Greetings.
Bev has a Christmas complex. I swear. She insists, the SECOND that Thanksgiving is over, that Christmas is ushered in. She set up the Christmas tree THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING. It's like, "Hey. pig out, eat the food! 12:01 a.m.? Oh, no! JESUS WILL BE MAD AT ME IF I DON'T SET UP THE TREE RIGHT THIS SECOND!" Yes, that's pretty much what she's like. She loves Christmas. Like, she would cheat on Dad with it if she could.
I love Christmas too. WHEN IT'S FRICKING DECEMBER!!!!!!!!! It's not even December and we're suiting up for Christmas. Does anyone else think that this is wrong? For one, Jesus's birthday was in the SUMMER. But let's ignore that for a moment. Aren't there supposed to be twelve days of Christmas? So why are we starting to prepare for it twelve WEEKS before it?
I guess you could call me a Scrooge - humbug and all that - but truthfully, I haven't really felt the Christmas spirit in a long time. Sure I feel good on Christmas Day and the presents are nice. But I can't remember what the Christmas Spirit feels like. I remember I used to have it... then poof. One year it was gone. Maybe it was during the worst year of my life - seventh grade, age 12 - that I lost it. I'm watching even THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC and he has great Christmas cheer. The biggest cynic I know loves Christmas. What does that make me? Oh, my gosh...
I am Scrooge! I'm seriously Scrooge! He had Christmas spirit with his sister Fan and Fezziwig and Belle and then he lost it and became a rich miser! I'M FRICKING SCROOGE! (except I'm not rich) Dude, I need some GHOSTS. I need help! HELP ME, SOMEONE! Oh, Lord!
On a related note, I have been asked to play a part in the Dove Creek Bible Church's Christmas show. Maybe that will help me get my spirit back. I used to be in play all the time at my old church - Southington Heights Christian Church, the mother organization to Southington Heights Christian Academy - and I loved it.
And now for something completely different. I had the worst nightmare last night. I dreamt that Joseph was on a date WITH A GUY FROM MY THEATER TROUPE (I am unsure if the guy from my troupe is gay or not) NAMED GARRISON OTTEN. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I HAVE NO CHRISTMAS SPIRIT AND I HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THE GUY I LOVE AS A GAY MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE GET ME SOME PSYCHIATRIC HELP!!!!!!!!!!! I woke up in a cold sweat, I was so freaked out. Mind you I was only asleep for an hour last night, I crap you not, mostly because I was stupid enough to watch the Nostalgia Critic's Old vs. New of WILLY WONKA/CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.
Guess what I have a pathological fear of. Yep. The fricking Blueberry in those movies.
I am going to go check myself into Arkham Asylum now.
Cuckooz
HM (Why so serious?)
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving
Greetings.
Happy Thanksgiving! ¡Felíz Día de Acción de Gracias! Merry Turkey Day! Or, in my cousin Ginger's abridged words: Be happy or screw you.
Well I am happy. Oh, believe me, I'm happy. MY POPPY IS THE GREATEST GUY EVER!!!!!!!! HE IS SETTING UP A TRUST FOR ME TO PAY FOR ALL OF MY COLLEGE, MY CAR, MY EVERYTHING EDUCATION-RELATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right, you read me. I will never have to pay student loans or debt or ANYTHING! I can buy books and clothes and rent an APARTMENT until I either A) get my Master's or B) turn 24. HELL, I'M GETTING MY MASTER'S DEGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the best part is that I can rent an apartment with Joss and Bennie and all they'd have to worry about it their own tuition and books! I could drive them around and pay for rent and all that other stuff so that we could live near the campus and eat!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY POPPY IS AMAZING AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE ANNOYED BECAUSE I AM SAYING IT SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, sorry, I am just really psyched.
We had 18 people over for Thanksgiving as follows: me, Bentley, Dad, Bev, Nana, Gramps, Poppy (sadly, Mammy expired last year), Aunt Gertie, Uncle Sam, Cousins Josie and Jeremy, Bev's cousin Rue and her three kids, Anna (23), John (19), and Marianne (16), Nana's friend Josephina, Dad's cousin Clark, and Gertie's recently widowed father, Lorenzo. Yeah, we needed four tables. But the food was great, I haven't seen John in a while and he's my buddy (before I knew better, like, when I was nine, I had the slightest crush on him. He's an army man now.) and we hung out and talked about video games. Josie, Jeremy, and I played a video game after dinner (The Bible Game, and they love it) and I enjoyed time with my rarely-seen cousins. The food was cooked to perfection. The rolls were great, the potatoes were great, the turkey was AMAZING (thank you, Gramps), and the company was fun. When we gave thanks, we had a lot of laughs - mostly because of me, yay! - and while I was overloaded a bit, I had fun. (I love my family, I do. In small, intermittent doses.)
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and may the Lord bless you for the rest of the year. (What happens next year is out of my hands.) ;)
Hugz
HM
Happy Thanksgiving! ¡Felíz Día de Acción de Gracias! Merry Turkey Day! Or, in my cousin Ginger's abridged words: Be happy or screw you.
Well I am happy. Oh, believe me, I'm happy. MY POPPY IS THE GREATEST GUY EVER!!!!!!!! HE IS SETTING UP A TRUST FOR ME TO PAY FOR ALL OF MY COLLEGE, MY CAR, MY EVERYTHING EDUCATION-RELATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right, you read me. I will never have to pay student loans or debt or ANYTHING! I can buy books and clothes and rent an APARTMENT until I either A) get my Master's or B) turn 24. HELL, I'M GETTING MY MASTER'S DEGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the best part is that I can rent an apartment with Joss and Bennie and all they'd have to worry about it their own tuition and books! I could drive them around and pay for rent and all that other stuff so that we could live near the campus and eat!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY POPPY IS AMAZING AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE ANNOYED BECAUSE I AM SAYING IT SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, sorry, I am just really psyched.
We had 18 people over for Thanksgiving as follows: me, Bentley, Dad, Bev, Nana, Gramps, Poppy (sadly, Mammy expired last year), Aunt Gertie, Uncle Sam, Cousins Josie and Jeremy, Bev's cousin Rue and her three kids, Anna (23), John (19), and Marianne (16), Nana's friend Josephina, Dad's cousin Clark, and Gertie's recently widowed father, Lorenzo. Yeah, we needed four tables. But the food was great, I haven't seen John in a while and he's my buddy (before I knew better, like, when I was nine, I had the slightest crush on him. He's an army man now.) and we hung out and talked about video games. Josie, Jeremy, and I played a video game after dinner (The Bible Game, and they love it) and I enjoyed time with my rarely-seen cousins. The food was cooked to perfection. The rolls were great, the potatoes were great, the turkey was AMAZING (thank you, Gramps), and the company was fun. When we gave thanks, we had a lot of laughs - mostly because of me, yay! - and while I was overloaded a bit, I had fun. (I love my family, I do. In small, intermittent doses.)
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and may the Lord bless you for the rest of the year. (What happens next year is out of my hands.) ;)
Hugz
HM
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The. Best. Sunday. Ever.
Greetings.
I have no clue how to start this one! I'm just so happy! And dazzled! And very stunned!
Okay, I went to church today except I was kind of bad because I just stayed in the Fellowship Room the whole time with Joseph and Petrie. Oh, well. It was worth it!
At some point during the conversation about the Nostalgia Critic, Red vs. Blue, and the Cinema Snob, I said something wrong so he decided to push my face as usual. I went with it. Then later on he decided to tackle me with a pillow from the couch we were sitting on. He placed it on top of my head and pressed and covered my face. Okay.
Finally one time he did the same as the last time except he pressed the pillow on my head with his chest and then covered my eyes with one hand and right above one of my boobs with the other. I said, "If you're trying to cop a feel, I will hurt you." Halfway through my sentence, he moved his hand to my leg. I removed the hand, but I only did it because during all three of these, Petrie was watching. I have no idea how he reacted because my eyes were covered. I think he just went with it. I really don't know.
Mind you, I LOVED it. I know I described it poorly, but it was much better than it sounded, I promise. After church, I went to brunch with Nana. Then after I did some homework, I took a nap with Odie. A nice day.
Hugz
HM
I have no clue how to start this one! I'm just so happy! And dazzled! And very stunned!
Okay, I went to church today except I was kind of bad because I just stayed in the Fellowship Room the whole time with Joseph and Petrie. Oh, well. It was worth it!
At some point during the conversation about the Nostalgia Critic, Red vs. Blue, and the Cinema Snob, I said something wrong so he decided to push my face as usual. I went with it. Then later on he decided to tackle me with a pillow from the couch we were sitting on. He placed it on top of my head and pressed and covered my face. Okay.
Finally one time he did the same as the last time except he pressed the pillow on my head with his chest and then covered my eyes with one hand and right above one of my boobs with the other. I said, "If you're trying to cop a feel, I will hurt you." Halfway through my sentence, he moved his hand to my leg. I removed the hand, but I only did it because during all three of these, Petrie was watching. I have no idea how he reacted because my eyes were covered. I think he just went with it. I really don't know.
Mind you, I LOVED it. I know I described it poorly, but it was much better than it sounded, I promise. After church, I went to brunch with Nana. Then after I did some homework, I took a nap with Odie. A nice day.
Hugz
HM
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Screwed Up
Greetings.
Okay, I feel really screwed up right now. My parents are trying to ship me off to the shrink I had back during my Suicide Year, Dr. Craig, and now Bentley's missing school tomorrow because he has to go too. Something about his weight. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BENTLEY, YOU'RE THIN AND GORGEOUS AND NICE AND KIND AND EVERYONE FRICKING LOVES YOU (except for those bungholes who call him gay at school) SO GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!!!!!!!! But, no, Bents gets to skip school to go powwow with the Doc while I schlepp back and forth from tutoring to school to (ugh) home.
I really don't like home right now. I feel fine everywhere else. I feel good at SCHOOL. Yeah. I said it. I don't understand why Bentley is having a hard time. He is thin, he has a great metabolism, he has a pretty girl who's gaga for him, and he has good friends who care about him. Plus, he's got a sister who would love to listen to him if he talked to her. What's the problem? He doesn't eat much. That's it! He doesn't have an appetite beyond Cheddar Goldfish, chocolate cake batter, and raw vegetables. While I am worried for Bentley, shouldn't they be more worried about him if he were ballooning up like Violet Beauregard? (OH GOOD GOD MY BRAIN MY BRAIN! OH GOOD LORD ERASE THAT IMAGE FROM MY MIND FOREVER!) (For those of you who do not know, I have an acute fear of WILLY WONKA/CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!)
Moving on. (Shudder) I don't want to see the doc. I want to learn to be a functional adult without leaning on meds or whatever crap he's going to do to me. I outgrew that years ago. But my parents say I have anger issues (true, but only around them. HMMMM.), I'm distant (HMMMMM.), and I am moody. (FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY! I! HATE! IT! HERE!) No one is happy, we're always fighting, we're on the brink of fiscal ruin, and EVERYTHING IS SCREWED UP! I look back at old photos of me when I was five and say to myself in the picture, "RUN WHILE YOU CAN, LITTLE GIRL! IT ALL GOES DOWNHILL FROM THERE!" The same thing happens when I see a picture of Bentley around the same age.
Why is this all happening too us? Karma? (ha ha) I don't know. And frankly I really don't want to stick around here long enough to figure out why. I am going to community college, moving out, and then going to real college where I shall live in an apartment with Bennie and Joss, then graduate, publish a book, become rich, and spend the rest of my life happily married to Joseph with my son/daughter while teaching English at Horizon High School and never having to worry about money.
Happy happy happy. Can I fast forward my life, please???? Or at least get a Clarence the Angel to show me if any of my dreams come true????
Hugz
HM
Okay, I feel really screwed up right now. My parents are trying to ship me off to the shrink I had back during my Suicide Year, Dr. Craig, and now Bentley's missing school tomorrow because he has to go too. Something about his weight. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BENTLEY, YOU'RE THIN AND GORGEOUS AND NICE AND KIND AND EVERYONE FRICKING LOVES YOU (except for those bungholes who call him gay at school) SO GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!!!!!!!! But, no, Bents gets to skip school to go powwow with the Doc while I schlepp back and forth from tutoring to school to (ugh) home.
I really don't like home right now. I feel fine everywhere else. I feel good at SCHOOL. Yeah. I said it. I don't understand why Bentley is having a hard time. He is thin, he has a great metabolism, he has a pretty girl who's gaga for him, and he has good friends who care about him. Plus, he's got a sister who would love to listen to him if he talked to her. What's the problem? He doesn't eat much. That's it! He doesn't have an appetite beyond Cheddar Goldfish, chocolate cake batter, and raw vegetables. While I am worried for Bentley, shouldn't they be more worried about him if he were ballooning up like Violet Beauregard? (OH GOOD GOD MY BRAIN MY BRAIN! OH GOOD LORD ERASE THAT IMAGE FROM MY MIND FOREVER!) (For those of you who do not know, I have an acute fear of WILLY WONKA/CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!)
Moving on. (Shudder) I don't want to see the doc. I want to learn to be a functional adult without leaning on meds or whatever crap he's going to do to me. I outgrew that years ago. But my parents say I have anger issues (true, but only around them. HMMMM.), I'm distant (HMMMMM.), and I am moody. (FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY! I! HATE! IT! HERE!) No one is happy, we're always fighting, we're on the brink of fiscal ruin, and EVERYTHING IS SCREWED UP! I look back at old photos of me when I was five and say to myself in the picture, "RUN WHILE YOU CAN, LITTLE GIRL! IT ALL GOES DOWNHILL FROM THERE!" The same thing happens when I see a picture of Bentley around the same age.
Why is this all happening too us? Karma? (ha ha) I don't know. And frankly I really don't want to stick around here long enough to figure out why. I am going to community college, moving out, and then going to real college where I shall live in an apartment with Bennie and Joss, then graduate, publish a book, become rich, and spend the rest of my life happily married to Joseph with my son/daughter while teaching English at Horizon High School and never having to worry about money.
Happy happy happy. Can I fast forward my life, please???? Or at least get a Clarence the Angel to show me if any of my dreams come true????
Hugz
HM
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The Nostalgia Critic #2 (and Other Less Important Things)
Greetings.
Seriously, this guy is so funny! I am re-watching his review of MY PET MONSTER and he's griping about how they used the toy (yes, it was a toy first) on the cover of the videocassette instead of the actual monster in the movie. (It was the 80s, go with it) This is what he said:
"So let me get this straight: The children's plaything that you can get at Toys-R-Us for, like, $15, is a better special effect than this ANIMATRONIC CHUCK E. CHEESE NIGHTMARE!!!!! (spazzes out momentarily) YOU LIED TO ME MOVIE, YOU LIED TO ME! I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING THIS (points to cover) BUT NO INSTEAD I'M GETTING (shows monster from movie, shudders) THE F****** CRACK BABY FROM "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE"!!!!!!"
SOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!! If you have not checked this guy out, you must.
Anyways, Claire stayed over yesterday and Bev got mad at me for being a good sister. Here is what happened: Bentley went out with his girlfriend (hell if I know, she could be a Russian spy or something) Nina Burbank and a few of their friends like Donna Pickett, Viola St. Sebastian, and other kids from our theater troupe. Well, he left at five thirty-ish. He didn't get home until 11:45, midnight. I CAN'T EVEN STAY OUT THAT LATE, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! But I am getting ahead of myself.
Anyways, around 11:30, I begin to worry because I am a good sister so I use Claire's cell phone (mine's dead) and call him. I can't understand him, but he's alive, so okay. I tell him to call Bev. He doesn't of course, and I don't hear from him for the rest of the night. Cut to 12:45 when I call Dad, who is at Mr. Hart's house playing games. I ask him where Bentley is and he is amazed to know that BENTLEY HAS NOT RETURNED HOME (to his knowledge, but earlier on, Bentley said to call Dad). But our connection is cut off and he calls back a minute or two later and tells Bev that Bentley IS home and that, when I went out to see Bev lying on the couch asleep, he was already home.
Bev. Gets. Mad. At. Me. For. Calling. Bentley. To. See. If. He. Is. Okay. She says I was being inappropriate! WHAT THE HELL WAS INAPPROPRIATE!!!! I WAS TRYING TO FIND OUT IF HE WAS DEAD, DRUNK, OR NO LONGER A VIRGIN!!!!!!!! I WAS WORRIED!!!!! I WAS A GOOD BIG SISTER!!!!!!! AND SHE HAS THE BALLS TO GET MAD AT ME!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FRICKING HELL IS UP WITH THAT???????
Anyways, today I played third wheel/chauffeur to Claire and Jean-Luc. (I'm more a chauffeur than person these days, I guess) We went to dinner and then saw MEGAMIND (4 out of 5 stars, it was better than and 3.5 but not quite really a 4, so I gave it the benefit of the doubt).
There, that's my life for the past two days. Wheeee...
Hugz
HM
Seriously, this guy is so funny! I am re-watching his review of MY PET MONSTER and he's griping about how they used the toy (yes, it was a toy first) on the cover of the videocassette instead of the actual monster in the movie. (It was the 80s, go with it) This is what he said:
"So let me get this straight: The children's plaything that you can get at Toys-R-Us for, like, $15, is a better special effect than this ANIMATRONIC CHUCK E. CHEESE NIGHTMARE!!!!! (spazzes out momentarily) YOU LIED TO ME MOVIE, YOU LIED TO ME! I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING THIS (points to cover) BUT NO INSTEAD I'M GETTING (shows monster from movie, shudders) THE F****** CRACK BABY FROM "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE"!!!!!!"
SOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!! If you have not checked this guy out, you must.
Anyways, Claire stayed over yesterday and Bev got mad at me for being a good sister. Here is what happened: Bentley went out with his girlfriend (hell if I know, she could be a Russian spy or something) Nina Burbank and a few of their friends like Donna Pickett, Viola St. Sebastian, and other kids from our theater troupe. Well, he left at five thirty-ish. He didn't get home until 11:45, midnight. I CAN'T EVEN STAY OUT THAT LATE, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! But I am getting ahead of myself.
Anyways, around 11:30, I begin to worry because I am a good sister so I use Claire's cell phone (mine's dead) and call him. I can't understand him, but he's alive, so okay. I tell him to call Bev. He doesn't of course, and I don't hear from him for the rest of the night. Cut to 12:45 when I call Dad, who is at Mr. Hart's house playing games. I ask him where Bentley is and he is amazed to know that BENTLEY HAS NOT RETURNED HOME (to his knowledge, but earlier on, Bentley said to call Dad). But our connection is cut off and he calls back a minute or two later and tells Bev that Bentley IS home and that, when I went out to see Bev lying on the couch asleep, he was already home.
Bev. Gets. Mad. At. Me. For. Calling. Bentley. To. See. If. He. Is. Okay. She says I was being inappropriate! WHAT THE HELL WAS INAPPROPRIATE!!!! I WAS TRYING TO FIND OUT IF HE WAS DEAD, DRUNK, OR NO LONGER A VIRGIN!!!!!!!! I WAS WORRIED!!!!! I WAS A GOOD BIG SISTER!!!!!!! AND SHE HAS THE BALLS TO GET MAD AT ME!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FRICKING HELL IS UP WITH THAT???????
Anyways, today I played third wheel/chauffeur to Claire and Jean-Luc. (I'm more a chauffeur than person these days, I guess) We went to dinner and then saw MEGAMIND (4 out of 5 stars, it was better than and 3.5 but not quite really a 4, so I gave it the benefit of the doubt).
There, that's my life for the past two days. Wheeee...
Hugz
HM
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Poppy
Greetings.
If I ever talk smack about my grandfather on my dad's side, Poppy, I want someone to come over and slap me. Poppy, a stock market genius of an old man who was around for the stock market crash, is going to buy me a new truck, open a trust fund for me, AND pay for most of my college. I hate my family, but I guess that only applies to immediate family, because right now I absolutely adore my Poppy and I always love Gramps and Nana.
Also, CLAIRE HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND!!!! His name is Jean-Luc Slayton. He goes to our Gamer's Club, but he's not a prominent member. In fact, he is so non-prominent that I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE GUY LOOKS LIKE!!!!!! But Claire really likes him so I am taking them home tomorrow (maybe) so I can see this guy. Sheesh, I have been gone from Gamer's Club too long even though I am the Vice-President.
Anyways, I just wanted to share the fabulous news.
Hugz to infinity,
HM
If I ever talk smack about my grandfather on my dad's side, Poppy, I want someone to come over and slap me. Poppy, a stock market genius of an old man who was around for the stock market crash, is going to buy me a new truck, open a trust fund for me, AND pay for most of my college. I hate my family, but I guess that only applies to immediate family, because right now I absolutely adore my Poppy and I always love Gramps and Nana.
Also, CLAIRE HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND!!!! His name is Jean-Luc Slayton. He goes to our Gamer's Club, but he's not a prominent member. In fact, he is so non-prominent that I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE GUY LOOKS LIKE!!!!!! But Claire really likes him so I am taking them home tomorrow (maybe) so I can see this guy. Sheesh, I have been gone from Gamer's Club too long even though I am the Vice-President.
Anyways, I just wanted to share the fabulous news.
Hugz to infinity,
HM
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