Life's Most Important Lesson

Greetings.


Well, you know how you do silly things with your friends that you probably wouldn't do with people you don't know as well? Well, Pete Sanders is the supreme king of such things. He is weird; his favorite silly, yet creepy, thing to do is to place his hand under the table and squeeze Lucky, Joss, and Joseph's knees. Just those three because those are the three that always sit near him. On one side of the table is usually Pete, Emma, Joss, and Bennie or Freddy. On the other side is Lucky, Joseph, me, and Bennie when Freddy joins us. We share a booth that really should only accommodate six people but no one listens to the squished big girl. Well anyways, Pete was squeezing their knees again and it was particularly annoying Joseph, who sits next to me on my left. He told Pete that he was going to leave and that I would not be happy and kill him (Pete), and I so would. Joseph even let me grab onto his shoulders as my way of saying "Make him leave and die, Pete" and "Please don't go, Joseph". But of course, Pete being the butthead he is, he won't stop. So Joseph turns to me and says, "Please make him stop." I kid you not; I'm like his bodyguard. Well, in this case, more like his poke shield. So I told Pete to stop, but he didn't, so Joseph turned to me and whispered, "Give him incentive to stop." I smiled; the guy I love was giving me permission to beat the hell out of a guy I don't care whether or not I beat up. I was happy. So I looked Pete directly in the eyes and said, "Touch him one more time and I swear, I'll make you eat your math book." (And our books are over 1100 pages!) His eyes got wide, because he knew I meant it. And he stopped. I'm proud of myself. Pete doesn't usually listen to people.

But pretty much my whole school knows not to tick me off; once sophomore year, (it was after school) The Three Stooges, Dillon Xavier, Tim Schraeder, and Ian Randall, came up to me, Bennie, Joss, and Joseph, and started being obscenely rude to Bennie and Joss. They were making jokes about both Bennie and Joss's physicality, Joss's nationality (like I said before, she's from South Korea), and they even were abusing Joseph and me. I saw the look of terror in Joseph's eyes (he was almost sexually molested freshman year by these two guys whom he had known since sixth grade and who have always had him on the chopping block; luckily I intervened in time and I got them both suspended) and Bennie looked like she was about to cry and Joss looked angry but, given that she's as big around as my pinky, she couldn't stand up to them. So I got up from where I was sitting and said to the Stooges, "Hey, guys, I wanna show you something." So I took all of them to the gym; my P.E. teacher had left the kickboxing bags out. I told them to imagine that the bags (heavily padded and anchored to the ground by over fifty pounds of sand in a hollow stand) were them. They sneered and said okay. I took off my shoes, walked up to a row of three of the bags, and proceeded to demonstrate. I roundhouse kicked the first one; it fell over. The second one I punched twice, once where Tim's nose would be and the other where his ... would be; that one fell over as well. The third one I pretended was Dillon, who had been the most aggressive toward my friends, I performed a spinning kick where his face would be; the bag fell over and rolled away, hitting the wall. I turned back to my assailants and my friends; Ian, Dillon, and Tim stood there open-mouthed. Joss, Bennie, and Joseph were smiling at me. I walked up to the Stooges, got right up in their faces, and said, really quiet and scary-like, "Now, are you going to bother my friends again?"

I have never seen three athletic and self-proclaimedly macho guys shuffle out of a gym so fast. It just goes to show one thing, Life's Most Important Lesson: No matter who you are, be you Steve Urkel or Chuck Norris, you NEVER mess with Harmony Margaret Walker's friends.


Hugz
HM

Oh, how I wish...

Greetings.

Oh, how I wish I could read minds. I mean, telepathy would be AWESOME! That way, I would know what people REALLY thought about me. I mean, I wouldn't mind knowing why Lucky and Pete hang out at my lunch table. I mean, I like Emma fine, but Joseph likes having guy friends. So I'm stuck with Lucky and Pete. (barf) Okay, sometimes they have their moments like... ummm... like... oh, heck, I don't really like them. But they talk video games and science fiction with joseph, play Egyptian War with Bennie and Joss and provide comedy to our lunch table. So they can stay. For a while.
Also, I'd like to know what the Three Stooges think of me. Really. The Three Stooges, codenamed Hairy, Hurly, and Hoe, are three guys at my school that neither Joss nor I can stand. There's Dillon Xavier, codenamed Hairy, who is the biggest chauvinist, misogynist, and all around selfish egotist I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. Tim Schraeder, codenamed Hurly, is his accomplice. He's almost as bad and he annoys the heck out of me. And finally there's Ian Randall. He's this kid who loves to bug me and criticize me and scrutinize EVERYTHING I do. I can't STAND him. But I'd like to know what they're really thinking. I mean, most everyone thinks that if a guy torments you either he A) hates your guts or B) loves you and is desperately bidding for attention. I'd like to know which one is true for any of them.
And I'd love to know what Joseph truly really honestly thinks of me deep down in his brain.
And another thing: I'd like to be able to turn it OFF and ON. Unlike a certain VAMPIRE EVERY SINGLE GIRL ON THE PLANET KNOWS.

Hugz
HM