligent ones among you readers can guess by the title, things are not going so hot for me. Let's start off with the easy one: I am sick. Not throwing-up-sick anymore, but I have a throat infection (though to me it feels like something else, but, hey, I can't see my own throat because I don't have a flashlight that small) and IT HURTS LIKE A @&^$(&@)&#$)^&)(*^&@(*^(*@*#$*^&@^^@*^$#&^*@&*(#*^^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Obviously, I didn't really curse, but you get the idea.)
The sad part is, and I know I have addressed this a MILLION times before, that none of my sisters nor my best friend have called to ask me what's wrong. Bennie did last week on Thursday, but there was nothing on Wednesday. I went to school on Friday - had a choir festival, kicked MAJOR WELLER PREPARATORY ACADEMY SAILORS' BUTT! - but felt sick by the end. I stayed in bed from Saturday to today. I didn't go to church yesterday. (It's Monday @ 11:54 when I am writing this part.) Joseph didn't call, nor did Petrie, but I didn't expect him to. Today, I got a text from Chase and then a reply from an earlier text message I sent to William. THAT'S IT! THAT'S ALL THE CONSIDERATION I GET WHEN I AM SICK! I shall have you know, I always make an effort to call, visit, email excessively, or, at the least, text insanely until I know every detail and diagnosis of their illness. I was worried sick when Ally tore her ACL, but, because she was always so busy, I could never visit. Not for lack of trying; I asked at least once a day. And when Claire was sick, I called her three times to check on her. Joseph? I took home after school and then I stopped by Jackson's and got him a piece of cake. Joss? Bennie? Texts, calls, the whole shebang. They just live a whole lot farther than the others otherwise I would have visited. I'd do the same for Chase and the rest but Chase has never been sick in the short time I've known him and the others I call and do whatever the second I hear about them because I don't see them on a daily basis.
But me? Nah. Maybe I'd just be better off if I just left for a while. It's not like people notice. And you want to know the saddest part? When Nana and I went to the doctor today, I was praying that I had tonsillitis so that I could have my tonsils out. Why? Maybe people would notice a major surgery, the fact that I couldn't talk, the legal pad or white board in my hands. (Okay, now it's Tuesday @ 12:03. Just so you know.) Whenever I get sick, I think of this one story I read in CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL FOR TEENS.
This girl was invisible at her high school, or so she felt. Always alone, no one spoke to her and she spoke to no one. I can't remember, but she was in between the ages of 15 and 17. One day, they diagnose her with ovarian cancer. She had her hysterectomy and suddenly she started to realize that people hadn't been shunning her; she had been shunning them. Whenever I get sick, I pray for it to be major so that I can have that happen to me. I know it's completely shallow and terrible and really REALLY pathetic, but that's what happens. Can you blame me? No one notices me when I'm well and not even my sisters/best friend notice when I'm sick. Which is sadder?
Oh, I forgot, there's worse news. Poppy, the man who is spending all of his money on me (and Bentley a little bit too, but not as much) is in the hospital with not only pneumonia BUT ALSO AN ANEURYSM IN ONE OF HIS MAJOR VEINS. Yeah, that's right. They wouldn't have noticed the aneurysm had he not gone in for pneumonia! He could have died! Dad's kind of shaking and he's been keeping close tabs on his half-brother, Dewey, and half-sister-in-law, Lara, for updates. I'm scared. This is why I hate people spending money on me. What if I never get to tell them thank you or pay them back? I want to talk to Poppy, but he's in ICU. Dad says he's fine and that the only thing he's complaining about is that he doesn't have his laptop to manage his stocks.
But I keep dwelling. He's a Christian Scientist and has been since his last wife, Nim, or Helena, died of pancreatic cancer about three years ago. He wouldn't even be in the hospital now if it weren't for Lara. She's monitoring him constantly and making sure he follows orders. I'm scared. I'm sorry, but I am. If you think it's wimpy of me to get all weepy about this, BACK THE HELL OFF. I am PMSing, I am sick, and I almost lost my grandfather. And for those of you heartless jerks out there who think I want his money? Shame on you. Then again, it's not my place to lay judgment.
GOD will punish you.
Hugz
HM
Dedicated to all of those frightened or suffering for a loved one. And everyone who is sick right this second. God bless.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Life... And What We Must Put Up With In It
Greetings.
Life sucks. Anyone else notice this? Of course you do, who hasn't? That's the harder question. Right now, I am going to give you a few tips on how to live life. Or not. It all depends on you. (That's not the first tip, but you can take it or leave it.)
1) If you're happy now, keep being happy for as long as you can. Example: Claire and Jean-Luc broke up again earlier today, 2/28. I don't know if I told you all or not but Jean-Luc dumped Claire in January so he could date another girl (DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!) and I was pissed. Claire was depressed, I could tell, despite her facade. She can't fool me. And I don't care if I get reamed out by her for this, but I have to say it: she should not have taken him back. He started dating Lizzie Gomez LESS THAN A WEEK after he and she broke up. I really was pissed, as were most of her friends, especially Ernie and William. (Moral I could care less about.) Well, about a month ago, she took him back. And earlier today, they broke up again. Why? "It was inevitable" was pretty much the only valid reason she gave me. THAT'S NUTS! That's like saying, "It's inevitable that we're all going to die, so why don't we all go kill ourselves?" BE HAPPY. AS LONG AS YOU CAN, UNLESS IT'S ABSOLUTELY NOT AN OPTION, BE FRICKING HAPPY.
2) Expect the unexpected.
3) Learn when to stop. Example: Joseph was in our theater troupe's performance of PINOCCHIO and boy was he the cutest Gepetto that ever walked the earth. He was also the only one with an Italian accent. Well, for some reason, Joseph doesn't like to sing, or at least he only sings "when he feels like it". But he sang "When You Wish Upon A Star" at the end of the show with the rest of the cast and I could hear him because his microphone was up. Now, I hounded this all day at lunch today, singing lines from the song in a helium voice so he would try to gag me, smush my face, and get play mad at me in general. I can tell when he's really mad; no one is safe. But when he's play mad - which means he's really enjoying the attention that I give him, but I'm still kind of annoying him, a talent I have - he does things like try to stop me. I know when to stop. Usually it's after the chorus, but today I was tired so I quit early. ;)
4) Laugh. At EVERY opportunity. It's a blessing to laugh, a release. It's better than blogging. Ha ha. Here's the last one.
5) Learn how to say goodbye and hello. This is the lesson I have the most problems with. I can't say goodbye. I still have BARBIES from when I was three. I am a pack rat, but that's not really what I mean. Here's the example: Allyson, my hero and my oldest friend, is leaving, going 1,200 miles southwest to a little-not-so-little college called USC. Now, I hardly see her as is, what with her supremely busy schedule. But I can't fly 1200 miles to dye Easter eggs, exchange birthday/Christmas presents (by the way, yes, I still have her Christmas presents), go trick-or-treating, or just hang out and talk with her. She is my guiding light, my Clarence the Angel, my Jiminy Cricket. And now I have to say goodbye for God knows how long. There isn't much here in East Westerfield to bring her back and I'm planning on staying here. What am I going to do? I am terrible with goodbyes; I blubber worse than a baby. And now I'm going to have to say goodbye to Allyson Vivian Clay, who is practically my sister, for I don't know how long.
And you know what scares me the most? I'm scared that she, and all of my other friends - Joseph, Bennie, Joss, Claire - will go away and never come back for me.
Okay, I have GOT to stop now. I'm crying.
Hugz
HM
Life sucks. Anyone else notice this? Of course you do, who hasn't? That's the harder question. Right now, I am going to give you a few tips on how to live life. Or not. It all depends on you. (That's not the first tip, but you can take it or leave it.)
1) If you're happy now, keep being happy for as long as you can. Example: Claire and Jean-Luc broke up again earlier today, 2/28. I don't know if I told you all or not but Jean-Luc dumped Claire in January so he could date another girl (DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!) and I was pissed. Claire was depressed, I could tell, despite her facade. She can't fool me. And I don't care if I get reamed out by her for this, but I have to say it: she should not have taken him back. He started dating Lizzie Gomez LESS THAN A WEEK after he and she broke up. I really was pissed, as were most of her friends, especially Ernie and William. (Moral I could care less about.) Well, about a month ago, she took him back. And earlier today, they broke up again. Why? "It was inevitable" was pretty much the only valid reason she gave me. THAT'S NUTS! That's like saying, "It's inevitable that we're all going to die, so why don't we all go kill ourselves?" BE HAPPY. AS LONG AS YOU CAN, UNLESS IT'S ABSOLUTELY NOT AN OPTION, BE FRICKING HAPPY.
2) Expect the unexpected.
3) Learn when to stop. Example: Joseph was in our theater troupe's performance of PINOCCHIO and boy was he the cutest Gepetto that ever walked the earth. He was also the only one with an Italian accent. Well, for some reason, Joseph doesn't like to sing, or at least he only sings "when he feels like it". But he sang "When You Wish Upon A Star" at the end of the show with the rest of the cast and I could hear him because his microphone was up. Now, I hounded this all day at lunch today, singing lines from the song in a helium voice so he would try to gag me, smush my face, and get play mad at me in general. I can tell when he's really mad; no one is safe. But when he's play mad - which means he's really enjoying the attention that I give him, but I'm still kind of annoying him, a talent I have - he does things like try to stop me. I know when to stop. Usually it's after the chorus, but today I was tired so I quit early. ;)
4) Laugh. At EVERY opportunity. It's a blessing to laugh, a release. It's better than blogging. Ha ha. Here's the last one.
5) Learn how to say goodbye and hello. This is the lesson I have the most problems with. I can't say goodbye. I still have BARBIES from when I was three. I am a pack rat, but that's not really what I mean. Here's the example: Allyson, my hero and my oldest friend, is leaving, going 1,200 miles southwest to a little-not-so-little college called USC. Now, I hardly see her as is, what with her supremely busy schedule. But I can't fly 1200 miles to dye Easter eggs, exchange birthday/Christmas presents (by the way, yes, I still have her Christmas presents), go trick-or-treating, or just hang out and talk with her. She is my guiding light, my Clarence the Angel, my Jiminy Cricket. And now I have to say goodbye for God knows how long. There isn't much here in East Westerfield to bring her back and I'm planning on staying here. What am I going to do? I am terrible with goodbyes; I blubber worse than a baby. And now I'm going to have to say goodbye to Allyson Vivian Clay, who is practically my sister, for I don't know how long.
And you know what scares me the most? I'm scared that she, and all of my other friends - Joseph, Bennie, Joss, Claire - will go away and never come back for me.
Okay, I have GOT to stop now. I'm crying.
Hugz
HM
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Alone... and Hairspray
Greetings.
Why is it that when I want to be alone the most, people always come at me, demanding me to be social and hang out and "stop being such a grouch, HM, and play Scrabble with us!" I am fairly solitary, happy in myself and my thoughts. But then, when I want company the most, like when I'm driving home after school in Animal... I don't have anyone. Claire joined the stupid swim team (WHO THE HELL IN NORTH DAKOTA WOULD SWIM IN JANUARY/FEBRUARY?) and Joseph, Ernie, William, and Todd already have rides home the days that they don't have band practice. Or in AP English class. We're separated by sixes (sometimes sevens) into discussion groups all the time. I am in the back of the room all alone. I'm completely serious here. My AP English class is full of that rare breed of animal: the SMART popular jerks. So the one class I wish I had someone to talk to, they're busy talking about whose party whom went to, what Snooki did on JERSEY SHORE last night, and crap like that while I sit silently in the back of the class, six empty desks surrounding me (because when Mrs. Frost initially placed us at the beginning of the semester, she actually did place everyone in even groups, except no one listens to the seating chart), and don't speak unless Mrs. Frost calls on me. WHY COULDN'T JOSEPH BE IN THIS CLASS WITH ME? HE HAS IT, BUT THE PERIOD BEFORE MINE!
I'm sorry... I just had a really crappy day. I was all alone again, Dad and I had another fight (I'm not at Nana and Gramps's house, don't worry), Joseph mad me angry when he chose his band friends whom he sees for hours upon hours a day over me, and I just found out that this fifty-year-old woman got the part of Tracy in HAIRSPRAY that I just auditioned for on Sunday. That's right. You read it right. Tracy Turnblad, a seventeen-year-old chubby girl, is not going to be played by a seventeen-year-old chubby girl (ME) but by Rosanna Salazar, a late-forties fat woman with wrinkles all over her face. SHE'S PLAYING MY DREAM ROLE AND I KNOW I AUDITIONED BETTER THAN HER! Bev and Dad say it's politics. NO CRAP, SHERLOCK! I can't catch a break... this isn't my little junior theater troupe. No, this is the big leagues. These people are weird. If they could cast a twenty-year-old as little orphan Annie, they would. They ALWAYS cast old. ALWAYS. But I thought if I could go in and wow them with my songs, acting, and dancing, then I'd be okay. But no. I'm not old and fat. I'm young and fat. AND APPARENTLY THAT BARS ME FROM EVERY SINGLE GOSHDANG PART I COULD EVER PLAY, EVEN IF IT WAS PRACTICALLY WRITTEN FOR ME! And the worst part is that Rosanna is GOING TO HAVE TO KISS A YOUNG HOT GUY! THAT IS JUST SO MANY FLAVORS OF WRONG THAT YOU COULD PUT IT IN A BLENDER, PRESS PUREE, DRINK IT, AND IT WOULD HAVE THE COMBINED TASTES OF DOG CRAP!
I know I'm ranting, but I can't cry today so I am going to do as much online yelling as I dang well please. Sue me.
Hugz
HM
Why is it that when I want to be alone the most, people always come at me, demanding me to be social and hang out and "stop being such a grouch, HM, and play Scrabble with us!" I am fairly solitary, happy in myself and my thoughts. But then, when I want company the most, like when I'm driving home after school in Animal... I don't have anyone. Claire joined the stupid swim team (WHO THE HELL IN NORTH DAKOTA WOULD SWIM IN JANUARY/FEBRUARY?) and Joseph, Ernie, William, and Todd already have rides home the days that they don't have band practice. Or in AP English class. We're separated by sixes (sometimes sevens) into discussion groups all the time. I am in the back of the room all alone. I'm completely serious here. My AP English class is full of that rare breed of animal: the SMART popular jerks. So the one class I wish I had someone to talk to, they're busy talking about whose party whom went to, what Snooki did on JERSEY SHORE last night, and crap like that while I sit silently in the back of the class, six empty desks surrounding me (because when Mrs. Frost initially placed us at the beginning of the semester, she actually did place everyone in even groups, except no one listens to the seating chart), and don't speak unless Mrs. Frost calls on me. WHY COULDN'T JOSEPH BE IN THIS CLASS WITH ME? HE HAS IT, BUT THE PERIOD BEFORE MINE!
I'm sorry... I just had a really crappy day. I was all alone again, Dad and I had another fight (I'm not at Nana and Gramps's house, don't worry), Joseph mad me angry when he chose his band friends whom he sees for hours upon hours a day over me, and I just found out that this fifty-year-old woman got the part of Tracy in HAIRSPRAY that I just auditioned for on Sunday. That's right. You read it right. Tracy Turnblad, a seventeen-year-old chubby girl, is not going to be played by a seventeen-year-old chubby girl (ME) but by Rosanna Salazar, a late-forties fat woman with wrinkles all over her face. SHE'S PLAYING MY DREAM ROLE AND I KNOW I AUDITIONED BETTER THAN HER! Bev and Dad say it's politics. NO CRAP, SHERLOCK! I can't catch a break... this isn't my little junior theater troupe. No, this is the big leagues. These people are weird. If they could cast a twenty-year-old as little orphan Annie, they would. They ALWAYS cast old. ALWAYS. But I thought if I could go in and wow them with my songs, acting, and dancing, then I'd be okay. But no. I'm not old and fat. I'm young and fat. AND APPARENTLY THAT BARS ME FROM EVERY SINGLE GOSHDANG PART I COULD EVER PLAY, EVEN IF IT WAS PRACTICALLY WRITTEN FOR ME! And the worst part is that Rosanna is GOING TO HAVE TO KISS A YOUNG HOT GUY! THAT IS JUST SO MANY FLAVORS OF WRONG THAT YOU COULD PUT IT IN A BLENDER, PRESS PUREE, DRINK IT, AND IT WOULD HAVE THE COMBINED TASTES OF DOG CRAP!
I know I'm ranting, but I can't cry today so I am going to do as much online yelling as I dang well please. Sue me.
Hugz
HM
Friday, January 21, 2011
Girls' Day Out
Greetings.
For the males who read this (which happen to be none), girls love having days to themselves, especially if it's with a group of their closest friends. Traditionally, they'll spend the entire day shopping and spending your mortgage money, but this isn't always the case. Bev, Wanda, and their posse hang around at one of their houses, drink wine/beer, watch chick flicks, and gossip. Basically what I am leading up to is the entire after school day - from 3 p.m. to 10:45 p.m. (curfew's at 11) - became a girls' day out for me and Claire, except Joseph got thrown in at the end.
I drive Claire home almost everyday after school. We didn't have Gamer's Club and I didn't have to pick up Bentley from school, so we thought "Hey! Let's have a day to ourselves!" And we did. We went to see the 3:50 showing of TANGLED (pretty decent, really funny, better plot twists than normal. 4.5 out of 5 on the Disney scale.) at The Pagoda (Claire paid for the movie and snacks) and then we went to dinner at Jackson's Tex-Mex for dinner and CAKE!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!! (I paid for dinner and cake.)
On our way to Jackson's, Claire had a little mishap. She had placed the big tub of popcorn on the dashboard in front of her and after one stoplight she forgot to brace it... Well, let's just say that the mess that occurred took fifteen minutes to clean out in the parking lot of a local Costco and the butter stains on her crotch made her look like someone had given her a nasty surprise. After we ate at Jackson's, we went around the back alley behind Jackson's to get to Kermit parked on the other side, much to Claire's protestations. She rationed, "Something that only happens in movies already happened to us! Do you want to risk it?" Yes. Yes, I did. So she reluctantly followed me through the alley. I turned the corner to go into the alley and screamed. Claire nearly jumped out of her skin because I was joking. She almost tried to kill me. (She's almost a pacifist and she couldn't kill me even if she tried. Ha ha, Claire, ha ha!)
Now that covered until 7, so what'd we do for the rest of the time? Nothing. Well, nothing of importance. We went by Joseph's house. He wasn't there. We stopped by Kenny H's house. He wasn't there either. We dropped by Claire's house around 8 to use the bathrooms and then we went back to Joseph's and camped out in front of their house until they got home, around 8:45. It was awkward, but Joseph let us in and Claire's feet defrosted. (She was silly enough to leave her shoes at her house. She just thought we were going to go out to some field someplace and listen to music in the car. Wrong-o.) We watched a Fairly Odd Parents then went back into Joseph's room and watched him play SUPER MEAT BOY (it's actually fun to watch) and BIOSHOCK 2. When I go to Joseph's, I kind of have an established spot in his room. I lay diagonally on his bed with my feet at his nighttable and my head where Joseph's head is when he plays videogames and watches TV at the other corner. So basically I had my face in his hair. It was great. His hair smells really nice. I can't describe it but it smells clean. =) Plus, I was kind of playing with his hair and nuzzling his head and such and he didn't complain. Well, he complained once when I accidentally pulled his hair to hard, but that was because I accidentally laid on it. Oops.
We left around 9:50 and went to the field Claire was hoping for but on the drive there it was foggy and the fog was blowing at us so hard it felt like we were in Stephen King's THE MIST. We got freaked and I drove at a nice, slow 25 until we got to the spot. Claire said that Joseph and I looked cute and kind of perfect for each other (duh. ha ha) and we just sat and talked and listened to music until about 10:40 when we drove for five minutes to drop her off and then another ten seconds for me.
So yeah. GREAT night. I wish more of my sisters could have come - that would have made today absolutely perfect - but today was the best day I have had in a very long time and I wish I had something more to commemorate it. OMG! I FORGOT MY TICKET STUB! CLAIRE STILL HAS THEM! I HOPE SHE DOESN'T THROW THEM AWAY! (By the way, I collect ticket stubs from movies I go to and, since there are so few, I can tell you exactly whom I went with and what memory I have of that event.)
Hugz and hugz to infinity because I am in a great mood
HM
For the males who read this (which happen to be none), girls love having days to themselves, especially if it's with a group of their closest friends. Traditionally, they'll spend the entire day shopping and spending your mortgage money, but this isn't always the case. Bev, Wanda, and their posse hang around at one of their houses, drink wine/beer, watch chick flicks, and gossip. Basically what I am leading up to is the entire after school day - from 3 p.m. to 10:45 p.m. (curfew's at 11) - became a girls' day out for me and Claire, except Joseph got thrown in at the end.
I drive Claire home almost everyday after school. We didn't have Gamer's Club and I didn't have to pick up Bentley from school, so we thought "Hey! Let's have a day to ourselves!" And we did. We went to see the 3:50 showing of TANGLED (pretty decent, really funny, better plot twists than normal. 4.5 out of 5 on the Disney scale.) at The Pagoda (Claire paid for the movie and snacks) and then we went to dinner at Jackson's Tex-Mex for dinner and CAKE!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!! (I paid for dinner and cake.)
On our way to Jackson's, Claire had a little mishap. She had placed the big tub of popcorn on the dashboard in front of her and after one stoplight she forgot to brace it... Well, let's just say that the mess that occurred took fifteen minutes to clean out in the parking lot of a local Costco and the butter stains on her crotch made her look like someone had given her a nasty surprise. After we ate at Jackson's, we went around the back alley behind Jackson's to get to Kermit parked on the other side, much to Claire's protestations. She rationed, "Something that only happens in movies already happened to us! Do you want to risk it?" Yes. Yes, I did. So she reluctantly followed me through the alley. I turned the corner to go into the alley and screamed. Claire nearly jumped out of her skin because I was joking. She almost tried to kill me. (She's almost a pacifist and she couldn't kill me even if she tried. Ha ha, Claire, ha ha!)
Now that covered until 7, so what'd we do for the rest of the time? Nothing. Well, nothing of importance. We went by Joseph's house. He wasn't there. We stopped by Kenny H's house. He wasn't there either. We dropped by Claire's house around 8 to use the bathrooms and then we went back to Joseph's and camped out in front of their house until they got home, around 8:45. It was awkward, but Joseph let us in and Claire's feet defrosted. (She was silly enough to leave her shoes at her house. She just thought we were going to go out to some field someplace and listen to music in the car. Wrong-o.) We watched a Fairly Odd Parents then went back into Joseph's room and watched him play SUPER MEAT BOY (it's actually fun to watch) and BIOSHOCK 2. When I go to Joseph's, I kind of have an established spot in his room. I lay diagonally on his bed with my feet at his nighttable and my head where Joseph's head is when he plays videogames and watches TV at the other corner. So basically I had my face in his hair. It was great. His hair smells really nice. I can't describe it but it smells clean. =) Plus, I was kind of playing with his hair and nuzzling his head and such and he didn't complain. Well, he complained once when I accidentally pulled his hair to hard, but that was because I accidentally laid on it. Oops.
We left around 9:50 and went to the field Claire was hoping for but on the drive there it was foggy and the fog was blowing at us so hard it felt like we were in Stephen King's THE MIST. We got freaked and I drove at a nice, slow 25 until we got to the spot. Claire said that Joseph and I looked cute and kind of perfect for each other (duh. ha ha) and we just sat and talked and listened to music until about 10:40 when we drove for five minutes to drop her off and then another ten seconds for me.
So yeah. GREAT night. I wish more of my sisters could have come - that would have made today absolutely perfect - but today was the best day I have had in a very long time and I wish I had something more to commemorate it. OMG! I FORGOT MY TICKET STUB! CLAIRE STILL HAS THEM! I HOPE SHE DOESN'T THROW THEM AWAY! (By the way, I collect ticket stubs from movies I go to and, since there are so few, I can tell you exactly whom I went with and what memory I have of that event.)
Hugz and hugz to infinity because I am in a great mood
HM
Monday, January 17, 2011
These Are a Few of My Favorite Things
Greetings.
Now, i am going to add to my ever growing list of my favorite things, on which I already have these items:
My sisters, Joseph, my friends, shamrocks, FAMILY MATTERS, NCIS, huge glasses, tight buns, Jackson's cake, clean hair, roses, good non-racist jokes, long flowy capes, stained glass windows, sweet-smelling grass.
And now I am going to add the following: Joseph's stinky sock feet.
Okay, okay, let me explain.
Joseph, Petrie, and I were hanging out at church yesterday as usual. And we were talking about video games and all sorts of junk like that, you know, like we always do. Well, Joseph and I were messing around on the couch, throwing pillows, hitting each other. (We must have looked kind of silly, but Petrie's cool so he doesn't care. It was when four other girls - one of whom goes to Horizon with me and Joseph - came in that I got a little flustered.) But one time, Joseph just decides "Pfft! Screw the pillows! I'm going to attack her with my feet!", takes his shoes off, and lays his feet on my chest, waving them in my face. I took a blanket and covered my face from the attack, and we just kept playing. It was a lot of fun. He was playing with me! Wheeeee!
So I hope that now you understand why I like Joseph's sock feet. They aren't really stinky, I promise.
Hugz
HM
Now, i am going to add to my ever growing list of my favorite things, on which I already have these items:
My sisters, Joseph, my friends, shamrocks, FAMILY MATTERS, NCIS, huge glasses, tight buns, Jackson's cake, clean hair, roses, good non-racist jokes, long flowy capes, stained glass windows, sweet-smelling grass.
And now I am going to add the following: Joseph's stinky sock feet.
Okay, okay, let me explain.
Joseph, Petrie, and I were hanging out at church yesterday as usual. And we were talking about video games and all sorts of junk like that, you know, like we always do. Well, Joseph and I were messing around on the couch, throwing pillows, hitting each other. (We must have looked kind of silly, but Petrie's cool so he doesn't care. It was when four other girls - one of whom goes to Horizon with me and Joseph - came in that I got a little flustered.) But one time, Joseph just decides "Pfft! Screw the pillows! I'm going to attack her with my feet!", takes his shoes off, and lays his feet on my chest, waving them in my face. I took a blanket and covered my face from the attack, and we just kept playing. It was a lot of fun. He was playing with me! Wheeeee!
So I hope that now you understand why I like Joseph's sock feet. They aren't really stinky, I promise.
Hugz
HM
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Those Precious Moments
Greetings.
"To err is human." I don't know who said it, but I put it in this blog post for two reasons. 1) It's an awesome quote and I just wanted to use it. And 2) it's one hundred percent true.
Okay, as you guessed by the title, erring has nothing to do with what I want to talk about. It's just a cool quote. But you know those little moments in life that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside when you think about them? Yeah, I don't have a whole lot of them from recent years. I mean, some people can find at least one a day. I'm lucky if I find one once a month. Okay, sure, I love my friends and all very much, but I only get to see them for 40 minutes a day at lunch unless we work really hard to see each other. So my memory possibilities are very limited. Then I have my family, who does their own thing and leaves me alone for a lot of the time. Either that, or they just start yelling at me for no good reason and- okay, no, I am not going to get mad today.
So basically, those happy little moments are fairly scarce. But I have had a few that I would like to share with you.
Exhibit A:
Joseph, Claire, Bennie, Ernie, and our friend Todd Harvey (no relation to my psycho ex-one-date-guy/ex-friend) were sitting behind the band room at our school waiting for Todd's mom to pick Ernie, Todd, and Joseph up. I have been sick for about a week and I was feeling particularly crappy yesterday - not just because of that but also I hadn't had a single thing to eat that day - so I pulled Joseph closer to me and laid my head on his shoulder. He didn't make me move it. In fact, when I informed him that I hadn't eaten all day (I had been super busy at lunch so I didn't see him, nor did I get lunch, duh) he tried to make me eat a Rice Krispie Treat, which I hate, but his heart was in the right place. And he let me lay on his shoulder until Mrs. Harvey picked them up. I noticed Bennie and Claire were giggling over something so I stole the iPod I had seen them giggling at and read it. It was about how Joseph and I looked so cute together. I felt good, but still sick and hungry.
Exhibit B:
Any time I see Ally. I hardly ever see her and I miss her dreadfully. So every time I see her, I feel great and I don't miss her anymore. That is until she leaves. WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!
Exhibit C: (I am not going to say anymore after this one)
The time in the car I have with my brother Bentley. When we talk or sing songs, I feel great. He and I don't get a lot of time together - he's a studly young guy and has a girlfriend as well as a show to do - so the little time I do, it's great.
While those aren't the only ones, these are some of the best examples. I love my friends and my brother. And I can tolerate my parents sometimes. But these are some of my favorite examples. (Also, pretty much any moment with Joseph counts.) ;)
Hugz
HM
"To err is human." I don't know who said it, but I put it in this blog post for two reasons. 1) It's an awesome quote and I just wanted to use it. And 2) it's one hundred percent true.
Okay, as you guessed by the title, erring has nothing to do with what I want to talk about. It's just a cool quote. But you know those little moments in life that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside when you think about them? Yeah, I don't have a whole lot of them from recent years. I mean, some people can find at least one a day. I'm lucky if I find one once a month. Okay, sure, I love my friends and all very much, but I only get to see them for 40 minutes a day at lunch unless we work really hard to see each other. So my memory possibilities are very limited. Then I have my family, who does their own thing and leaves me alone for a lot of the time. Either that, or they just start yelling at me for no good reason and- okay, no, I am not going to get mad today.
So basically, those happy little moments are fairly scarce. But I have had a few that I would like to share with you.
Exhibit A:
Joseph, Claire, Bennie, Ernie, and our friend Todd Harvey (no relation to my psycho ex-one-date-guy/ex-friend) were sitting behind the band room at our school waiting for Todd's mom to pick Ernie, Todd, and Joseph up. I have been sick for about a week and I was feeling particularly crappy yesterday - not just because of that but also I hadn't had a single thing to eat that day - so I pulled Joseph closer to me and laid my head on his shoulder. He didn't make me move it. In fact, when I informed him that I hadn't eaten all day (I had been super busy at lunch so I didn't see him, nor did I get lunch, duh) he tried to make me eat a Rice Krispie Treat, which I hate, but his heart was in the right place. And he let me lay on his shoulder until Mrs. Harvey picked them up. I noticed Bennie and Claire were giggling over something so I stole the iPod I had seen them giggling at and read it. It was about how Joseph and I looked so cute together. I felt good, but still sick and hungry.
Exhibit B:
Any time I see Ally. I hardly ever see her and I miss her dreadfully. So every time I see her, I feel great and I don't miss her anymore. That is until she leaves. WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!
Exhibit C: (I am not going to say anymore after this one)
The time in the car I have with my brother Bentley. When we talk or sing songs, I feel great. He and I don't get a lot of time together - he's a studly young guy and has a girlfriend as well as a show to do - so the little time I do, it's great.
While those aren't the only ones, these are some of the best examples. I love my friends and my brother. And I can tolerate my parents sometimes. But these are some of my favorite examples. (Also, pretty much any moment with Joseph counts.) ;)
Hugz
HM
Friday, December 31, 2010
New Year's Apology (With a Resolution In There Somewhere)
Greetings.
Sorry I have not posted in a while. My email with Ally was down and she's the main reader of my blog, Claire a close second. I didn't see a point in posting for no one. Plus, I have been kind of bust. Not a lot, except for finals (easy), but busy enough. Speaking of school, I am bummed that vacation went by so fast and I STILL haven't started reading GREAT EXPECTATIONS. It just means a buttload of work when I get back to school and I hate that. Poop.
Anyways, Christmas was kind of bittersweet. I got to see Josie and Jeremy and Uncle Sam and (ugh) Aunt Gertie at dinner a few days beforehand and I spent all day Christmas Day with Josie and Jeremy. I love my little cousins, they are so cute. And I had my family - Bev, Dad, Bentley, Sam, Gertie, Josie, Jeremy, Gertie's dad Lorenzo, Josephine, Nana, and Gramps. But the bitter part: I got five items, out of thirty, that I wanted. That's not even twenty percent. It's like Nana and Bev are TRYING not to listen to me and they do a really great job. I know, I know, "HM, you should be thankful that you even GET presents! Think about those kids in Uganda who are dying!"
Screw you. I want my fricking presents. (Though I did donate my entire bank account - what little was left, about two hundred bucks - to the Invisible Children fund AND I made one of those Samaritan's Purse boxes. So stuff it.)
I threw Claire a surprise party yesterday. Her birthday is three days after Christmas so she rarely gets a party. We went to this karaoke restaurant that she loves - we call it the "NASCAR Bar" because of the rednecks - and surprised her so badly that she screamed. I just told her that Joseph, Ernie, and William were taking her to dinner for her birthday and we did technically but I think she peed her pants with surprise. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! She loved it. And, through the magic of Facebook (yes, we have Internet in South Dakota too!), I managed to get some of her friends that she hasn't seen in forever.
Speaking of people someone hasn't seen in forever, JAKE MICHAELS CAME TO TOWN! I don't know if I said anything much about Jake before, but during sixth grade at Southington Heights Christian Academy, he and Pauley Border were whom I considered my best friends. We have kind of grown apart over the years, but the three of us always have a movie night whenever Jake is in town. (He moved north to Fort Yates.) So today we went to see TRON: LEGACY. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't my favorite. I hate the ending. Anyways, I was so happy to see Jake and Pauley!
Hmm, what else? I haven't seen my sisters or Joseph all that much, which sucks, but I did get to see them at least once. Joss, Claire, and Joseph were at the surprise party and I've seen Bennie twice. The only one I haven't seen is Ally and I have four presents for her! Perhaps I'll go over tomorrow. I need to sometime.
Anyways, Happy New Year from your favorite fat cynic, Harmony Margaret Juniper Leeann Heloise Walker-Lowell. Also, Merry Belated Christmas, Happy Late Hanukkah, Merry After Kwanzaa, et cetera. =)
Hugz,
HM
Sorry I have not posted in a while. My email with Ally was down and she's the main reader of my blog, Claire a close second. I didn't see a point in posting for no one. Plus, I have been kind of bust. Not a lot, except for finals (easy), but busy enough. Speaking of school, I am bummed that vacation went by so fast and I STILL haven't started reading GREAT EXPECTATIONS. It just means a buttload of work when I get back to school and I hate that. Poop.
Anyways, Christmas was kind of bittersweet. I got to see Josie and Jeremy and Uncle Sam and (ugh) Aunt Gertie at dinner a few days beforehand and I spent all day Christmas Day with Josie and Jeremy. I love my little cousins, they are so cute. And I had my family - Bev, Dad, Bentley, Sam, Gertie, Josie, Jeremy, Gertie's dad Lorenzo, Josephine, Nana, and Gramps. But the bitter part: I got five items, out of thirty, that I wanted. That's not even twenty percent. It's like Nana and Bev are TRYING not to listen to me and they do a really great job. I know, I know, "HM, you should be thankful that you even GET presents! Think about those kids in Uganda who are dying!"
Screw you. I want my fricking presents. (Though I did donate my entire bank account - what little was left, about two hundred bucks - to the Invisible Children fund AND I made one of those Samaritan's Purse boxes. So stuff it.)
I threw Claire a surprise party yesterday. Her birthday is three days after Christmas so she rarely gets a party. We went to this karaoke restaurant that she loves - we call it the "NASCAR Bar" because of the rednecks - and surprised her so badly that she screamed. I just told her that Joseph, Ernie, and William were taking her to dinner for her birthday and we did technically but I think she peed her pants with surprise. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! She loved it. And, through the magic of Facebook (yes, we have Internet in South Dakota too!), I managed to get some of her friends that she hasn't seen in forever.
Speaking of people someone hasn't seen in forever, JAKE MICHAELS CAME TO TOWN! I don't know if I said anything much about Jake before, but during sixth grade at Southington Heights Christian Academy, he and Pauley Border were whom I considered my best friends. We have kind of grown apart over the years, but the three of us always have a movie night whenever Jake is in town. (He moved north to Fort Yates.) So today we went to see TRON: LEGACY. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't my favorite. I hate the ending. Anyways, I was so happy to see Jake and Pauley!
Hmm, what else? I haven't seen my sisters or Joseph all that much, which sucks, but I did get to see them at least once. Joss, Claire, and Joseph were at the surprise party and I've seen Bennie twice. The only one I haven't seen is Ally and I have four presents for her! Perhaps I'll go over tomorrow. I need to sometime.
Anyways, Happy New Year from your favorite fat cynic, Harmony Margaret Juniper Leeann Heloise Walker-Lowell. Also, Merry Belated Christmas, Happy Late Hanukkah, Merry After Kwanzaa, et cetera. =)
Hugz,
HM
Thursday, December 9, 2010
THE NEW RULES OF HIGH SCHOOL
Greetings.
Category: Book Subjects.
Drugs. Sex. Alcohol. High Schoolers taking part in all of these things.
Ding! Harmony Margaret, what is your answer?
"Um, what are things that I NEVER EVER EVER EVER really want to read about?"
Well, if you understood that, then you get the idea of my reaction to THE NEW RULES OF HIGH SCHOOL by Blake Nelson. This book kept building and building and BUILDING to something awesome or interesting, but it turned to crap. Nothing gratifying came out of it. Nothing! Why is this author so well-known? One of his books, GIRL, is a movie. Why? If all of his books are like this, why would anyone want to read them? It has sloppy, choppy writing, no description WHATSOEVER (and, coming from someone who HATES description, is saying a lot), and no real point. There's a lot of dialogue, which I really enjoy, but it served no real purpose and added absolutely nothing to the story. Punctuation and well-developed syntax are completely ignored. The sentences are short and bland. WHY DID PEOPLE LIKE THIS?
Two good authors - an award-winning author and an executive editor of a youth magazine - seemed to adore this book, even going so far as to compare it to CATCHER IN THE RYE. ...Wow. Just wow. Why? I have never read CATCHER, but everyone I know who has read it deems it as a classic. (However, if it is anything like this book I just read, I think I'll stay away from it.)
Anyways, I just read a crappy book and it's two days of my life I will never get back. That. Sucks. Major. Rocks.
Oh, and I spent all morning with Joseph. We had a late start and I gave him a ride. WHEEEEE!
Hugz
HM
Category: Book Subjects.
Drugs. Sex. Alcohol. High Schoolers taking part in all of these things.
Ding! Harmony Margaret, what is your answer?
"Um, what are things that I NEVER EVER EVER EVER really want to read about?"
Well, if you understood that, then you get the idea of my reaction to THE NEW RULES OF HIGH SCHOOL by Blake Nelson. This book kept building and building and BUILDING to something awesome or interesting, but it turned to crap. Nothing gratifying came out of it. Nothing! Why is this author so well-known? One of his books, GIRL, is a movie. Why? If all of his books are like this, why would anyone want to read them? It has sloppy, choppy writing, no description WHATSOEVER (and, coming from someone who HATES description, is saying a lot), and no real point. There's a lot of dialogue, which I really enjoy, but it served no real purpose and added absolutely nothing to the story. Punctuation and well-developed syntax are completely ignored. The sentences are short and bland. WHY DID PEOPLE LIKE THIS?
Two good authors - an award-winning author and an executive editor of a youth magazine - seemed to adore this book, even going so far as to compare it to CATCHER IN THE RYE. ...Wow. Just wow. Why? I have never read CATCHER, but everyone I know who has read it deems it as a classic. (However, if it is anything like this book I just read, I think I'll stay away from it.)
Anyways, I just read a crappy book and it's two days of my life I will never get back. That. Sucks. Major. Rocks.
Oh, and I spent all morning with Joseph. We had a late start and I gave him a ride. WHEEEEE!
Hugz
HM
Sunday, December 5, 2010
A Christmas Carol/A Charlie Brown Christmas
Greetings.
Well, I had an amazing day today and yesterday. So far, church was fun, I had brunch with Nana, and i am going to see TANGLED with Chase later on. But yesterday was awesome.
We had our last shows of A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS/A CHRISTMAS CAROL yesterday (Joseph, who played Bob Cratchit, made me cry every time and I hate crying) and we went to the cast party with Claire, Jasper, Joseph, Bentley, and all of Bentley's little groupies whom I care nothing about. At the cast party, Jasper, Donna (you know, the show off-y prima donna [oh, the irony] whom I don't care much for), and I were singing the song "Men in Tights" from the Mel Brooks film of almost the exact same name but we had used it last year in our production of ROBIN HOOD. Soon, the entire side room of Sammy's Pizza Parlor that we had invaded at the cast party was singing along with us and Jasper, Bentley, and another kid named Curtis performed the dance that they did in the play and at the Toby awards. It. Was. Hysterical.
On the way home, Claire, Bentley, Dad, and I had a very real near-death experience, I crap you not. Dad was driving because I can't drive after 11 p.m. until I turn 18 and it was 12:15. Out of nowhere, this drunk idiot in a Corvette (rare around East Westerfield) barely missed us and then continued swerving back and forth, back and forth, until he turned into his neighborhood. It scared the living CRAP out of us. Claire and I jumped and Bentley dropped his iPhone (which he never has out of his hands, I swear). We almost died. Scary as Hell. However, Ally knows what to do if I die early. So does Claire, but she was in the car too.
Anyways, I enjoyed all of the quality time I had with joseph and I cannot wait for the next show that we are in. Plus. Claire and Bentley had a lot of fun too.
Hugz
HM
Well, I had an amazing day today and yesterday. So far, church was fun, I had brunch with Nana, and i am going to see TANGLED with Chase later on. But yesterday was awesome.
We had our last shows of A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS/A CHRISTMAS CAROL yesterday (Joseph, who played Bob Cratchit, made me cry every time and I hate crying) and we went to the cast party with Claire, Jasper, Joseph, Bentley, and all of Bentley's little groupies whom I care nothing about. At the cast party, Jasper, Donna (you know, the show off-y prima donna [oh, the irony] whom I don't care much for), and I were singing the song "Men in Tights" from the Mel Brooks film of almost the exact same name but we had used it last year in our production of ROBIN HOOD. Soon, the entire side room of Sammy's Pizza Parlor that we had invaded at the cast party was singing along with us and Jasper, Bentley, and another kid named Curtis performed the dance that they did in the play and at the Toby awards. It. Was. Hysterical.
On the way home, Claire, Bentley, Dad, and I had a very real near-death experience, I crap you not. Dad was driving because I can't drive after 11 p.m. until I turn 18 and it was 12:15. Out of nowhere, this drunk idiot in a Corvette (rare around East Westerfield) barely missed us and then continued swerving back and forth, back and forth, until he turned into his neighborhood. It scared the living CRAP out of us. Claire and I jumped and Bentley dropped his iPhone (which he never has out of his hands, I swear). We almost died. Scary as Hell. However, Ally knows what to do if I die early. So does Claire, but she was in the car too.
Anyways, I enjoyed all of the quality time I had with joseph and I cannot wait for the next show that we are in. Plus. Claire and Bentley had a lot of fun too.
Hugz
HM
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Christmas... and Scroogedom
Greetings.
Bev has a Christmas complex. I swear. She insists, the SECOND that Thanksgiving is over, that Christmas is ushered in. She set up the Christmas tree THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING. It's like, "Hey. pig out, eat the food! 12:01 a.m.? Oh, no! JESUS WILL BE MAD AT ME IF I DON'T SET UP THE TREE RIGHT THIS SECOND!" Yes, that's pretty much what she's like. She loves Christmas. Like, she would cheat on Dad with it if she could.
I love Christmas too. WHEN IT'S FRICKING DECEMBER!!!!!!!!! It's not even December and we're suiting up for Christmas. Does anyone else think that this is wrong? For one, Jesus's birthday was in the SUMMER. But let's ignore that for a moment. Aren't there supposed to be twelve days of Christmas? So why are we starting to prepare for it twelve WEEKS before it?
I guess you could call me a Scrooge - humbug and all that - but truthfully, I haven't really felt the Christmas spirit in a long time. Sure I feel good on Christmas Day and the presents are nice. But I can't remember what the Christmas Spirit feels like. I remember I used to have it... then poof. One year it was gone. Maybe it was during the worst year of my life - seventh grade, age 12 - that I lost it. I'm watching even THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC and he has great Christmas cheer. The biggest cynic I know loves Christmas. What does that make me? Oh, my gosh...
I am Scrooge! I'm seriously Scrooge! He had Christmas spirit with his sister Fan and Fezziwig and Belle and then he lost it and became a rich miser! I'M FRICKING SCROOGE! (except I'm not rich) Dude, I need some GHOSTS. I need help! HELP ME, SOMEONE! Oh, Lord!
On a related note, I have been asked to play a part in the Dove Creek Bible Church's Christmas show. Maybe that will help me get my spirit back. I used to be in play all the time at my old church - Southington Heights Christian Church, the mother organization to Southington Heights Christian Academy - and I loved it.
And now for something completely different. I had the worst nightmare last night. I dreamt that Joseph was on a date WITH A GUY FROM MY THEATER TROUPE (I am unsure if the guy from my troupe is gay or not) NAMED GARRISON OTTEN. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I HAVE NO CHRISTMAS SPIRIT AND I HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THE GUY I LOVE AS A GAY MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE GET ME SOME PSYCHIATRIC HELP!!!!!!!!!!! I woke up in a cold sweat, I was so freaked out. Mind you I was only asleep for an hour last night, I crap you not, mostly because I was stupid enough to watch the Nostalgia Critic's Old vs. New of WILLY WONKA/CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.
Guess what I have a pathological fear of. Yep. The fricking Blueberry in those movies.
I am going to go check myself into Arkham Asylum now.
Cuckooz
HM (Why so serious?)
Bev has a Christmas complex. I swear. She insists, the SECOND that Thanksgiving is over, that Christmas is ushered in. She set up the Christmas tree THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING. It's like, "Hey. pig out, eat the food! 12:01 a.m.? Oh, no! JESUS WILL BE MAD AT ME IF I DON'T SET UP THE TREE RIGHT THIS SECOND!" Yes, that's pretty much what she's like. She loves Christmas. Like, she would cheat on Dad with it if she could.
I love Christmas too. WHEN IT'S FRICKING DECEMBER!!!!!!!!! It's not even December and we're suiting up for Christmas. Does anyone else think that this is wrong? For one, Jesus's birthday was in the SUMMER. But let's ignore that for a moment. Aren't there supposed to be twelve days of Christmas? So why are we starting to prepare for it twelve WEEKS before it?
I guess you could call me a Scrooge - humbug and all that - but truthfully, I haven't really felt the Christmas spirit in a long time. Sure I feel good on Christmas Day and the presents are nice. But I can't remember what the Christmas Spirit feels like. I remember I used to have it... then poof. One year it was gone. Maybe it was during the worst year of my life - seventh grade, age 12 - that I lost it. I'm watching even THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC and he has great Christmas cheer. The biggest cynic I know loves Christmas. What does that make me? Oh, my gosh...
I am Scrooge! I'm seriously Scrooge! He had Christmas spirit with his sister Fan and Fezziwig and Belle and then he lost it and became a rich miser! I'M FRICKING SCROOGE! (except I'm not rich) Dude, I need some GHOSTS. I need help! HELP ME, SOMEONE! Oh, Lord!
On a related note, I have been asked to play a part in the Dove Creek Bible Church's Christmas show. Maybe that will help me get my spirit back. I used to be in play all the time at my old church - Southington Heights Christian Church, the mother organization to Southington Heights Christian Academy - and I loved it.
And now for something completely different. I had the worst nightmare last night. I dreamt that Joseph was on a date WITH A GUY FROM MY THEATER TROUPE (I am unsure if the guy from my troupe is gay or not) NAMED GARRISON OTTEN. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I HAVE NO CHRISTMAS SPIRIT AND I HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THE GUY I LOVE AS A GAY MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE GET ME SOME PSYCHIATRIC HELP!!!!!!!!!!! I woke up in a cold sweat, I was so freaked out. Mind you I was only asleep for an hour last night, I crap you not, mostly because I was stupid enough to watch the Nostalgia Critic's Old vs. New of WILLY WONKA/CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.
Guess what I have a pathological fear of. Yep. The fricking Blueberry in those movies.
I am going to go check myself into Arkham Asylum now.
Cuckooz
HM (Why so serious?)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The. Best. Sunday. Ever.
Greetings.
I have no clue how to start this one! I'm just so happy! And dazzled! And very stunned!
Okay, I went to church today except I was kind of bad because I just stayed in the Fellowship Room the whole time with Joseph and Petrie. Oh, well. It was worth it!
At some point during the conversation about the Nostalgia Critic, Red vs. Blue, and the Cinema Snob, I said something wrong so he decided to push my face as usual. I went with it. Then later on he decided to tackle me with a pillow from the couch we were sitting on. He placed it on top of my head and pressed and covered my face. Okay.
Finally one time he did the same as the last time except he pressed the pillow on my head with his chest and then covered my eyes with one hand and right above one of my boobs with the other. I said, "If you're trying to cop a feel, I will hurt you." Halfway through my sentence, he moved his hand to my leg. I removed the hand, but I only did it because during all three of these, Petrie was watching. I have no idea how he reacted because my eyes were covered. I think he just went with it. I really don't know.
Mind you, I LOVED it. I know I described it poorly, but it was much better than it sounded, I promise. After church, I went to brunch with Nana. Then after I did some homework, I took a nap with Odie. A nice day.
Hugz
HM
I have no clue how to start this one! I'm just so happy! And dazzled! And very stunned!
Okay, I went to church today except I was kind of bad because I just stayed in the Fellowship Room the whole time with Joseph and Petrie. Oh, well. It was worth it!
At some point during the conversation about the Nostalgia Critic, Red vs. Blue, and the Cinema Snob, I said something wrong so he decided to push my face as usual. I went with it. Then later on he decided to tackle me with a pillow from the couch we were sitting on. He placed it on top of my head and pressed and covered my face. Okay.
Finally one time he did the same as the last time except he pressed the pillow on my head with his chest and then covered my eyes with one hand and right above one of my boobs with the other. I said, "If you're trying to cop a feel, I will hurt you." Halfway through my sentence, he moved his hand to my leg. I removed the hand, but I only did it because during all three of these, Petrie was watching. I have no idea how he reacted because my eyes were covered. I think he just went with it. I really don't know.
Mind you, I LOVED it. I know I described it poorly, but it was much better than it sounded, I promise. After church, I went to brunch with Nana. Then after I did some homework, I took a nap with Odie. A nice day.
Hugz
HM
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Halloween
Greetings.
Well it is my first Halloween post and - guess what - I DON'T GET TO GO TRICK-OR-TREATING, WHICH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO DO!!!!!!!!!!! I am stuck at home. Ally is going trick-or-treating with Colleen and her friends from school, Claire can't trick-or-treat just because it's SUNDAY (right now, I really hate Mormonism), and even BENTLEY is ditching me and going to a party or something like that with either a group of girls from school or a group of girls from his game show or a group of girls from theater. (Notice a pattern here?)
Well, this SUCKS. Like, MARJORLY. I LIVE for free candy - especially Reese's and anything chocolatey and peanut buttery - and All Hallow's Eve is a cornucopia of free candy. I LOVE candy, as do most fatties, and I want some! Joseph doesn't even do Halloween. Since everyone else ditched me, I called him to see if I could come hang out but he's working on Calculus (I TOLD him not to take it, but did he listen to me, NOOOOOO) and his dad is going over to paint his mother's house so they can sell it.
...Halloween just got really depressing.
But anyways, I'm stuck here. I want to go out someplace but there's nowhere to go when you're not trick-or-treating on Halloween. And, Claire, if you say church, I will hurt you. Is it wrong of me to want to start crying? Ah, crap, too late...
Hugz
HM
Well it is my first Halloween post and - guess what - I DON'T GET TO GO TRICK-OR-TREATING, WHICH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO DO!!!!!!!!!!! I am stuck at home. Ally is going trick-or-treating with Colleen and her friends from school, Claire can't trick-or-treat just because it's SUNDAY (right now, I really hate Mormonism), and even BENTLEY is ditching me and going to a party or something like that with either a group of girls from school or a group of girls from his game show or a group of girls from theater. (Notice a pattern here?)
Well, this SUCKS. Like, MARJORLY. I LIVE for free candy - especially Reese's and anything chocolatey and peanut buttery - and All Hallow's Eve is a cornucopia of free candy. I LOVE candy, as do most fatties, and I want some! Joseph doesn't even do Halloween. Since everyone else ditched me, I called him to see if I could come hang out but he's working on Calculus (I TOLD him not to take it, but did he listen to me, NOOOOOO) and his dad is going over to paint his mother's house so they can sell it.
...Halloween just got really depressing.
But anyways, I'm stuck here. I want to go out someplace but there's nowhere to go when you're not trick-or-treating on Halloween. And, Claire, if you say church, I will hurt you. Is it wrong of me to want to start crying? Ah, crap, too late...
Hugz
HM
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Possible?
Greetings.
The question I posit to you today, dear readers, is this: Is it possible to feel depressed and happy at the same time? I think it might possibly be maybe possible.
I was at Joseph's band competition - which was awesome - and I was sitting for four hours on a set of bleachers which just so happened to be the most comfortable bleachers I have ever sat in with Mr. and Mrs. Morton. I love them. They are seriously like my second parents except I like them better and they cook more often. Anyways, they gave me a ride to Our Lady of Perpetual Health High School (OLPHHS... what a mouthful) where the competition was held and we had a good time. They got me Jack in the Box on the car ride there, Joseph listened to some songs from TOMMY by The Who, and we had fun. Then we watched, like, ten bands perform. They were really good. I liked at least 70% of them.
But our band kicked MAJOR BUTTOCKS. The Horizon High School Big Green Marching Team - the Marching Argonauts - (By the way, our school colors are, I crap you not, neon green and black) took THREE out of FOUR sweepstakes trophies with the theme of LES MISERABLES, which is completely amazingly awesome!!!! We lost to Liberty Bell High School in Percussion by ONE POINT. It sucked because Joseph is in percussion. But still, we won sweepstakes in Auxiliary (color guard) and our color guard usually SUCKS.
As the Horizon High band was celebrating/loading the trailers with their instruments, I got my weird mixture of happy depression. I was depressed because Joseph hadn't talked to me since we dropped him off - understandable, but now that it was after the competition, he couldn't spare a moment? - and because all of these people, a good number of whom I know, won't talk to me. Plus I didn't get a cookie. But I was happy because our band won, I got to see it, and I love good music.
I guess, in retrospect, the depression outweighed the happy, but it was mixed.
Hugz
HM
The question I posit to you today, dear readers, is this: Is it possible to feel depressed and happy at the same time? I think it might possibly be maybe possible.
I was at Joseph's band competition - which was awesome - and I was sitting for four hours on a set of bleachers which just so happened to be the most comfortable bleachers I have ever sat in with Mr. and Mrs. Morton. I love them. They are seriously like my second parents except I like them better and they cook more often. Anyways, they gave me a ride to Our Lady of Perpetual Health High School (OLPHHS... what a mouthful) where the competition was held and we had a good time. They got me Jack in the Box on the car ride there, Joseph listened to some songs from TOMMY by The Who, and we had fun. Then we watched, like, ten bands perform. They were really good. I liked at least 70% of them.
But our band kicked MAJOR BUTTOCKS. The Horizon High School Big Green Marching Team - the Marching Argonauts - (By the way, our school colors are, I crap you not, neon green and black) took THREE out of FOUR sweepstakes trophies with the theme of LES MISERABLES, which is completely amazingly awesome!!!! We lost to Liberty Bell High School in Percussion by ONE POINT. It sucked because Joseph is in percussion. But still, we won sweepstakes in Auxiliary (color guard) and our color guard usually SUCKS.
As the Horizon High band was celebrating/loading the trailers with their instruments, I got my weird mixture of happy depression. I was depressed because Joseph hadn't talked to me since we dropped him off - understandable, but now that it was after the competition, he couldn't spare a moment? - and because all of these people, a good number of whom I know, won't talk to me. Plus I didn't get a cookie. But I was happy because our band won, I got to see it, and I love good music.
I guess, in retrospect, the depression outweighed the happy, but it was mixed.
Hugz
HM
Friday, September 17, 2010
Comeuppance
Greetings.
In just about every book, movie, play etc., there is a point where the bad guy gets what's coming to him for being so malicious and evil. In THE PRINCESS BRIDE, it's when Westley comes back from the "dead". In FAT ALBERT, it's when Albert picks Reggie up and pretty much threatens him. Anyways, this is called a "comeuppance".
Well, today, I pretty much had mine.
These last few weeks have been exceptionally crappy. I get yelled at by Bentley for leaving a football game when it's over and then I get a LECTURE from Bev about the same topic. She doesn't say boo to him about him yelling at me and I DIDN'T EVEN RAISE MY VOICE. Dad's never around, Bev is always yelling, and Bentley is yelling at me too for anything and everything. I want to move to Gramps and Nana's for a while. But I promised Bentley I'd go to his stupid show LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, (why am I going? I hate blood!) and I hate it when people break promises to me so I don't do it to them.
And then last night, at my request, Claire talked to Joseph about IT. I had been mad at Joseph because he didn't realize that, when I told him that he was the most important person to me, how dramatic and humiliating it was for me. So I was steering clear of the lunch table the last two days. Today I didn't go to school for the first two periods. I only went to school because I had a quiz in Mrs. Clark's Government class and I'd like to keep my A and Mrs. Yates only excuses two days a quarter (or is it semester?) for Library work.
Anyways, I was in the library during lunch like I told Claire I would be. And in through the front door comes Joseph. I think immediately: "Oh, crap." I have nowhere to run. So I strike up a quick conversation with Mrs. Yates and then shelf a book. He follows me and says he wants to talk. I sigh and we adjourn to the far back corner of the library, the most private place in the library. First, he tells me that he has known I liked him since sophomore year. Which is odd because *I* didn't even know until July, a few months later.
Then he gave me the verdict: Friends. Good friends.
He was surprised by my reaction. He said he had pictured me screaming and yelling and throwing punches. I had to laugh at that. That was the only time I smiled all day. But no, I was a big girl. I just collapsed to the ground because my knees gave out and I wanted to faint, to leave, to go home, to go faaaaaaaaaaaaar away. But I didn't say that. Truthfully, I feel numb. Like a part of me has died. I do still love him. That won't go away for a long time. But I wish, with all of my heart, that he loved me back.
Hugz
HM
In just about every book, movie, play etc., there is a point where the bad guy gets what's coming to him for being so malicious and evil. In THE PRINCESS BRIDE, it's when Westley comes back from the "dead". In FAT ALBERT, it's when Albert picks Reggie up and pretty much threatens him. Anyways, this is called a "comeuppance".
Well, today, I pretty much had mine.
These last few weeks have been exceptionally crappy. I get yelled at by Bentley for leaving a football game when it's over and then I get a LECTURE from Bev about the same topic. She doesn't say boo to him about him yelling at me and I DIDN'T EVEN RAISE MY VOICE. Dad's never around, Bev is always yelling, and Bentley is yelling at me too for anything and everything. I want to move to Gramps and Nana's for a while. But I promised Bentley I'd go to his stupid show LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, (why am I going? I hate blood!) and I hate it when people break promises to me so I don't do it to them.
And then last night, at my request, Claire talked to Joseph about IT. I had been mad at Joseph because he didn't realize that, when I told him that he was the most important person to me, how dramatic and humiliating it was for me. So I was steering clear of the lunch table the last two days. Today I didn't go to school for the first two periods. I only went to school because I had a quiz in Mrs. Clark's Government class and I'd like to keep my A and Mrs. Yates only excuses two days a quarter (or is it semester?) for Library work.
Anyways, I was in the library during lunch like I told Claire I would be. And in through the front door comes Joseph. I think immediately: "Oh, crap." I have nowhere to run. So I strike up a quick conversation with Mrs. Yates and then shelf a book. He follows me and says he wants to talk. I sigh and we adjourn to the far back corner of the library, the most private place in the library. First, he tells me that he has known I liked him since sophomore year. Which is odd because *I* didn't even know until July, a few months later.
Then he gave me the verdict: Friends. Good friends.
He was surprised by my reaction. He said he had pictured me screaming and yelling and throwing punches. I had to laugh at that. That was the only time I smiled all day. But no, I was a big girl. I just collapsed to the ground because my knees gave out and I wanted to faint, to leave, to go home, to go faaaaaaaaaaaaar away. But I didn't say that. Truthfully, I feel numb. Like a part of me has died. I do still love him. That won't go away for a long time. But I wish, with all of my heart, that he loved me back.
Hugz
HM
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Little Kids
Greetings.
I have said that I like church. I don't like, however, the songs. They go on FOREVER in the teen service. Okay, I am getting back on track, um, there are two services at the church I go to. It's a small, homey church and that's the way I prefer it, not the Empire State Chapel, you know? Well, first service is for the older folk and during said service, the little kids have Sunday school. And that's my favorite part. So I volunteered to help with the 2- and 3-year-olds. Mrs. Morton, who's pretty much in charge of Sunday school (seriously,if the Mortons ever left the church, the church would absolutely crumble), told me to go help Miss Mikayla. And out of nowhere, Joseph joins me. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
So we're playing with three little kids: two boys, Everett and Fritz (I kid you not, poor boy, what was his mother thinking?), and a girl, Alison. (I miss Ally now...) We were learning about creation and about how God created the animals and we were playing a finding game. The kids had to leave the room while Joseph and I hid the animals around the room for them to find. It was so fun. After that, we had to help the kids identify animals. Joseph was very patient with Alison. I was very impressed: you wouldn't think a robot would be so kind and gentle with little kids, but it just goes to show how wrong I can be.
Alison seems to have attached herself to me. She's only three, but she talks better than Bentley did. (I was kind of a genius talker, Bev says, so I can't compare her to me.) Anyways, as I was about to leave (I was not planning on staying for the teen service, I have four and a half hours of sleep under my belt and I was TIRED) she and her dad, the teen pastor, came into the room and she sees me and then turns to her dad and says, "I don't wanna go to the service." Her dad looks a little surprised and asks her what she wants to do. She points to me and says, "I wanna stay with her." He looked at me and I shrugged. So I spent the latter part of my church time with a smart little girl. We played house and she "covered" me with the pillows on the couches. Once she fell down and scraped her shin BAD (not bad enough that it bled, but it looked really bad) and I kept my cool and cleaned her off. I made her stop crying and got her Band-Aids and I felt SOOOOO bad. She's not even my kid (obviously) and I felt awful.
I had a nice day, so far.
Hugz
HM
I have said that I like church. I don't like, however, the songs. They go on FOREVER in the teen service. Okay, I am getting back on track, um, there are two services at the church I go to. It's a small, homey church and that's the way I prefer it, not the Empire State Chapel, you know? Well, first service is for the older folk and during said service, the little kids have Sunday school. And that's my favorite part. So I volunteered to help with the 2- and 3-year-olds. Mrs. Morton, who's pretty much in charge of Sunday school (seriously,if the Mortons ever left the church, the church would absolutely crumble), told me to go help Miss Mikayla. And out of nowhere, Joseph joins me. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
So we're playing with three little kids: two boys, Everett and Fritz (I kid you not, poor boy, what was his mother thinking?), and a girl, Alison. (I miss Ally now...) We were learning about creation and about how God created the animals and we were playing a finding game. The kids had to leave the room while Joseph and I hid the animals around the room for them to find. It was so fun. After that, we had to help the kids identify animals. Joseph was very patient with Alison. I was very impressed: you wouldn't think a robot would be so kind and gentle with little kids, but it just goes to show how wrong I can be.
Alison seems to have attached herself to me. She's only three, but she talks better than Bentley did. (I was kind of a genius talker, Bev says, so I can't compare her to me.) Anyways, as I was about to leave (I was not planning on staying for the teen service, I have four and a half hours of sleep under my belt and I was TIRED) she and her dad, the teen pastor, came into the room and she sees me and then turns to her dad and says, "I don't wanna go to the service." Her dad looks a little surprised and asks her what she wants to do. She points to me and says, "I wanna stay with her." He looked at me and I shrugged. So I spent the latter part of my church time with a smart little girl. We played house and she "covered" me with the pillows on the couches. Once she fell down and scraped her shin BAD (not bad enough that it bled, but it looked really bad) and I kept my cool and cleaned her off. I made her stop crying and got her Band-Aids and I felt SOOOOO bad. She's not even my kid (obviously) and I felt awful.
I had a nice day, so far.
Hugz
HM
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Kenny is DEAD
Greetings.
Okay. I told you all about how Kenny told Joseph and how Joseph KNOWS and how everything, all my courage and my plans and my dreams and hopes and fears and and and - (slaps self) Thank you, I needed that - were absolutely RUINED???????
HE LIED TO ME.
That's right. I considered him a brother (we even had this society called the VS and I was second-in-command and he was the leader. But it was more like a family deal so he was the big brother and I the little sister even though I am older than him by a few months.) and he BETRAYED ME. And he can't even tell me WHY he did it. He keeps telling me THE BOSS made him do it. Why? Why did her hurt me? I tell everyone, the one thing that I cannot and WILL NOT stand for is LYING. Disloyalty and cheating are up there too, especially or my boyfriends and the boyfriends of my sisters, which Stan did to Bennie, but I will get into that tomorrow so that I can vent vehemently, but lying... why do it? All I ever did was support Kenny. And he lied? I suffered for over a month because he lied to me?
You know how I found out? I asked Joseph to recall the conversation he had with Kenny. He said he couldn't. I asked him if he was sure. He said he was. I told him to swear on his mother's life. He did. And it got me thinking: Joseph doesn't lie and I THINK that, even though he's sometimes a numbskull when it comes to remembering things, he would remember this. So I confronted Kenny about it. And he ADMITTED TO LYING TO ME. I could have killed him. I would have if I hadn't been talking to him on FACEBOOK at the time.
Oh I am so ANGRY. And hurt... What did I do to deserve it? What happened? WHY DID SOMEONE, ESPECIALLY KENNY, DO THIS TO ME?????????? Everyone thinks they can push me around because I'm fat. NEWS FLASH: I HAVE FEELINGS TOO. Lie to me and I hurt. Don't most people?
Hugz
HM
Okay. I told you all about how Kenny told Joseph and how Joseph KNOWS and how everything, all my courage and my plans and my dreams and hopes and fears and and and - (slaps self) Thank you, I needed that - were absolutely RUINED???????
HE LIED TO ME.
That's right. I considered him a brother (we even had this society called the VS and I was second-in-command and he was the leader. But it was more like a family deal so he was the big brother and I the little sister even though I am older than him by a few months.) and he BETRAYED ME. And he can't even tell me WHY he did it. He keeps telling me THE BOSS made him do it. Why? Why did her hurt me? I tell everyone, the one thing that I cannot and WILL NOT stand for is LYING. Disloyalty and cheating are up there too, especially or my boyfriends and the boyfriends of my sisters, which Stan did to Bennie, but I will get into that tomorrow so that I can vent vehemently, but lying... why do it? All I ever did was support Kenny. And he lied? I suffered for over a month because he lied to me?
You know how I found out? I asked Joseph to recall the conversation he had with Kenny. He said he couldn't. I asked him if he was sure. He said he was. I told him to swear on his mother's life. He did. And it got me thinking: Joseph doesn't lie and I THINK that, even though he's sometimes a numbskull when it comes to remembering things, he would remember this. So I confronted Kenny about it. And he ADMITTED TO LYING TO ME. I could have killed him. I would have if I hadn't been talking to him on FACEBOOK at the time.
Oh I am so ANGRY. And hurt... What did I do to deserve it? What happened? WHY DID SOMEONE, ESPECIALLY KENNY, DO THIS TO ME?????????? Everyone thinks they can push me around because I'm fat. NEWS FLASH: I HAVE FEELINGS TOO. Lie to me and I hurt. Don't most people?
Hugz
HM
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