Greetings.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MY BLOG! WHEEEEEEE! I STARTED ON FRIDAY MARCH 26, 2010! WOW, IT'S BEEN AN INTERESTING YEAR! WAHOO!
Okay, time for the depressing stuff. As the intelligent ones among you readers can guess by the title, things are not going so hot for me. Let's start off with the easy one: I am sick. Not throwing-up-sick anymore, but I have a throat infection (though to me it feels like something else, but, hey, I can't see my own throat because I don't have a flashlight that small) and IT HURTS LIKE A @&^$(&@)&#$)^&)(*^&@(*^(*@*#$*^&@^^@*^$#&^*@&*(#*^^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Obviously, I didn't really curse, but you get the idea.)
The sad part is, and I know I have addressed this a MILLION times before, that none of my sisters nor my best friend have called to ask me what's wrong. Bennie did last week on Thursday, but there was nothing on Wednesday. I went to school on Friday - had a choir festival, kicked MAJOR WELLER PREPARATORY ACADEMY SAILORS' BUTT! - but felt sick by the end. I stayed in bed from Saturday to today. I didn't go to church yesterday. (It's Monday @ 11:54 when I am writing this part.) Joseph didn't call, nor did Petrie, but I didn't expect him to. Today, I got a text from Chase and then a reply from an earlier text message I sent to William. THAT'S IT! THAT'S ALL THE CONSIDERATION I GET WHEN I AM SICK! I shall have you know, I always make an effort to call, visit, email excessively, or, at the least, text insanely until I know every detail and diagnosis of their illness. I was worried sick when Ally tore her ACL, but, because she was always so busy, I could never visit. Not for lack of trying; I asked at least once a day. And when Claire was sick, I called her three times to check on her. Joseph? I took home after school and then I stopped by Jackson's and got him a piece of cake. Joss? Bennie? Texts, calls, the whole shebang. They just live a whole lot farther than the others otherwise I would have visited. I'd do the same for Chase and the rest but Chase has never been sick in the short time I've known him and the others I call and do whatever the second I hear about them because I don't see them on a daily basis.
But me? Nah. Maybe I'd just be better off if I just left for a while. It's not like people notice. And you want to know the saddest part? When Nana and I went to the doctor today, I was praying that I had tonsillitis so that I could have my tonsils out. Why? Maybe people would notice a major surgery, the fact that I couldn't talk, the legal pad or white board in my hands. (Okay, now it's Tuesday @ 12:03. Just so you know.) Whenever I get sick, I think of this one story I read in CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL FOR TEENS.
This girl was invisible at her high school, or so she felt. Always alone, no one spoke to her and she spoke to no one. I can't remember, but she was in between the ages of 15 and 17. One day, they diagnose her with ovarian cancer. She had her hysterectomy and suddenly she started to realize that people hadn't been shunning her; she had been shunning them. Whenever I get sick, I pray for it to be major so that I can have that happen to me. I know it's completely shallow and terrible and really REALLY pathetic, but that's what happens. Can you blame me? No one notices me when I'm well and not even my sisters/best friend notice when I'm sick. Which is sadder?
Oh, I forgot, there's worse news. Poppy, the man who is spending all of his money on me (and Bentley a little bit too, but not as much) is in the hospital with not only pneumonia BUT ALSO AN ANEURYSM IN ONE OF HIS MAJOR VEINS. Yeah, that's right. They wouldn't have noticed the aneurysm had he not gone in for pneumonia! He could have died! Dad's kind of shaking and he's been keeping close tabs on his half-brother, Dewey, and half-sister-in-law, Lara, for updates. I'm scared. This is why I hate people spending money on me. What if I never get to tell them thank you or pay them back? I want to talk to Poppy, but he's in ICU. Dad says he's fine and that the only thing he's complaining about is that he doesn't have his laptop to manage his stocks.
But I keep dwelling. He's a Christian Scientist and has been since his last wife, Nim, or Helena, died of pancreatic cancer about three years ago. He wouldn't even be in the hospital now if it weren't for Lara. She's monitoring him constantly and making sure he follows orders. I'm scared. I'm sorry, but I am. If you think it's wimpy of me to get all weepy about this, BACK THE HELL OFF. I am PMSing, I am sick, and I almost lost my grandfather. And for those of you heartless jerks out there who think I want his money? Shame on you. Then again, it's not my place to lay judgment.
GOD will punish you.
Hugz
HM
Dedicated to all of those frightened or suffering for a loved one. And everyone who is sick right this second. God bless.
Showing posts with label Bentley. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bentley. Show all posts
Monday, March 28, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Update
Greetings.
NEWS FLASH! LINKARA IS JUST AS AWESOME AS THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC!!!!!
Sorry, I had to put it there. I love Linkara. He is younger than the Critic and I think kind of cuter (but then again, I have weird tastes. If you've seen Joseph, you know.) than the Critic and he doesn't curse! I love him! <3
Okay, I'm done being crazy fangirl. I have been sick the last two days and I have done squat. AND I LOVE IT! I have been amazingly stressed and wired for the last few days. It's been agonizing and doing nothing for my health. Which is probably why I got sick. Not like KOFF KOFF HACK HACK can't breathe sick, but spill-your-guts sick. Sorry. Anyways, I did do some of my Spanish homework and I got a lot of my English done, so yay me, but Bev still wants me to call this place about a job, I still have to cook, clean, and pick up Bentley, and do everything else around here. What part of "BLEEEEEEAAAAAAGGGGHHH!" doesn't anyone understand?
Yeah, I know I am griping but I've been kind of pissy the last few days. I apologize sincerely. Staying home all day makes me antsy but I don't feel like going anywhere because I'm sick. Ugh, this is why I hate being sick. It's no fun. Sure, some people play video games. But I don't for two reasons. One: I really suck at video games. Yeah, I try and learn about video games, and I LOVE watching them, but I can't play first person shooters because they make me dizzy, online games I can't get the controls down on, and other video games are either too hard or complicated. Here is the complete list of video games I can kick butt while playing:
Marvel Ultimate Alliance (XBOX 360 and PS2)
Batman: Arkham Asylum (PS2. Boy, did THAT take me forever)
Teen Titans (PS2)
Soul Caliber IV (XBOX 360)
LEGO Star Wars, Harry Potter, and Star Wars: The Original Trilogy (PS2, XBOX 360, and PS2 respectively)
And that's it! And the second reason: Dr. Craig said it would be a good idea for Bentley to stay home today. No reason, or at least none that I get told. So Bentley plays video games all day instead of doing the homework I KNOW he has because I had the exact same teachers in eighth grade that he has now. I have done most of mine. I just have to finish up the more tedious assignments. He hasn't done DIDDLY.
Ugh, just thinking about it is making me frustrated and making my stomach hurt, so I am moving on. I don't know if I've said this but MY THEATER TROUPE IS DOING MY ADAPTATION OF "THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS"! If I have said this before, I'm sorry. If I haven't, BOO-YAH I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!
Okay, now I am REALLY feeling sick... I gotta go.
Hugz
HM
NEWS FLASH! LINKARA IS JUST AS AWESOME AS THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC!!!!!
Sorry, I had to put it there. I love Linkara. He is younger than the Critic and I think kind of cuter (but then again, I have weird tastes. If you've seen Joseph, you know.) than the Critic and he doesn't curse! I love him! <3
Okay, I'm done being crazy fangirl. I have been sick the last two days and I have done squat. AND I LOVE IT! I have been amazingly stressed and wired for the last few days. It's been agonizing and doing nothing for my health. Which is probably why I got sick. Not like KOFF KOFF HACK HACK can't breathe sick, but spill-your-guts sick. Sorry. Anyways, I did do some of my Spanish homework and I got a lot of my English done, so yay me, but Bev still wants me to call this place about a job, I still have to cook, clean, and pick up Bentley, and do everything else around here. What part of "BLEEEEEEAAAAAAGGGGHHH!" doesn't anyone understand?
Yeah, I know I am griping but I've been kind of pissy the last few days. I apologize sincerely. Staying home all day makes me antsy but I don't feel like going anywhere because I'm sick. Ugh, this is why I hate being sick. It's no fun. Sure, some people play video games. But I don't for two reasons. One: I really suck at video games. Yeah, I try and learn about video games, and I LOVE watching them, but I can't play first person shooters because they make me dizzy, online games I can't get the controls down on, and other video games are either too hard or complicated. Here is the complete list of video games I can kick butt while playing:
Marvel Ultimate Alliance (XBOX 360 and PS2)
Batman: Arkham Asylum (PS2. Boy, did THAT take me forever)
Teen Titans (PS2)
Soul Caliber IV (XBOX 360)
LEGO Star Wars, Harry Potter, and Star Wars: The Original Trilogy (PS2, XBOX 360, and PS2 respectively)
And that's it! And the second reason: Dr. Craig said it would be a good idea for Bentley to stay home today. No reason, or at least none that I get told. So Bentley plays video games all day instead of doing the homework I KNOW he has because I had the exact same teachers in eighth grade that he has now. I have done most of mine. I just have to finish up the more tedious assignments. He hasn't done DIDDLY.
Ugh, just thinking about it is making me frustrated and making my stomach hurt, so I am moving on. I don't know if I've said this but MY THEATER TROUPE IS DOING MY ADAPTATION OF "THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS"! If I have said this before, I'm sorry. If I haven't, BOO-YAH I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!
Okay, now I am REALLY feeling sick... I gotta go.
Hugz
HM
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Mental Health Day
Greetings.
Has anyone else heard of/taken advantage of a "mental health day"? I first heard of it in my third favorite romantic comedy movie (okay, this movie is a little bit more than a rom-com, i.e. a road trip movie, a music movie, but I just describe it as a rom-com and it's my third favorite) NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST starring Michael Cera and Kat Dennings. In the movie, Cera's character, Nick, tries to take a mental health day in order to get out of playing a gig in the city that evening because he's still upset that his super mega-foxy awesome hot (*catchphrase copyrighted by A VERY POTTER MUSICAL) girlfriend, Tris, dumped him.
Obviously, nobody dumped me, but I needed a mental health day. Yesterday was just amazingly sucky - I didn't talk, barely smiled, I felt squashed - and I just needed a day to myself. Unfortunately, Bev and Bentley are home today too, so the day to myself is kind of defeated. (Darn! I can't walk around naked. JUST KIDDING. Ha ha.)
What have I done with my day? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AND IT'S BEEN REALLY REFRESHING. In fact, I am debating whether or not to take a nap after I finish this. So far, the nap is winning even though I slept in until 10:30 this morning. Boy, I love mental health days.
Hugz
HM
Has anyone else heard of/taken advantage of a "mental health day"? I first heard of it in my third favorite romantic comedy movie (okay, this movie is a little bit more than a rom-com, i.e. a road trip movie, a music movie, but I just describe it as a rom-com and it's my third favorite) NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST starring Michael Cera and Kat Dennings. In the movie, Cera's character, Nick, tries to take a mental health day in order to get out of playing a gig in the city that evening because he's still upset that his super mega-foxy awesome hot (*catchphrase copyrighted by A VERY POTTER MUSICAL) girlfriend, Tris, dumped him.
Obviously, nobody dumped me, but I needed a mental health day. Yesterday was just amazingly sucky - I didn't talk, barely smiled, I felt squashed - and I just needed a day to myself. Unfortunately, Bev and Bentley are home today too, so the day to myself is kind of defeated. (Darn! I can't walk around naked. JUST KIDDING. Ha ha.)
What have I done with my day? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AND IT'S BEEN REALLY REFRESHING. In fact, I am debating whether or not to take a nap after I finish this. So far, the nap is winning even though I slept in until 10:30 this morning. Boy, I love mental health days.
Hugz
HM
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Those Precious Moments
Greetings.
"To err is human." I don't know who said it, but I put it in this blog post for two reasons. 1) It's an awesome quote and I just wanted to use it. And 2) it's one hundred percent true.
Okay, as you guessed by the title, erring has nothing to do with what I want to talk about. It's just a cool quote. But you know those little moments in life that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside when you think about them? Yeah, I don't have a whole lot of them from recent years. I mean, some people can find at least one a day. I'm lucky if I find one once a month. Okay, sure, I love my friends and all very much, but I only get to see them for 40 minutes a day at lunch unless we work really hard to see each other. So my memory possibilities are very limited. Then I have my family, who does their own thing and leaves me alone for a lot of the time. Either that, or they just start yelling at me for no good reason and- okay, no, I am not going to get mad today.
So basically, those happy little moments are fairly scarce. But I have had a few that I would like to share with you.
Exhibit A:
Joseph, Claire, Bennie, Ernie, and our friend Todd Harvey (no relation to my psycho ex-one-date-guy/ex-friend) were sitting behind the band room at our school waiting for Todd's mom to pick Ernie, Todd, and Joseph up. I have been sick for about a week and I was feeling particularly crappy yesterday - not just because of that but also I hadn't had a single thing to eat that day - so I pulled Joseph closer to me and laid my head on his shoulder. He didn't make me move it. In fact, when I informed him that I hadn't eaten all day (I had been super busy at lunch so I didn't see him, nor did I get lunch, duh) he tried to make me eat a Rice Krispie Treat, which I hate, but his heart was in the right place. And he let me lay on his shoulder until Mrs. Harvey picked them up. I noticed Bennie and Claire were giggling over something so I stole the iPod I had seen them giggling at and read it. It was about how Joseph and I looked so cute together. I felt good, but still sick and hungry.
Exhibit B:
Any time I see Ally. I hardly ever see her and I miss her dreadfully. So every time I see her, I feel great and I don't miss her anymore. That is until she leaves. WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!
Exhibit C: (I am not going to say anymore after this one)
The time in the car I have with my brother Bentley. When we talk or sing songs, I feel great. He and I don't get a lot of time together - he's a studly young guy and has a girlfriend as well as a show to do - so the little time I do, it's great.
While those aren't the only ones, these are some of the best examples. I love my friends and my brother. And I can tolerate my parents sometimes. But these are some of my favorite examples. (Also, pretty much any moment with Joseph counts.) ;)
Hugz
HM
"To err is human." I don't know who said it, but I put it in this blog post for two reasons. 1) It's an awesome quote and I just wanted to use it. And 2) it's one hundred percent true.
Okay, as you guessed by the title, erring has nothing to do with what I want to talk about. It's just a cool quote. But you know those little moments in life that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside when you think about them? Yeah, I don't have a whole lot of them from recent years. I mean, some people can find at least one a day. I'm lucky if I find one once a month. Okay, sure, I love my friends and all very much, but I only get to see them for 40 minutes a day at lunch unless we work really hard to see each other. So my memory possibilities are very limited. Then I have my family, who does their own thing and leaves me alone for a lot of the time. Either that, or they just start yelling at me for no good reason and- okay, no, I am not going to get mad today.
So basically, those happy little moments are fairly scarce. But I have had a few that I would like to share with you.
Exhibit A:
Joseph, Claire, Bennie, Ernie, and our friend Todd Harvey (no relation to my psycho ex-one-date-guy/ex-friend) were sitting behind the band room at our school waiting for Todd's mom to pick Ernie, Todd, and Joseph up. I have been sick for about a week and I was feeling particularly crappy yesterday - not just because of that but also I hadn't had a single thing to eat that day - so I pulled Joseph closer to me and laid my head on his shoulder. He didn't make me move it. In fact, when I informed him that I hadn't eaten all day (I had been super busy at lunch so I didn't see him, nor did I get lunch, duh) he tried to make me eat a Rice Krispie Treat, which I hate, but his heart was in the right place. And he let me lay on his shoulder until Mrs. Harvey picked them up. I noticed Bennie and Claire were giggling over something so I stole the iPod I had seen them giggling at and read it. It was about how Joseph and I looked so cute together. I felt good, but still sick and hungry.
Exhibit B:
Any time I see Ally. I hardly ever see her and I miss her dreadfully. So every time I see her, I feel great and I don't miss her anymore. That is until she leaves. WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!
Exhibit C: (I am not going to say anymore after this one)
The time in the car I have with my brother Bentley. When we talk or sing songs, I feel great. He and I don't get a lot of time together - he's a studly young guy and has a girlfriend as well as a show to do - so the little time I do, it's great.
While those aren't the only ones, these are some of the best examples. I love my friends and my brother. And I can tolerate my parents sometimes. But these are some of my favorite examples. (Also, pretty much any moment with Joseph counts.) ;)
Hugz
HM
Sunday, December 5, 2010
A Christmas Carol/A Charlie Brown Christmas
Greetings.
Well, I had an amazing day today and yesterday. So far, church was fun, I had brunch with Nana, and i am going to see TANGLED with Chase later on. But yesterday was awesome.
We had our last shows of A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS/A CHRISTMAS CAROL yesterday (Joseph, who played Bob Cratchit, made me cry every time and I hate crying) and we went to the cast party with Claire, Jasper, Joseph, Bentley, and all of Bentley's little groupies whom I care nothing about. At the cast party, Jasper, Donna (you know, the show off-y prima donna [oh, the irony] whom I don't care much for), and I were singing the song "Men in Tights" from the Mel Brooks film of almost the exact same name but we had used it last year in our production of ROBIN HOOD. Soon, the entire side room of Sammy's Pizza Parlor that we had invaded at the cast party was singing along with us and Jasper, Bentley, and another kid named Curtis performed the dance that they did in the play and at the Toby awards. It. Was. Hysterical.
On the way home, Claire, Bentley, Dad, and I had a very real near-death experience, I crap you not. Dad was driving because I can't drive after 11 p.m. until I turn 18 and it was 12:15. Out of nowhere, this drunk idiot in a Corvette (rare around East Westerfield) barely missed us and then continued swerving back and forth, back and forth, until he turned into his neighborhood. It scared the living CRAP out of us. Claire and I jumped and Bentley dropped his iPhone (which he never has out of his hands, I swear). We almost died. Scary as Hell. However, Ally knows what to do if I die early. So does Claire, but she was in the car too.
Anyways, I enjoyed all of the quality time I had with joseph and I cannot wait for the next show that we are in. Plus. Claire and Bentley had a lot of fun too.
Hugz
HM
Well, I had an amazing day today and yesterday. So far, church was fun, I had brunch with Nana, and i am going to see TANGLED with Chase later on. But yesterday was awesome.
We had our last shows of A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS/A CHRISTMAS CAROL yesterday (Joseph, who played Bob Cratchit, made me cry every time and I hate crying) and we went to the cast party with Claire, Jasper, Joseph, Bentley, and all of Bentley's little groupies whom I care nothing about. At the cast party, Jasper, Donna (you know, the show off-y prima donna [oh, the irony] whom I don't care much for), and I were singing the song "Men in Tights" from the Mel Brooks film of almost the exact same name but we had used it last year in our production of ROBIN HOOD. Soon, the entire side room of Sammy's Pizza Parlor that we had invaded at the cast party was singing along with us and Jasper, Bentley, and another kid named Curtis performed the dance that they did in the play and at the Toby awards. It. Was. Hysterical.
On the way home, Claire, Bentley, Dad, and I had a very real near-death experience, I crap you not. Dad was driving because I can't drive after 11 p.m. until I turn 18 and it was 12:15. Out of nowhere, this drunk idiot in a Corvette (rare around East Westerfield) barely missed us and then continued swerving back and forth, back and forth, until he turned into his neighborhood. It scared the living CRAP out of us. Claire and I jumped and Bentley dropped his iPhone (which he never has out of his hands, I swear). We almost died. Scary as Hell. However, Ally knows what to do if I die early. So does Claire, but she was in the car too.
Anyways, I enjoyed all of the quality time I had with joseph and I cannot wait for the next show that we are in. Plus. Claire and Bentley had a lot of fun too.
Hugz
HM
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Screwed Up
Greetings.
Okay, I feel really screwed up right now. My parents are trying to ship me off to the shrink I had back during my Suicide Year, Dr. Craig, and now Bentley's missing school tomorrow because he has to go too. Something about his weight. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BENTLEY, YOU'RE THIN AND GORGEOUS AND NICE AND KIND AND EVERYONE FRICKING LOVES YOU (except for those bungholes who call him gay at school) SO GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!!!!!!!! But, no, Bents gets to skip school to go powwow with the Doc while I schlepp back and forth from tutoring to school to (ugh) home.
I really don't like home right now. I feel fine everywhere else. I feel good at SCHOOL. Yeah. I said it. I don't understand why Bentley is having a hard time. He is thin, he has a great metabolism, he has a pretty girl who's gaga for him, and he has good friends who care about him. Plus, he's got a sister who would love to listen to him if he talked to her. What's the problem? He doesn't eat much. That's it! He doesn't have an appetite beyond Cheddar Goldfish, chocolate cake batter, and raw vegetables. While I am worried for Bentley, shouldn't they be more worried about him if he were ballooning up like Violet Beauregard? (OH GOOD GOD MY BRAIN MY BRAIN! OH GOOD LORD ERASE THAT IMAGE FROM MY MIND FOREVER!) (For those of you who do not know, I have an acute fear of WILLY WONKA/CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!)
Moving on. (Shudder) I don't want to see the doc. I want to learn to be a functional adult without leaning on meds or whatever crap he's going to do to me. I outgrew that years ago. But my parents say I have anger issues (true, but only around them. HMMMM.), I'm distant (HMMMMM.), and I am moody. (FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY! I! HATE! IT! HERE!) No one is happy, we're always fighting, we're on the brink of fiscal ruin, and EVERYTHING IS SCREWED UP! I look back at old photos of me when I was five and say to myself in the picture, "RUN WHILE YOU CAN, LITTLE GIRL! IT ALL GOES DOWNHILL FROM THERE!" The same thing happens when I see a picture of Bentley around the same age.
Why is this all happening too us? Karma? (ha ha) I don't know. And frankly I really don't want to stick around here long enough to figure out why. I am going to community college, moving out, and then going to real college where I shall live in an apartment with Bennie and Joss, then graduate, publish a book, become rich, and spend the rest of my life happily married to Joseph with my son/daughter while teaching English at Horizon High School and never having to worry about money.
Happy happy happy. Can I fast forward my life, please???? Or at least get a Clarence the Angel to show me if any of my dreams come true????
Hugz
HM
Okay, I feel really screwed up right now. My parents are trying to ship me off to the shrink I had back during my Suicide Year, Dr. Craig, and now Bentley's missing school tomorrow because he has to go too. Something about his weight. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BENTLEY, YOU'RE THIN AND GORGEOUS AND NICE AND KIND AND EVERYONE FRICKING LOVES YOU (except for those bungholes who call him gay at school) SO GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!!!!!!!! But, no, Bents gets to skip school to go powwow with the Doc while I schlepp back and forth from tutoring to school to (ugh) home.
I really don't like home right now. I feel fine everywhere else. I feel good at SCHOOL. Yeah. I said it. I don't understand why Bentley is having a hard time. He is thin, he has a great metabolism, he has a pretty girl who's gaga for him, and he has good friends who care about him. Plus, he's got a sister who would love to listen to him if he talked to her. What's the problem? He doesn't eat much. That's it! He doesn't have an appetite beyond Cheddar Goldfish, chocolate cake batter, and raw vegetables. While I am worried for Bentley, shouldn't they be more worried about him if he were ballooning up like Violet Beauregard? (OH GOOD GOD MY BRAIN MY BRAIN! OH GOOD LORD ERASE THAT IMAGE FROM MY MIND FOREVER!) (For those of you who do not know, I have an acute fear of WILLY WONKA/CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!)
Moving on. (Shudder) I don't want to see the doc. I want to learn to be a functional adult without leaning on meds or whatever crap he's going to do to me. I outgrew that years ago. But my parents say I have anger issues (true, but only around them. HMMMM.), I'm distant (HMMMMM.), and I am moody. (FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY! I! HATE! IT! HERE!) No one is happy, we're always fighting, we're on the brink of fiscal ruin, and EVERYTHING IS SCREWED UP! I look back at old photos of me when I was five and say to myself in the picture, "RUN WHILE YOU CAN, LITTLE GIRL! IT ALL GOES DOWNHILL FROM THERE!" The same thing happens when I see a picture of Bentley around the same age.
Why is this all happening too us? Karma? (ha ha) I don't know. And frankly I really don't want to stick around here long enough to figure out why. I am going to community college, moving out, and then going to real college where I shall live in an apartment with Bennie and Joss, then graduate, publish a book, become rich, and spend the rest of my life happily married to Joseph with my son/daughter while teaching English at Horizon High School and never having to worry about money.
Happy happy happy. Can I fast forward my life, please???? Or at least get a Clarence the Angel to show me if any of my dreams come true????
Hugz
HM
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The Nostalgia Critic #2 (and Other Less Important Things)
Greetings.
Seriously, this guy is so funny! I am re-watching his review of MY PET MONSTER and he's griping about how they used the toy (yes, it was a toy first) on the cover of the videocassette instead of the actual monster in the movie. (It was the 80s, go with it) This is what he said:
"So let me get this straight: The children's plaything that you can get at Toys-R-Us for, like, $15, is a better special effect than this ANIMATRONIC CHUCK E. CHEESE NIGHTMARE!!!!! (spazzes out momentarily) YOU LIED TO ME MOVIE, YOU LIED TO ME! I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING THIS (points to cover) BUT NO INSTEAD I'M GETTING (shows monster from movie, shudders) THE F****** CRACK BABY FROM "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE"!!!!!!"
SOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!! If you have not checked this guy out, you must.
Anyways, Claire stayed over yesterday and Bev got mad at me for being a good sister. Here is what happened: Bentley went out with his girlfriend (hell if I know, she could be a Russian spy or something) Nina Burbank and a few of their friends like Donna Pickett, Viola St. Sebastian, and other kids from our theater troupe. Well, he left at five thirty-ish. He didn't get home until 11:45, midnight. I CAN'T EVEN STAY OUT THAT LATE, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! But I am getting ahead of myself.
Anyways, around 11:30, I begin to worry because I am a good sister so I use Claire's cell phone (mine's dead) and call him. I can't understand him, but he's alive, so okay. I tell him to call Bev. He doesn't of course, and I don't hear from him for the rest of the night. Cut to 12:45 when I call Dad, who is at Mr. Hart's house playing games. I ask him where Bentley is and he is amazed to know that BENTLEY HAS NOT RETURNED HOME (to his knowledge, but earlier on, Bentley said to call Dad). But our connection is cut off and he calls back a minute or two later and tells Bev that Bentley IS home and that, when I went out to see Bev lying on the couch asleep, he was already home.
Bev. Gets. Mad. At. Me. For. Calling. Bentley. To. See. If. He. Is. Okay. She says I was being inappropriate! WHAT THE HELL WAS INAPPROPRIATE!!!! I WAS TRYING TO FIND OUT IF HE WAS DEAD, DRUNK, OR NO LONGER A VIRGIN!!!!!!!! I WAS WORRIED!!!!! I WAS A GOOD BIG SISTER!!!!!!! AND SHE HAS THE BALLS TO GET MAD AT ME!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FRICKING HELL IS UP WITH THAT???????
Anyways, today I played third wheel/chauffeur to Claire and Jean-Luc. (I'm more a chauffeur than person these days, I guess) We went to dinner and then saw MEGAMIND (4 out of 5 stars, it was better than and 3.5 but not quite really a 4, so I gave it the benefit of the doubt).
There, that's my life for the past two days. Wheeee...
Hugz
HM
Seriously, this guy is so funny! I am re-watching his review of MY PET MONSTER and he's griping about how they used the toy (yes, it was a toy first) on the cover of the videocassette instead of the actual monster in the movie. (It was the 80s, go with it) This is what he said:
"So let me get this straight: The children's plaything that you can get at Toys-R-Us for, like, $15, is a better special effect than this ANIMATRONIC CHUCK E. CHEESE NIGHTMARE!!!!! (spazzes out momentarily) YOU LIED TO ME MOVIE, YOU LIED TO ME! I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING THIS (points to cover) BUT NO INSTEAD I'M GETTING (shows monster from movie, shudders) THE F****** CRACK BABY FROM "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE"!!!!!!"
SOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!! If you have not checked this guy out, you must.
Anyways, Claire stayed over yesterday and Bev got mad at me for being a good sister. Here is what happened: Bentley went out with his girlfriend (hell if I know, she could be a Russian spy or something) Nina Burbank and a few of their friends like Donna Pickett, Viola St. Sebastian, and other kids from our theater troupe. Well, he left at five thirty-ish. He didn't get home until 11:45, midnight. I CAN'T EVEN STAY OUT THAT LATE, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! But I am getting ahead of myself.
Anyways, around 11:30, I begin to worry because I am a good sister so I use Claire's cell phone (mine's dead) and call him. I can't understand him, but he's alive, so okay. I tell him to call Bev. He doesn't of course, and I don't hear from him for the rest of the night. Cut to 12:45 when I call Dad, who is at Mr. Hart's house playing games. I ask him where Bentley is and he is amazed to know that BENTLEY HAS NOT RETURNED HOME (to his knowledge, but earlier on, Bentley said to call Dad). But our connection is cut off and he calls back a minute or two later and tells Bev that Bentley IS home and that, when I went out to see Bev lying on the couch asleep, he was already home.
Bev. Gets. Mad. At. Me. For. Calling. Bentley. To. See. If. He. Is. Okay. She says I was being inappropriate! WHAT THE HELL WAS INAPPROPRIATE!!!! I WAS TRYING TO FIND OUT IF HE WAS DEAD, DRUNK, OR NO LONGER A VIRGIN!!!!!!!! I WAS WORRIED!!!!! I WAS A GOOD BIG SISTER!!!!!!! AND SHE HAS THE BALLS TO GET MAD AT ME!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FRICKING HELL IS UP WITH THAT???????
Anyways, today I played third wheel/chauffeur to Claire and Jean-Luc. (I'm more a chauffeur than person these days, I guess) We went to dinner and then saw MEGAMIND (4 out of 5 stars, it was better than and 3.5 but not quite really a 4, so I gave it the benefit of the doubt).
There, that's my life for the past two days. Wheeee...
Hugz
HM
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Halloween
Greetings.
Well it is my first Halloween post and - guess what - I DON'T GET TO GO TRICK-OR-TREATING, WHICH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO DO!!!!!!!!!!! I am stuck at home. Ally is going trick-or-treating with Colleen and her friends from school, Claire can't trick-or-treat just because it's SUNDAY (right now, I really hate Mormonism), and even BENTLEY is ditching me and going to a party or something like that with either a group of girls from school or a group of girls from his game show or a group of girls from theater. (Notice a pattern here?)
Well, this SUCKS. Like, MARJORLY. I LIVE for free candy - especially Reese's and anything chocolatey and peanut buttery - and All Hallow's Eve is a cornucopia of free candy. I LOVE candy, as do most fatties, and I want some! Joseph doesn't even do Halloween. Since everyone else ditched me, I called him to see if I could come hang out but he's working on Calculus (I TOLD him not to take it, but did he listen to me, NOOOOOO) and his dad is going over to paint his mother's house so they can sell it.
...Halloween just got really depressing.
But anyways, I'm stuck here. I want to go out someplace but there's nowhere to go when you're not trick-or-treating on Halloween. And, Claire, if you say church, I will hurt you. Is it wrong of me to want to start crying? Ah, crap, too late...
Hugz
HM
Well it is my first Halloween post and - guess what - I DON'T GET TO GO TRICK-OR-TREATING, WHICH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO DO!!!!!!!!!!! I am stuck at home. Ally is going trick-or-treating with Colleen and her friends from school, Claire can't trick-or-treat just because it's SUNDAY (right now, I really hate Mormonism), and even BENTLEY is ditching me and going to a party or something like that with either a group of girls from school or a group of girls from his game show or a group of girls from theater. (Notice a pattern here?)
Well, this SUCKS. Like, MARJORLY. I LIVE for free candy - especially Reese's and anything chocolatey and peanut buttery - and All Hallow's Eve is a cornucopia of free candy. I LOVE candy, as do most fatties, and I want some! Joseph doesn't even do Halloween. Since everyone else ditched me, I called him to see if I could come hang out but he's working on Calculus (I TOLD him not to take it, but did he listen to me, NOOOOOO) and his dad is going over to paint his mother's house so they can sell it.
...Halloween just got really depressing.
But anyways, I'm stuck here. I want to go out someplace but there's nowhere to go when you're not trick-or-treating on Halloween. And, Claire, if you say church, I will hurt you. Is it wrong of me to want to start crying? Ah, crap, too late...
Hugz
HM
Sunday, August 22, 2010
School and Awards
Greetings.
Senior. Year. Starts. TOMORROW. BEGIN FREAK OUT SESSION NOW!!!!! I cannot believe that I'm going to be a senior! I mean, college admissions, scholarships, admissions essays, SATs, ACTs, migraines, jobs, I think I'm hyperventilating just THINKING ABOUT IT! I'm kind of scared. I mean, I have no idea what life is like outside of school. (Summer doesn't count) I have to get a job or else I lose my baby Kermit, I'm going to college in a year, and I'm going to live life on my own. I don't know anything! I'm smart, but I don't know how to work with the real world. I ALREADY HATE SENIOR YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!
... Okay, I have calmed down now. Last night I went to an awards ceremony similar to the Tonys for my community theater group, the group with whom I performed ALICE IN WONDERLAND. Anyways, I won something. I was nominated for Best Leading Actress for my role as The Witch for INTO THE WOODS. I won a Spirit of Junior Theater Award for exemplifying all that Junior Theater stands for. (I didn't win Best Actress. However, the only girl I would have been alright with winning won, so I'm better than I would have been if someone else had won it.) The best part about winning it was that BENTLEY WON IT WITH ME! The award goes to the boy AND the girl who exemplifies all the wonderful qualities they want and we made a speech together. It was really awesome! I opened with, "Just for the record, I am older. But he's cuter so it doesn't matter much." (I said that because he's five feet, eleven inches and I am only five feet, four and a half inches tall.) It was pretty good.
Joseph was there. Nothing was out of the ordinary, but something he said at church today made me uneasy. He said he didn't put too much emotional stock in things just in case it didn't work out the way he planned. What if he doesn't put too much emotional stock into the fact that I am practically in love with him? What if he doesn't care? I think that may be even worse...
Hugz
HM
Senior. Year. Starts. TOMORROW. BEGIN FREAK OUT SESSION NOW!!!!! I cannot believe that I'm going to be a senior! I mean, college admissions, scholarships, admissions essays, SATs, ACTs, migraines, jobs, I think I'm hyperventilating just THINKING ABOUT IT! I'm kind of scared. I mean, I have no idea what life is like outside of school. (Summer doesn't count) I have to get a job or else I lose my baby Kermit, I'm going to college in a year, and I'm going to live life on my own. I don't know anything! I'm smart, but I don't know how to work with the real world. I ALREADY HATE SENIOR YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!
... Okay, I have calmed down now. Last night I went to an awards ceremony similar to the Tonys for my community theater group, the group with whom I performed ALICE IN WONDERLAND. Anyways, I won something. I was nominated for Best Leading Actress for my role as The Witch for INTO THE WOODS. I won a Spirit of Junior Theater Award for exemplifying all that Junior Theater stands for. (I didn't win Best Actress. However, the only girl I would have been alright with winning won, so I'm better than I would have been if someone else had won it.) The best part about winning it was that BENTLEY WON IT WITH ME! The award goes to the boy AND the girl who exemplifies all the wonderful qualities they want and we made a speech together. It was really awesome! I opened with, "Just for the record, I am older. But he's cuter so it doesn't matter much." (I said that because he's five feet, eleven inches and I am only five feet, four and a half inches tall.) It was pretty good.
Joseph was there. Nothing was out of the ordinary, but something he said at church today made me uneasy. He said he didn't put too much emotional stock in things just in case it didn't work out the way he planned. What if he doesn't put too much emotional stock into the fact that I am practically in love with him? What if he doesn't care? I think that may be even worse...
Hugz
HM
Sunday, July 25, 2010
O, happy Dagger! this is thy sheath!
Greetings.
Joseph leaves for Ireland tomorrow @ 6:30 a.m. He technically leaves at 11:30, but you have to drive a LONG way to get to their airport, plus they have the Morton Curse: they are perpetually late, but they are determined not to be this time. Ugh, I don't want him to go and I am probably a horrible person for saying this but it is totally and completely true!
I saw him at church today. We hung out and I helped him with his costume for VBS because he can't seem to dress himself. That came out TOTALLY wrong, but he was just messing up his costume so much that I felt sorry for it. Mr. M too. Then after VBS, Mr. and Mrs. M invited me to have lunch at Mexicali with them and Mrs. Morton's mom. How could I say no? While I hate Mexican food, it was a chance to spend time with three of my favorite people in the world plus meet his only remaining grandparent.
After lunch, Mr. and Mrs. M took her mom home and Joseph and I went to Borders. It was a short walk and we talked the whole way. And, of course, he found the guidebook to GOD OF WAR III and he was dead to the world, the fact that he had his iPod on didn't help either. After a little while of that, I had to go home and pick up Bentley so he could get a birthday present for Mickie. (It's a gorgeous locket that we only paid $60 for. It was real gold. It was on clearance. We saved $232. Never again shall he dispute my bargain hunting skills.) Joseph walked me to my car and said good-bye.
And then I cried. I sat in Bev's car (mine was behind a gigantic trailer and Dad's had an engine problem so I had to use Bev's) and cried. I even accidentally made the horn honk because my head slammed down onto the wheel. I just bawled. I couldn't help it. Joseph was leaving. And I fell apart when he was in HAWAII. Now he's leaving the COUNTRY! I AM GOING TO GO BAT-CRAP CRAZY!!!!! I AM GOING TO BE ONE LAB ACCIDENT AWAY FROM BEING A SUPERVILLIAN!!!!!!
I can't stop being sad. I hate it when I am away from him. I wish I could see him all the time. But I can't. I already miss him!!!! I'm going to go cry again now. I feel like Juliet without her Romeo. Only I am not suicidal. Yet.
Hugz
HM
Joseph leaves for Ireland tomorrow @ 6:30 a.m. He technically leaves at 11:30, but you have to drive a LONG way to get to their airport, plus they have the Morton Curse: they are perpetually late, but they are determined not to be this time. Ugh, I don't want him to go and I am probably a horrible person for saying this but it is totally and completely true!
I saw him at church today. We hung out and I helped him with his costume for VBS because he can't seem to dress himself. That came out TOTALLY wrong, but he was just messing up his costume so much that I felt sorry for it. Mr. M too. Then after VBS, Mr. and Mrs. M invited me to have lunch at Mexicali with them and Mrs. Morton's mom. How could I say no? While I hate Mexican food, it was a chance to spend time with three of my favorite people in the world plus meet his only remaining grandparent.
After lunch, Mr. and Mrs. M took her mom home and Joseph and I went to Borders. It was a short walk and we talked the whole way. And, of course, he found the guidebook to GOD OF WAR III and he was dead to the world, the fact that he had his iPod on didn't help either. After a little while of that, I had to go home and pick up Bentley so he could get a birthday present for Mickie. (It's a gorgeous locket that we only paid $60 for. It was real gold. It was on clearance. We saved $232. Never again shall he dispute my bargain hunting skills.) Joseph walked me to my car and said good-bye.
And then I cried. I sat in Bev's car (mine was behind a gigantic trailer and Dad's had an engine problem so I had to use Bev's) and cried. I even accidentally made the horn honk because my head slammed down onto the wheel. I just bawled. I couldn't help it. Joseph was leaving. And I fell apart when he was in HAWAII. Now he's leaving the COUNTRY! I AM GOING TO GO BAT-CRAP CRAZY!!!!! I AM GOING TO BE ONE LAB ACCIDENT AWAY FROM BEING A SUPERVILLIAN!!!!!!
I can't stop being sad. I hate it when I am away from him. I wish I could see him all the time. But I can't. I already miss him!!!! I'm going to go cry again now. I feel like Juliet without her Romeo. Only I am not suicidal. Yet.
Hugz
HM
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Independence Day (also Homecoming)
Greetings.
It's been a while since I have posted something. I don't know where to start, so I'll start with today.
As you can tell, today is Independence Day, the Fourth of July. The day all the furniture stores have monster sales that save you 'Washingtons". Cheap paper plates, tri-tip, and fireworks are very common around my house on 7/4. Bentley and Dad work on our backyard for our big Independence Day bonanza like cleaning off the patio and scrubbing the pool while Bev and I vacuum and dust and Windex and mop and do everything on the inside. I hate cleaning. Organizing I can do, cleaning, not a chance. Unless I'm paid.
Then the usuals come over: Ally, Colleen, Wanda, Robert Clay, Aunt Gertie, Uncle Sam, Jeremy, and Josie Lowell, a few stragglers whose names I have never bothered to learn, and sometimes our neighbors from across the street, the Andersons. Joy Ann has been quite smitten with Bentley for as long as I can remember. And I had a crush on her older brother Corbin when I was little. We all swim, eat barbecue, and then wait for dark to start the fireworks. Joy Ann, Bentley, Colleen, and some of the stragglers' littler ones have fun with sparklers. Sometimes Ally and I join in but I'm not a big sparklers girl. Bev hides in the house; she's a pyrophobe. Then as soon as the sun sets, Dad breaks out the good stuff. I'm not talking about sissy Piccolo Petes here (please, no, they give me headaches) I'm talking big ol' honking dinosaur fireworks. While Bev is a pyrophobe, Bentley and Dad are pyromaniacs. They LOVE their fire. I am flexible either way. But I like 7/4 because I get to see Ally. I STILL have her birthday presents from MAY.
Another thing; I was working Vacation Bible School with the kids and Joseph was playing (ironically) Joseph, like the guy with the coat with a lot of colors, in the VBS skit thing. Beforehand, he was just being really... playful. He was messing with my face, like pushing it around and stuff, and I asked him why. He just shrugged and said "I dunno." It was great...
I actually like working with the kids. I'm really good with kids. They like me too. I know how to talk to them, Bev says. Now I'm torn between teaching elementary or high school students. I love the little kids, ideally I'd teach third or second grade, but I want to teach a high school curriculum. I even have extra credit assignments ready, assignments that I can't do with little kids. And I just want t teach both. I love both. I'm torn...
Hugz
HM
It's been a while since I have posted something. I don't know where to start, so I'll start with today.
As you can tell, today is Independence Day, the Fourth of July. The day all the furniture stores have monster sales that save you 'Washingtons". Cheap paper plates, tri-tip, and fireworks are very common around my house on 7/4. Bentley and Dad work on our backyard for our big Independence Day bonanza like cleaning off the patio and scrubbing the pool while Bev and I vacuum and dust and Windex and mop and do everything on the inside. I hate cleaning. Organizing I can do, cleaning, not a chance. Unless I'm paid.
Then the usuals come over: Ally, Colleen, Wanda, Robert Clay, Aunt Gertie, Uncle Sam, Jeremy, and Josie Lowell, a few stragglers whose names I have never bothered to learn, and sometimes our neighbors from across the street, the Andersons. Joy Ann has been quite smitten with Bentley for as long as I can remember. And I had a crush on her older brother Corbin when I was little. We all swim, eat barbecue, and then wait for dark to start the fireworks. Joy Ann, Bentley, Colleen, and some of the stragglers' littler ones have fun with sparklers. Sometimes Ally and I join in but I'm not a big sparklers girl. Bev hides in the house; she's a pyrophobe. Then as soon as the sun sets, Dad breaks out the good stuff. I'm not talking about sissy Piccolo Petes here (please, no, they give me headaches) I'm talking big ol' honking dinosaur fireworks. While Bev is a pyrophobe, Bentley and Dad are pyromaniacs. They LOVE their fire. I am flexible either way. But I like 7/4 because I get to see Ally. I STILL have her birthday presents from MAY.
Another thing; I was working Vacation Bible School with the kids and Joseph was playing (ironically) Joseph, like the guy with the coat with a lot of colors, in the VBS skit thing. Beforehand, he was just being really... playful. He was messing with my face, like pushing it around and stuff, and I asked him why. He just shrugged and said "I dunno." It was great...
I actually like working with the kids. I'm really good with kids. They like me too. I know how to talk to them, Bev says. Now I'm torn between teaching elementary or high school students. I love the little kids, ideally I'd teach third or second grade, but I want to teach a high school curriculum. I even have extra credit assignments ready, assignments that I can't do with little kids. And I just want t teach both. I love both. I'm torn...
Hugz
HM
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
The Curiosities of Protection
Greetings.
Why do we protect? Some leftover gene from the days when chivalry was as close to godliness (aside from cleanliness) as one could get? Some sick satisfaction we get from it? A religion? No, I believe that when we have someone/something we love, it is pure animal instinct that we secure it.
Is protecting someone you love or care about worth hurting someone else? The answer this time, however, is undefined.
In the case that someone is pointing a gun at your mom, by all means, smack him on the back of the head with a frying pan. But when it comes to emotional protection, how far do you go? I am no psychologist. I am no counselor. I am a loyal friend and a fierce fighter for my loved ones. I just told Jasper to abandon the movie plan because he's still hung up on Mickie. I told him that unless he is fully committed to the idea of dedicating all of his time to Bennie, then forget it. I told him I wasn't going to help him pry Mickie away from Bentley because if he wants her bad enough, he should grow the balls to do it himself. I think that if he loves her so much, he should just LET HER BE HAPPY. But I know he won't listen. I know he's going to find some way to get into Bennie's heart and then break it three months later when he tells her that he's still not over Mickie. Hopefully he'll have the sense to leave out Mickie's name. But that's exactly the same thing I did to Victor, my first real boyfriend. (See "My Love Life Part 3: Victor Hausen") I was still kind of hung up on Freddy and Aaron and I strung him along for almost three months. For what? I cried my eyes out because I felt horrible for using a perfectly nice guy. Victor went into a deep funk because he thought everything I had told him was a lie, and Aaron and Freddy felt guilty that they were the cause of so much unhappiness. I hurt four people in one blow. And Jasper is about to do the same. So I felt I had to do something. Otherwise the guilt would torment me for years to come.
I still don't know how far you go to protect someone. But I know I'll go as far as it takes for no one to get hurt. And if I hurt someone in the process, I have failed. I like to think I am a selfless person in one respect: I will protect anyone I love with everything that I have, but if I save someone else from pain even if it causes my heart to suffer, I will live with it. I will sacrifice my own pleasure, for the most part, for someone else, or even more than one, to find love and happiness. And I'd like to think that my reprimand of Jasper helped someone. Maybe not me, maybe not him, but maybe Bennie, Mickie, and Bentley. I won't know until I receive that hysterical phone call/brother in my room if I have helped anyone.
But I hope I did.
Hugz
HM
Why do we protect? Some leftover gene from the days when chivalry was as close to godliness (aside from cleanliness) as one could get? Some sick satisfaction we get from it? A religion? No, I believe that when we have someone/something we love, it is pure animal instinct that we secure it.
Is protecting someone you love or care about worth hurting someone else? The answer this time, however, is undefined.
In the case that someone is pointing a gun at your mom, by all means, smack him on the back of the head with a frying pan. But when it comes to emotional protection, how far do you go? I am no psychologist. I am no counselor. I am a loyal friend and a fierce fighter for my loved ones. I just told Jasper to abandon the movie plan because he's still hung up on Mickie. I told him that unless he is fully committed to the idea of dedicating all of his time to Bennie, then forget it. I told him I wasn't going to help him pry Mickie away from Bentley because if he wants her bad enough, he should grow the balls to do it himself. I think that if he loves her so much, he should just LET HER BE HAPPY. But I know he won't listen. I know he's going to find some way to get into Bennie's heart and then break it three months later when he tells her that he's still not over Mickie. Hopefully he'll have the sense to leave out Mickie's name. But that's exactly the same thing I did to Victor, my first real boyfriend. (See "My Love Life Part 3: Victor Hausen") I was still kind of hung up on Freddy and Aaron and I strung him along for almost three months. For what? I cried my eyes out because I felt horrible for using a perfectly nice guy. Victor went into a deep funk because he thought everything I had told him was a lie, and Aaron and Freddy felt guilty that they were the cause of so much unhappiness. I hurt four people in one blow. And Jasper is about to do the same. So I felt I had to do something. Otherwise the guilt would torment me for years to come.
I still don't know how far you go to protect someone. But I know I'll go as far as it takes for no one to get hurt. And if I hurt someone in the process, I have failed. I like to think I am a selfless person in one respect: I will protect anyone I love with everything that I have, but if I save someone else from pain even if it causes my heart to suffer, I will live with it. I will sacrifice my own pleasure, for the most part, for someone else, or even more than one, to find love and happiness. And I'd like to think that my reprimand of Jasper helped someone. Maybe not me, maybe not him, but maybe Bennie, Mickie, and Bentley. I won't know until I receive that hysterical phone call/brother in my room if I have helped anyone.
But I hope I did.
Hugz
HM
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Bentley
Greetings.
I am so very pissed off. Just because Bentley is the baby doesn't mean that he should be pampered when he is sick. Bentley has a violent cough. That's it. A cough. I admit, he gets sick VERY often due to the fact that he's missing two of the three major immunoglobins in his blood, but this time it's getting on my nerves. He. Has. A. Freaking. Cough.
In January, I stayed home from school for over a week and a half with the stomach flu AND an upper respiratory infection. Bev didn't stay up with me while I was coughing and vomiting. Bev didn't take me to the doctor until six days after I got sick. (I was sick for eleven days.) Neither Dad nor Bev stayed home to take care of me even though I was too weak to get up except every few hours to go to the restroom. I had a 101.8 degree fever. I deserved some pampering. They gave me a Gatorade and a "Get well soon!" and left me to fend for myself.
BENTLEY, on the other hand, has been coughing, just coughing, for the last week. He's been to the doctor twice. He's on five different medicines. Bev stayed up all last night with him. He has no fever. But he seems to be well enough to go to rehearsal and school. It. Isn't. Fair. I was dying and I get avoided because Bev and Bentley have low constitutions. But Bev has no problem with exposing herself to a virus for her younger son. She makes him breakfast in bed. She fluffs pillows. She kicks me out of the room in the middle of a new NCIS episode that I had been waiting to see so Bentley could sit and cough in the chair I had been sitting in and watch a different show. I am tired of taking a back seat to Bentley. He always gets his way. Seriously, he's Ross and I'm Monica from FRIENDS (omg I love that show) and I am sick of it! He has a COUGH. He has a cough which gets tended to right away. I was dying for six days before I went to see a doctor. I was hurling the first four and coughing and hacking and generally not being able to do anything except sleep on the couch and cry for the rest of the time. I couldn't speak. Yet he can sing, go to school, and go to rehearsal and they're making a HUGE deal over a COUGH. I have the strong constitution! Shouldn't it be more of a tragedy when *I* get sick??????? I mean something strong enough to bring ME down is BAD but no one wanted to come near me except long enough for me to cry at them or give me more Gatorade. I was suffering and no one helped me fore six days. Bentley starts coughing and they rush him to our doctor the next day. IT'S NO FREAKING FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and another thing. Bentley is the youngest so that means he got Dad and Uncle Sam's great metabolism. So what does Bev do? She rewards him with CHOCOLATE CAKE BATTER. Like three bowls a day. I am SO not kidding. Meanwhile, I'm working my butt off (literally) at the gym, eating rabbit food (salads), and eating diet snacks. And when I tell Bev that that's not right and that's she's being completely biased, unfair, and just plain mean, she acts all innocent and CLAIMS SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO TIRED OF BENTLEY GETTING HIS WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE GETS EVERYTHING HE WANTS!!!!!!!!!!! MEANWHILE, I CAN'T EVEN GET THE THINGS I PUT ON THE WISH LIST THAT BEV AND NANA ASK FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to liv somewhere else... somewhere where I'm the only child. Or at least the baby. I am tired of being treated as a butler, chauffeur, and second-rate citizen. I want equality. But when I ask for it, no one gives. So either I force it, petition (yeah, one signature's going to do me a lot of good), or move out.
Tearz
HM
I am so very pissed off. Just because Bentley is the baby doesn't mean that he should be pampered when he is sick. Bentley has a violent cough. That's it. A cough. I admit, he gets sick VERY often due to the fact that he's missing two of the three major immunoglobins in his blood, but this time it's getting on my nerves. He. Has. A. Freaking. Cough.
In January, I stayed home from school for over a week and a half with the stomach flu AND an upper respiratory infection. Bev didn't stay up with me while I was coughing and vomiting. Bev didn't take me to the doctor until six days after I got sick. (I was sick for eleven days.) Neither Dad nor Bev stayed home to take care of me even though I was too weak to get up except every few hours to go to the restroom. I had a 101.8 degree fever. I deserved some pampering. They gave me a Gatorade and a "Get well soon!" and left me to fend for myself.
BENTLEY, on the other hand, has been coughing, just coughing, for the last week. He's been to the doctor twice. He's on five different medicines. Bev stayed up all last night with him. He has no fever. But he seems to be well enough to go to rehearsal and school. It. Isn't. Fair. I was dying and I get avoided because Bev and Bentley have low constitutions. But Bev has no problem with exposing herself to a virus for her younger son. She makes him breakfast in bed. She fluffs pillows. She kicks me out of the room in the middle of a new NCIS episode that I had been waiting to see so Bentley could sit and cough in the chair I had been sitting in and watch a different show. I am tired of taking a back seat to Bentley. He always gets his way. Seriously, he's Ross and I'm Monica from FRIENDS (omg I love that show) and I am sick of it! He has a COUGH. He has a cough which gets tended to right away. I was dying for six days before I went to see a doctor. I was hurling the first four and coughing and hacking and generally not being able to do anything except sleep on the couch and cry for the rest of the time. I couldn't speak. Yet he can sing, go to school, and go to rehearsal and they're making a HUGE deal over a COUGH. I have the strong constitution! Shouldn't it be more of a tragedy when *I* get sick??????? I mean something strong enough to bring ME down is BAD but no one wanted to come near me except long enough for me to cry at them or give me more Gatorade. I was suffering and no one helped me fore six days. Bentley starts coughing and they rush him to our doctor the next day. IT'S NO FREAKING FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and another thing. Bentley is the youngest so that means he got Dad and Uncle Sam's great metabolism. So what does Bev do? She rewards him with CHOCOLATE CAKE BATTER. Like three bowls a day. I am SO not kidding. Meanwhile, I'm working my butt off (literally) at the gym, eating rabbit food (salads), and eating diet snacks. And when I tell Bev that that's not right and that's she's being completely biased, unfair, and just plain mean, she acts all innocent and CLAIMS SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO TIRED OF BENTLEY GETTING HIS WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE GETS EVERYTHING HE WANTS!!!!!!!!!!! MEANWHILE, I CAN'T EVEN GET THE THINGS I PUT ON THE WISH LIST THAT BEV AND NANA ASK FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to liv somewhere else... somewhere where I'm the only child. Or at least the baby. I am tired of being treated as a butler, chauffeur, and second-rate citizen. I want equality. But when I ask for it, no one gives. So either I force it, petition (yeah, one signature's going to do me a lot of good), or move out.
Tearz
HM
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Theater
Greetings.
I happen to be an actress, singer, and a dancer (when I focus REALLY hard on the choreography). And I have even won an award for one of my roles. (I played a man. How humiliating is that?) But what I'd really like to discuss in this post are my friends from theater.
Bentley also participates in the shows. As do Jasper and Joseph. In fact, that's how Joseph and I met. I kept stealing his hat when he played John in PETER PAN. Anyways, there are more people in theater. Claire met her first serious boyfriend Kenny Harris in the same show I played a man in. She was one of my employees and he was the minion of my enemy.
Then we have Kenny Gordon. He is a friend of mine from when I was the Witch in INTO THE WOODS. He played Cinderella's father. Claire played an old Hag, Joseph played the Mysterious Man, and Jasper was the Narrator. In INTO THE WOODS, I met this WAAAAAAAAAAY hyper happy peppy preppy girl named Hillary Newcombe. She played Little Red Riding Hood. She's nice and everything but she's so ANNOYING. But not even Bentley saw it. In fact he and Hillary "dated" for a little while. (He's 13 and she's 12. I think they're crazy.) Then there's Mickie Phineas. She's one of the sweetest girls in the world and she's one of those girls that attract all the guys without even trying. She's dated Kenny (Harris, Claire's ex) and she has also attracted Bentley and Jasper. Sheesh, this girl has amazing powers. There are a lot of others, like Donna Pickett, the prima donna and most popular theater girl in our troupe. And then there's Brady Grayson, the most popular guy who gets all the big parts even though he can't remember his lines, be it song or acting, to save his life. Nice guy, not so bright upstairs.
Anyways, when I have more to update, I will. In fact my troupe is doing ALICE IN WONDERLAND (based on the new movie, I think, according to Jasper) during the summer. I want to be the Red Queen!!! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Hugz
HM
I happen to be an actress, singer, and a dancer (when I focus REALLY hard on the choreography). And I have even won an award for one of my roles. (I played a man. How humiliating is that?) But what I'd really like to discuss in this post are my friends from theater.
Bentley also participates in the shows. As do Jasper and Joseph. In fact, that's how Joseph and I met. I kept stealing his hat when he played John in PETER PAN. Anyways, there are more people in theater. Claire met her first serious boyfriend Kenny Harris in the same show I played a man in. She was one of my employees and he was the minion of my enemy.
Then we have Kenny Gordon. He is a friend of mine from when I was the Witch in INTO THE WOODS. He played Cinderella's father. Claire played an old Hag, Joseph played the Mysterious Man, and Jasper was the Narrator. In INTO THE WOODS, I met this WAAAAAAAAAAY hyper happy peppy preppy girl named Hillary Newcombe. She played Little Red Riding Hood. She's nice and everything but she's so ANNOYING. But not even Bentley saw it. In fact he and Hillary "dated" for a little while. (He's 13 and she's 12. I think they're crazy.) Then there's Mickie Phineas. She's one of the sweetest girls in the world and she's one of those girls that attract all the guys without even trying. She's dated Kenny (Harris, Claire's ex) and she has also attracted Bentley and Jasper. Sheesh, this girl has amazing powers. There are a lot of others, like Donna Pickett, the prima donna and most popular theater girl in our troupe. And then there's Brady Grayson, the most popular guy who gets all the big parts even though he can't remember his lines, be it song or acting, to save his life. Nice guy, not so bright upstairs.
Anyways, when I have more to update, I will. In fact my troupe is doing ALICE IN WONDERLAND (based on the new movie, I think, according to Jasper) during the summer. I want to be the Red Queen!!! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Hugz
HM
Thursday, April 1, 2010
A Day with Bentley
Greetings.
As some of you may know, I have a little brother, whose name, like mine, is extremely long and weird. His full name is Bartholomew Horatio Montgomery Walker-Lowell. But when I was little and he came home from the hospital, I couldn't say that. I said "Bentley". And so the name just stuck and now everyone knows him as Bentley. It even says on his school ID "Bentley Walker". (He, like I did, dropped the Lowell.)
Well anyways, my little brother is much more attractive than I am. And what do you do when you're attractive? You go to Hollywood to act. And since we don't live in LA, he spends a LOT of time on the commute. So I never get to see him. But today I had my little brother all to myself. We went out for a few hours. I took him to Game Stop where he bought BIOSHOCK and I got a new charger for my DS Lite because I lost my old one. Then we went to Jamba Juice (yum!) and then we had lunch at IHOP. When we got home, we played a little bit of BIOSHOCK until we decided we needed a break. (And by the way, when I say "we" played it, he played it while I watched and advised.)
But yeah, I had a good day.
Also, I talked to Joseph. He was the one who advised me to get Bentley BIOSHOCK in the first place. He told me the whole story at school. It sounded so fascinating that I bought it for Bentley.
Anyways, I had a lot of fun with my little brother today. =) Love you, Bentley.
Hugz
HM
As some of you may know, I have a little brother, whose name, like mine, is extremely long and weird. His full name is Bartholomew Horatio Montgomery Walker-Lowell. But when I was little and he came home from the hospital, I couldn't say that. I said "Bentley". And so the name just stuck and now everyone knows him as Bentley. It even says on his school ID "Bentley Walker". (He, like I did, dropped the Lowell.)
Well anyways, my little brother is much more attractive than I am. And what do you do when you're attractive? You go to Hollywood to act. And since we don't live in LA, he spends a LOT of time on the commute. So I never get to see him. But today I had my little brother all to myself. We went out for a few hours. I took him to Game Stop where he bought BIOSHOCK and I got a new charger for my DS Lite because I lost my old one. Then we went to Jamba Juice (yum!) and then we had lunch at IHOP. When we got home, we played a little bit of BIOSHOCK until we decided we needed a break. (And by the way, when I say "we" played it, he played it while I watched and advised.)
But yeah, I had a good day.
Also, I talked to Joseph. He was the one who advised me to get Bentley BIOSHOCK in the first place. He told me the whole story at school. It sounded so fascinating that I bought it for Bentley.
Anyways, I had a lot of fun with my little brother today. =) Love you, Bentley.
Hugz
HM
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