Greetings.
Oh, this can't be happening. This just CANNOT be happening. Joseph KNOWS. I mean, he knows I like him. I don't know if he knows to what degree my feelings for him are, but he knows I like him.
You remember Kenny Harris, Claire's ex-boyfriend? Well, it seems he has decided to take it upon himself to make my life Hell. During ALICE IN WONDERLAND, (he was a techie, and Joseph was Kind of Hearts, like I mentioned earlier) Kenny and Joseph had a chat. Apparently, during that little chat, either Kenny to Joseph or Joseph divulged that he knew. Either way, Kenny told me he knew. And, to make things worse, he (Joseph) is scared for our relationship. What do I do? I don't know what that means! Does he not want it to change? Is he afraid of what will happen if it does change? I NEED A MIND-READING HELMET!
I really want to strangle Kenny right now. For the past year (YEAR) I have been trying to dig up the courage to perform this great feat of love at graduation. Here was my plan: I'd take him aside, ask him to guarantee that he'd still be my friend even if I did something horrible and/or stupid, and (even though I'd only do it if he promised) then I'd have him close his eye (optional) and I'd kiss him.
THAT'S ALL BYE-BYE. At least, for now. All of my courage is GONE, what little there was of it. If any of you know me, you know I am not easily frightened. I have my phobias i.e. blood, death, the future, spiders larger than my forefinger, amphibians, reptiles. But those are so rare, except for maybe the blood and the future (ha ha), that I am not scared easily.
But this time... This terrifies me. He is my best friend. My confidant. God only knows, maybe my soul-mate. I love him dearly but I want his friendship too. If he gets too scared, he'll leave and I don't know if I can take that. When Freddy dumped me, I gained 40 pounds. Joseph means so much more to me than Freddy ever did. I don't know what will happen to me. Or to him. I think that, somehow, he needs me too. Almost as much as I need him. I'm scared. Scared out of my mind. More scared than I have been for YEARS.
Are you there, God? It's me, Harmony Margaret. The one you cursed with the longest name EVER. Please, help me. Find some way to help me. I need it. I would appreciate you changing Joseph's heart in favor of me, but anything to help is preferable than silence.
I must go cry myself to sleep now.
Hugz
HM
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Monday, August 16, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
The Longest Half an Hour of My Life
Greetings.
I'm going to be as unfunny as I can in this post. I just want to warn all of you: A GOOD SECURITY SYSTEM AND A GOOD WOODEN BAT ARE A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND. Especially at night. I just spent from about 1:50 a.m. to about 2:22 a.m. cowering in my game room with Ginger with bats, two cell phones, and my house phone.
Ginger was outside and she heard something next to my house. I told her, because a house around the corner was robbed at gunpoint a few days ago, to take a bat, and she did, but she called to me, "HM, please come out here!" She sounded scared. Now, I may be the younger cousin, but I am by a decent margin the stronger of the two of us. So I went out with my bat and surveyed the area. My two bigger dogs, Colleen (yes, Bentley named her after Ally's little sister) and Miaya, perked up their ears like they were listening to something. We got scared so we went back into the house.
A little later, around 1:45 a.m., we heard Miaya and Colleen barking. Now, they're usually fairly quiet unless they're fighting with each other. But since we were already scared, we froze. We waited. We listened. We heard something tap against the window. And then we bolted. Immediately, Odie, my little dumb, yet nonetheless protective, dog, began to bark and HE doesn't do that unless there's some cause. So Ginger and I grabbed our bats, cell phones, and a house phone and leaped into the game room behind two fairly large chairs. We hid there for half an hour.
We were so scared. At one point, the motion detector light outside the game room window came on. Ginger almost cried she was so scared. I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest and run laps around my body, screaming, "OH MY FREAKING GOSH HOLY FREAKING COW RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!!!!!!!!!!!" Another instance, we heard the alarm TURN OFF and a door open. Ginger and I were freaked. We waited for a little while longer and then we dashed to Bev's room.
We woke her up and told her what we heard. She told us not to worry, to just lock all the doors and keep the bats with us. And believe you me, WE DID. Ginger is sitting next to me with her bat on her lap, playing a computer game. And I have my bat right next to me as I type this.
I have to confess, and I know my sisters will make me feel bad for this later, but I have to say it: The only person who went through my head as I sat in my game room and thought that I was going to die was Joseph. I kept thinking of him and how I just wanted to talk to him one last time. I swear, I thought I was truly going to die. I just wanted to hold him for the last few minutes of my life. I just wanted to tell him that I loved him. Isn't it weird that in what I thought was going to be the last few minutes of my life I was the bravest I had ever been? And now that I am relatively safe, I feel the chicken coming back again. BOK BOK BOGOK!!!!!!
Hugz, and NEVER forget your bat
HM
I'm going to be as unfunny as I can in this post. I just want to warn all of you: A GOOD SECURITY SYSTEM AND A GOOD WOODEN BAT ARE A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND. Especially at night. I just spent from about 1:50 a.m. to about 2:22 a.m. cowering in my game room with Ginger with bats, two cell phones, and my house phone.
Ginger was outside and she heard something next to my house. I told her, because a house around the corner was robbed at gunpoint a few days ago, to take a bat, and she did, but she called to me, "HM, please come out here!" She sounded scared. Now, I may be the younger cousin, but I am by a decent margin the stronger of the two of us. So I went out with my bat and surveyed the area. My two bigger dogs, Colleen (yes, Bentley named her after Ally's little sister) and Miaya, perked up their ears like they were listening to something. We got scared so we went back into the house.
A little later, around 1:45 a.m., we heard Miaya and Colleen barking. Now, they're usually fairly quiet unless they're fighting with each other. But since we were already scared, we froze. We waited. We listened. We heard something tap against the window. And then we bolted. Immediately, Odie, my little dumb, yet nonetheless protective, dog, began to bark and HE doesn't do that unless there's some cause. So Ginger and I grabbed our bats, cell phones, and a house phone and leaped into the game room behind two fairly large chairs. We hid there for half an hour.
We were so scared. At one point, the motion detector light outside the game room window came on. Ginger almost cried she was so scared. I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest and run laps around my body, screaming, "OH MY FREAKING GOSH HOLY FREAKING COW RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!!!!!!!!!!!" Another instance, we heard the alarm TURN OFF and a door open. Ginger and I were freaked. We waited for a little while longer and then we dashed to Bev's room.
We woke her up and told her what we heard. She told us not to worry, to just lock all the doors and keep the bats with us. And believe you me, WE DID. Ginger is sitting next to me with her bat on her lap, playing a computer game. And I have my bat right next to me as I type this.
I have to confess, and I know my sisters will make me feel bad for this later, but I have to say it: The only person who went through my head as I sat in my game room and thought that I was going to die was Joseph. I kept thinking of him and how I just wanted to talk to him one last time. I swear, I thought I was truly going to die. I just wanted to hold him for the last few minutes of my life. I just wanted to tell him that I loved him. Isn't it weird that in what I thought was going to be the last few minutes of my life I was the bravest I had ever been? And now that I am relatively safe, I feel the chicken coming back again. BOK BOK BOGOK!!!!!!
Hugz, and NEVER forget your bat
HM
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)