Greetings.
I don't know if I am going to be writing on this blog again. I... feel it is futile. As cathartic as this is, I need something more stable. And maybe someday I will write on this again. But... I need to leave. I need... closure.
My emotional distress is not new, but this one is... one of the most distressing things I have had to deal with in my entire life. I don't want to get up in the mornings. I don't want to talk to people sometimes. But I do both of those things because I have to.
Joseph is in love with someone else and has been for a LONG time. I have no chance against her. She is kind, smart, beautiful... everything any sensible human being would want. I have no shot whatsoever. And I truly do wish I had never met him. Because since he told me, he has been avoiding me. I went to rehearsal for a new show my troupe is doing and he didn't even say hi to me. He walked up to a friend of ours who was standing next to me and just started talking to him, pretty much ignoring me. He didn't speak to me until he absolutely had to and I don't even remember why.
I am losing my best friend. This is just what I had feared. They're all gone. I want to crawl into a hole and die. I haven't seen Bennie in weeks. I have lost all contact with Joss. Joseph...
I still email Ally every day and I see Claire all the time. But... I love them. They are precious to me. And now they're leaving me. I HATE GOODBYES! I never wanted them to leave! I want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
Goodbye, Internet. I'll miss you. Possibly for a while.
Showing posts with label Ally. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ally. Show all posts
Friday, July 1, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Nothing's Going Right
Greetings.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MY BLOG! WHEEEEEEE! I STARTED ON FRIDAY MARCH 26, 2010! WOW, IT'S BEEN AN INTERESTING YEAR! WAHOO!
Okay, time for the depressing stuff. As the intelligent ones among you readers can guess by the title, things are not going so hot for me. Let's start off with the easy one: I am sick. Not throwing-up-sick anymore, but I have a throat infection (though to me it feels like something else, but, hey, I can't see my own throat because I don't have a flashlight that small) and IT HURTS LIKE A @&^$(&@)&#$)^&)(*^&@(*^(*@*#$*^&@^^@*^$#&^*@&*(#*^^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Obviously, I didn't really curse, but you get the idea.)
The sad part is, and I know I have addressed this a MILLION times before, that none of my sisters nor my best friend have called to ask me what's wrong. Bennie did last week on Thursday, but there was nothing on Wednesday. I went to school on Friday - had a choir festival, kicked MAJOR WELLER PREPARATORY ACADEMY SAILORS' BUTT! - but felt sick by the end. I stayed in bed from Saturday to today. I didn't go to church yesterday. (It's Monday @ 11:54 when I am writing this part.) Joseph didn't call, nor did Petrie, but I didn't expect him to. Today, I got a text from Chase and then a reply from an earlier text message I sent to William. THAT'S IT! THAT'S ALL THE CONSIDERATION I GET WHEN I AM SICK! I shall have you know, I always make an effort to call, visit, email excessively, or, at the least, text insanely until I know every detail and diagnosis of their illness. I was worried sick when Ally tore her ACL, but, because she was always so busy, I could never visit. Not for lack of trying; I asked at least once a day. And when Claire was sick, I called her three times to check on her. Joseph? I took home after school and then I stopped by Jackson's and got him a piece of cake. Joss? Bennie? Texts, calls, the whole shebang. They just live a whole lot farther than the others otherwise I would have visited. I'd do the same for Chase and the rest but Chase has never been sick in the short time I've known him and the others I call and do whatever the second I hear about them because I don't see them on a daily basis.
But me? Nah. Maybe I'd just be better off if I just left for a while. It's not like people notice. And you want to know the saddest part? When Nana and I went to the doctor today, I was praying that I had tonsillitis so that I could have my tonsils out. Why? Maybe people would notice a major surgery, the fact that I couldn't talk, the legal pad or white board in my hands. (Okay, now it's Tuesday @ 12:03. Just so you know.) Whenever I get sick, I think of this one story I read in CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL FOR TEENS.
This girl was invisible at her high school, or so she felt. Always alone, no one spoke to her and she spoke to no one. I can't remember, but she was in between the ages of 15 and 17. One day, they diagnose her with ovarian cancer. She had her hysterectomy and suddenly she started to realize that people hadn't been shunning her; she had been shunning them. Whenever I get sick, I pray for it to be major so that I can have that happen to me. I know it's completely shallow and terrible and really REALLY pathetic, but that's what happens. Can you blame me? No one notices me when I'm well and not even my sisters/best friend notice when I'm sick. Which is sadder?
Oh, I forgot, there's worse news. Poppy, the man who is spending all of his money on me (and Bentley a little bit too, but not as much) is in the hospital with not only pneumonia BUT ALSO AN ANEURYSM IN ONE OF HIS MAJOR VEINS. Yeah, that's right. They wouldn't have noticed the aneurysm had he not gone in for pneumonia! He could have died! Dad's kind of shaking and he's been keeping close tabs on his half-brother, Dewey, and half-sister-in-law, Lara, for updates. I'm scared. This is why I hate people spending money on me. What if I never get to tell them thank you or pay them back? I want to talk to Poppy, but he's in ICU. Dad says he's fine and that the only thing he's complaining about is that he doesn't have his laptop to manage his stocks.
But I keep dwelling. He's a Christian Scientist and has been since his last wife, Nim, or Helena, died of pancreatic cancer about three years ago. He wouldn't even be in the hospital now if it weren't for Lara. She's monitoring him constantly and making sure he follows orders. I'm scared. I'm sorry, but I am. If you think it's wimpy of me to get all weepy about this, BACK THE HELL OFF. I am PMSing, I am sick, and I almost lost my grandfather. And for those of you heartless jerks out there who think I want his money? Shame on you. Then again, it's not my place to lay judgment.
GOD will punish you.
Hugz
HM
Dedicated to all of those frightened or suffering for a loved one. And everyone who is sick right this second. God bless.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MY BLOG! WHEEEEEEE! I STARTED ON FRIDAY MARCH 26, 2010! WOW, IT'S BEEN AN INTERESTING YEAR! WAHOO!
Okay, time for the depressing stuff. As the intelligent ones among you readers can guess by the title, things are not going so hot for me. Let's start off with the easy one: I am sick. Not throwing-up-sick anymore, but I have a throat infection (though to me it feels like something else, but, hey, I can't see my own throat because I don't have a flashlight that small) and IT HURTS LIKE A @&^$(&@)&#$)^&)(*^&@(*^(*@*#$*^&@^^@*^$#&^*@&*(#*^^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Obviously, I didn't really curse, but you get the idea.)
The sad part is, and I know I have addressed this a MILLION times before, that none of my sisters nor my best friend have called to ask me what's wrong. Bennie did last week on Thursday, but there was nothing on Wednesday. I went to school on Friday - had a choir festival, kicked MAJOR WELLER PREPARATORY ACADEMY SAILORS' BUTT! - but felt sick by the end. I stayed in bed from Saturday to today. I didn't go to church yesterday. (It's Monday @ 11:54 when I am writing this part.) Joseph didn't call, nor did Petrie, but I didn't expect him to. Today, I got a text from Chase and then a reply from an earlier text message I sent to William. THAT'S IT! THAT'S ALL THE CONSIDERATION I GET WHEN I AM SICK! I shall have you know, I always make an effort to call, visit, email excessively, or, at the least, text insanely until I know every detail and diagnosis of their illness. I was worried sick when Ally tore her ACL, but, because she was always so busy, I could never visit. Not for lack of trying; I asked at least once a day. And when Claire was sick, I called her three times to check on her. Joseph? I took home after school and then I stopped by Jackson's and got him a piece of cake. Joss? Bennie? Texts, calls, the whole shebang. They just live a whole lot farther than the others otherwise I would have visited. I'd do the same for Chase and the rest but Chase has never been sick in the short time I've known him and the others I call and do whatever the second I hear about them because I don't see them on a daily basis.
But me? Nah. Maybe I'd just be better off if I just left for a while. It's not like people notice. And you want to know the saddest part? When Nana and I went to the doctor today, I was praying that I had tonsillitis so that I could have my tonsils out. Why? Maybe people would notice a major surgery, the fact that I couldn't talk, the legal pad or white board in my hands. (Okay, now it's Tuesday @ 12:03. Just so you know.) Whenever I get sick, I think of this one story I read in CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL FOR TEENS.
This girl was invisible at her high school, or so she felt. Always alone, no one spoke to her and she spoke to no one. I can't remember, but she was in between the ages of 15 and 17. One day, they diagnose her with ovarian cancer. She had her hysterectomy and suddenly she started to realize that people hadn't been shunning her; she had been shunning them. Whenever I get sick, I pray for it to be major so that I can have that happen to me. I know it's completely shallow and terrible and really REALLY pathetic, but that's what happens. Can you blame me? No one notices me when I'm well and not even my sisters/best friend notice when I'm sick. Which is sadder?
Oh, I forgot, there's worse news. Poppy, the man who is spending all of his money on me (and Bentley a little bit too, but not as much) is in the hospital with not only pneumonia BUT ALSO AN ANEURYSM IN ONE OF HIS MAJOR VEINS. Yeah, that's right. They wouldn't have noticed the aneurysm had he not gone in for pneumonia! He could have died! Dad's kind of shaking and he's been keeping close tabs on his half-brother, Dewey, and half-sister-in-law, Lara, for updates. I'm scared. This is why I hate people spending money on me. What if I never get to tell them thank you or pay them back? I want to talk to Poppy, but he's in ICU. Dad says he's fine and that the only thing he's complaining about is that he doesn't have his laptop to manage his stocks.
But I keep dwelling. He's a Christian Scientist and has been since his last wife, Nim, or Helena, died of pancreatic cancer about three years ago. He wouldn't even be in the hospital now if it weren't for Lara. She's monitoring him constantly and making sure he follows orders. I'm scared. I'm sorry, but I am. If you think it's wimpy of me to get all weepy about this, BACK THE HELL OFF. I am PMSing, I am sick, and I almost lost my grandfather. And for those of you heartless jerks out there who think I want his money? Shame on you. Then again, it's not my place to lay judgment.
GOD will punish you.
Hugz
HM
Dedicated to all of those frightened or suffering for a loved one. And everyone who is sick right this second. God bless.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Life... And What We Must Put Up With In It
Greetings.
Life sucks. Anyone else notice this? Of course you do, who hasn't? That's the harder question. Right now, I am going to give you a few tips on how to live life. Or not. It all depends on you. (That's not the first tip, but you can take it or leave it.)
1) If you're happy now, keep being happy for as long as you can. Example: Claire and Jean-Luc broke up again earlier today, 2/28. I don't know if I told you all or not but Jean-Luc dumped Claire in January so he could date another girl (DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!) and I was pissed. Claire was depressed, I could tell, despite her facade. She can't fool me. And I don't care if I get reamed out by her for this, but I have to say it: she should not have taken him back. He started dating Lizzie Gomez LESS THAN A WEEK after he and she broke up. I really was pissed, as were most of her friends, especially Ernie and William. (Moral I could care less about.) Well, about a month ago, she took him back. And earlier today, they broke up again. Why? "It was inevitable" was pretty much the only valid reason she gave me. THAT'S NUTS! That's like saying, "It's inevitable that we're all going to die, so why don't we all go kill ourselves?" BE HAPPY. AS LONG AS YOU CAN, UNLESS IT'S ABSOLUTELY NOT AN OPTION, BE FRICKING HAPPY.
2) Expect the unexpected.
3) Learn when to stop. Example: Joseph was in our theater troupe's performance of PINOCCHIO and boy was he the cutest Gepetto that ever walked the earth. He was also the only one with an Italian accent. Well, for some reason, Joseph doesn't like to sing, or at least he only sings "when he feels like it". But he sang "When You Wish Upon A Star" at the end of the show with the rest of the cast and I could hear him because his microphone was up. Now, I hounded this all day at lunch today, singing lines from the song in a helium voice so he would try to gag me, smush my face, and get play mad at me in general. I can tell when he's really mad; no one is safe. But when he's play mad - which means he's really enjoying the attention that I give him, but I'm still kind of annoying him, a talent I have - he does things like try to stop me. I know when to stop. Usually it's after the chorus, but today I was tired so I quit early. ;)
4) Laugh. At EVERY opportunity. It's a blessing to laugh, a release. It's better than blogging. Ha ha. Here's the last one.
5) Learn how to say goodbye and hello. This is the lesson I have the most problems with. I can't say goodbye. I still have BARBIES from when I was three. I am a pack rat, but that's not really what I mean. Here's the example: Allyson, my hero and my oldest friend, is leaving, going 1,200 miles southwest to a little-not-so-little college called USC. Now, I hardly see her as is, what with her supremely busy schedule. But I can't fly 1200 miles to dye Easter eggs, exchange birthday/Christmas presents (by the way, yes, I still have her Christmas presents), go trick-or-treating, or just hang out and talk with her. She is my guiding light, my Clarence the Angel, my Jiminy Cricket. And now I have to say goodbye for God knows how long. There isn't much here in East Westerfield to bring her back and I'm planning on staying here. What am I going to do? I am terrible with goodbyes; I blubber worse than a baby. And now I'm going to have to say goodbye to Allyson Vivian Clay, who is practically my sister, for I don't know how long.
And you know what scares me the most? I'm scared that she, and all of my other friends - Joseph, Bennie, Joss, Claire - will go away and never come back for me.
Okay, I have GOT to stop now. I'm crying.
Hugz
HM
Life sucks. Anyone else notice this? Of course you do, who hasn't? That's the harder question. Right now, I am going to give you a few tips on how to live life. Or not. It all depends on you. (That's not the first tip, but you can take it or leave it.)
1) If you're happy now, keep being happy for as long as you can. Example: Claire and Jean-Luc broke up again earlier today, 2/28. I don't know if I told you all or not but Jean-Luc dumped Claire in January so he could date another girl (DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!) and I was pissed. Claire was depressed, I could tell, despite her facade. She can't fool me. And I don't care if I get reamed out by her for this, but I have to say it: she should not have taken him back. He started dating Lizzie Gomez LESS THAN A WEEK after he and she broke up. I really was pissed, as were most of her friends, especially Ernie and William. (Moral I could care less about.) Well, about a month ago, she took him back. And earlier today, they broke up again. Why? "It was inevitable" was pretty much the only valid reason she gave me. THAT'S NUTS! That's like saying, "It's inevitable that we're all going to die, so why don't we all go kill ourselves?" BE HAPPY. AS LONG AS YOU CAN, UNLESS IT'S ABSOLUTELY NOT AN OPTION, BE FRICKING HAPPY.
2) Expect the unexpected.
3) Learn when to stop. Example: Joseph was in our theater troupe's performance of PINOCCHIO and boy was he the cutest Gepetto that ever walked the earth. He was also the only one with an Italian accent. Well, for some reason, Joseph doesn't like to sing, or at least he only sings "when he feels like it". But he sang "When You Wish Upon A Star" at the end of the show with the rest of the cast and I could hear him because his microphone was up. Now, I hounded this all day at lunch today, singing lines from the song in a helium voice so he would try to gag me, smush my face, and get play mad at me in general. I can tell when he's really mad; no one is safe. But when he's play mad - which means he's really enjoying the attention that I give him, but I'm still kind of annoying him, a talent I have - he does things like try to stop me. I know when to stop. Usually it's after the chorus, but today I was tired so I quit early. ;)
4) Laugh. At EVERY opportunity. It's a blessing to laugh, a release. It's better than blogging. Ha ha. Here's the last one.
5) Learn how to say goodbye and hello. This is the lesson I have the most problems with. I can't say goodbye. I still have BARBIES from when I was three. I am a pack rat, but that's not really what I mean. Here's the example: Allyson, my hero and my oldest friend, is leaving, going 1,200 miles southwest to a little-not-so-little college called USC. Now, I hardly see her as is, what with her supremely busy schedule. But I can't fly 1200 miles to dye Easter eggs, exchange birthday/Christmas presents (by the way, yes, I still have her Christmas presents), go trick-or-treating, or just hang out and talk with her. She is my guiding light, my Clarence the Angel, my Jiminy Cricket. And now I have to say goodbye for God knows how long. There isn't much here in East Westerfield to bring her back and I'm planning on staying here. What am I going to do? I am terrible with goodbyes; I blubber worse than a baby. And now I'm going to have to say goodbye to Allyson Vivian Clay, who is practically my sister, for I don't know how long.
And you know what scares me the most? I'm scared that she, and all of my other friends - Joseph, Bennie, Joss, Claire - will go away and never come back for me.
Okay, I have GOT to stop now. I'm crying.
Hugz
HM
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Poppy's Present
Greetings.
Yeah, I guess I haven't posted in a while. I could say I was busy, but that would kind of be a lie. I mean, I had stuff to do, but I wasn't BUSY busy. I think it might have been that I haven't had much to report. I went to formal (YUCK) and I had no fun. Allyson got a full-ride scholarship to USC. I'm proud of her, but I wish she'd stay close. I'm staying in East Westerfield, going to the community college and then to University of Mary. Sigh... I don't want her to go, but I want her to. I really hate this emotion. Yuck.
BUT ANYWAYS. My mixed emotions about my oldest friend's college choices is NOT why you are reading this. You want to know what Poppy's present is. Well, here it is: a bright red 2011 Chevy Raptor with two extra wheels on the back. Hell, yes. HELL, YES! My gosh, this thing is amazing! I LOVE the bigness! When I drive down the street, GUYS SWERVE THEIR HEADS AROUND AND LOOK AT MY CAR! AWOOOOOOOO!!! (insert Tim Allen grunt here) I feel amazing! And you know how I named my other little green car Kermit?
Well, there is only one name for my monster. ANIMAL! ANIMAL! AH AH AH!!! Hells, yes, this thing is amazing and it's all MINE!!!!!!!!!
Sorry. I just wanted to brag about my new truck. Oh, and another thing:
I'M BACK AND BADDER THAN EVER! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Hugz
HM
Yeah, I guess I haven't posted in a while. I could say I was busy, but that would kind of be a lie. I mean, I had stuff to do, but I wasn't BUSY busy. I think it might have been that I haven't had much to report. I went to formal (YUCK) and I had no fun. Allyson got a full-ride scholarship to USC. I'm proud of her, but I wish she'd stay close. I'm staying in East Westerfield, going to the community college and then to University of Mary. Sigh... I don't want her to go, but I want her to. I really hate this emotion. Yuck.
BUT ANYWAYS. My mixed emotions about my oldest friend's college choices is NOT why you are reading this. You want to know what Poppy's present is. Well, here it is: a bright red 2011 Chevy Raptor with two extra wheels on the back. Hell, yes. HELL, YES! My gosh, this thing is amazing! I LOVE the bigness! When I drive down the street, GUYS SWERVE THEIR HEADS AROUND AND LOOK AT MY CAR! AWOOOOOOOO!!! (insert Tim Allen grunt here) I feel amazing! And you know how I named my other little green car Kermit?
Well, there is only one name for my monster. ANIMAL! ANIMAL! AH AH AH!!! Hells, yes, this thing is amazing and it's all MINE!!!!!!!!!
Sorry. I just wanted to brag about my new truck. Oh, and another thing:
I'M BACK AND BADDER THAN EVER! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Hugz
HM
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Those Precious Moments
Greetings.
"To err is human." I don't know who said it, but I put it in this blog post for two reasons. 1) It's an awesome quote and I just wanted to use it. And 2) it's one hundred percent true.
Okay, as you guessed by the title, erring has nothing to do with what I want to talk about. It's just a cool quote. But you know those little moments in life that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside when you think about them? Yeah, I don't have a whole lot of them from recent years. I mean, some people can find at least one a day. I'm lucky if I find one once a month. Okay, sure, I love my friends and all very much, but I only get to see them for 40 minutes a day at lunch unless we work really hard to see each other. So my memory possibilities are very limited. Then I have my family, who does their own thing and leaves me alone for a lot of the time. Either that, or they just start yelling at me for no good reason and- okay, no, I am not going to get mad today.
So basically, those happy little moments are fairly scarce. But I have had a few that I would like to share with you.
Exhibit A:
Joseph, Claire, Bennie, Ernie, and our friend Todd Harvey (no relation to my psycho ex-one-date-guy/ex-friend) were sitting behind the band room at our school waiting for Todd's mom to pick Ernie, Todd, and Joseph up. I have been sick for about a week and I was feeling particularly crappy yesterday - not just because of that but also I hadn't had a single thing to eat that day - so I pulled Joseph closer to me and laid my head on his shoulder. He didn't make me move it. In fact, when I informed him that I hadn't eaten all day (I had been super busy at lunch so I didn't see him, nor did I get lunch, duh) he tried to make me eat a Rice Krispie Treat, which I hate, but his heart was in the right place. And he let me lay on his shoulder until Mrs. Harvey picked them up. I noticed Bennie and Claire were giggling over something so I stole the iPod I had seen them giggling at and read it. It was about how Joseph and I looked so cute together. I felt good, but still sick and hungry.
Exhibit B:
Any time I see Ally. I hardly ever see her and I miss her dreadfully. So every time I see her, I feel great and I don't miss her anymore. That is until she leaves. WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!
Exhibit C: (I am not going to say anymore after this one)
The time in the car I have with my brother Bentley. When we talk or sing songs, I feel great. He and I don't get a lot of time together - he's a studly young guy and has a girlfriend as well as a show to do - so the little time I do, it's great.
While those aren't the only ones, these are some of the best examples. I love my friends and my brother. And I can tolerate my parents sometimes. But these are some of my favorite examples. (Also, pretty much any moment with Joseph counts.) ;)
Hugz
HM
"To err is human." I don't know who said it, but I put it in this blog post for two reasons. 1) It's an awesome quote and I just wanted to use it. And 2) it's one hundred percent true.
Okay, as you guessed by the title, erring has nothing to do with what I want to talk about. It's just a cool quote. But you know those little moments in life that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside when you think about them? Yeah, I don't have a whole lot of them from recent years. I mean, some people can find at least one a day. I'm lucky if I find one once a month. Okay, sure, I love my friends and all very much, but I only get to see them for 40 minutes a day at lunch unless we work really hard to see each other. So my memory possibilities are very limited. Then I have my family, who does their own thing and leaves me alone for a lot of the time. Either that, or they just start yelling at me for no good reason and- okay, no, I am not going to get mad today.
So basically, those happy little moments are fairly scarce. But I have had a few that I would like to share with you.
Exhibit A:
Joseph, Claire, Bennie, Ernie, and our friend Todd Harvey (no relation to my psycho ex-one-date-guy/ex-friend) were sitting behind the band room at our school waiting for Todd's mom to pick Ernie, Todd, and Joseph up. I have been sick for about a week and I was feeling particularly crappy yesterday - not just because of that but also I hadn't had a single thing to eat that day - so I pulled Joseph closer to me and laid my head on his shoulder. He didn't make me move it. In fact, when I informed him that I hadn't eaten all day (I had been super busy at lunch so I didn't see him, nor did I get lunch, duh) he tried to make me eat a Rice Krispie Treat, which I hate, but his heart was in the right place. And he let me lay on his shoulder until Mrs. Harvey picked them up. I noticed Bennie and Claire were giggling over something so I stole the iPod I had seen them giggling at and read it. It was about how Joseph and I looked so cute together. I felt good, but still sick and hungry.
Exhibit B:
Any time I see Ally. I hardly ever see her and I miss her dreadfully. So every time I see her, I feel great and I don't miss her anymore. That is until she leaves. WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!
Exhibit C: (I am not going to say anymore after this one)
The time in the car I have with my brother Bentley. When we talk or sing songs, I feel great. He and I don't get a lot of time together - he's a studly young guy and has a girlfriend as well as a show to do - so the little time I do, it's great.
While those aren't the only ones, these are some of the best examples. I love my friends and my brother. And I can tolerate my parents sometimes. But these are some of my favorite examples. (Also, pretty much any moment with Joseph counts.) ;)
Hugz
HM
Friday, December 31, 2010
New Year's Apology (With a Resolution In There Somewhere)
Greetings.
Sorry I have not posted in a while. My email with Ally was down and she's the main reader of my blog, Claire a close second. I didn't see a point in posting for no one. Plus, I have been kind of bust. Not a lot, except for finals (easy), but busy enough. Speaking of school, I am bummed that vacation went by so fast and I STILL haven't started reading GREAT EXPECTATIONS. It just means a buttload of work when I get back to school and I hate that. Poop.
Anyways, Christmas was kind of bittersweet. I got to see Josie and Jeremy and Uncle Sam and (ugh) Aunt Gertie at dinner a few days beforehand and I spent all day Christmas Day with Josie and Jeremy. I love my little cousins, they are so cute. And I had my family - Bev, Dad, Bentley, Sam, Gertie, Josie, Jeremy, Gertie's dad Lorenzo, Josephine, Nana, and Gramps. But the bitter part: I got five items, out of thirty, that I wanted. That's not even twenty percent. It's like Nana and Bev are TRYING not to listen to me and they do a really great job. I know, I know, "HM, you should be thankful that you even GET presents! Think about those kids in Uganda who are dying!"
Screw you. I want my fricking presents. (Though I did donate my entire bank account - what little was left, about two hundred bucks - to the Invisible Children fund AND I made one of those Samaritan's Purse boxes. So stuff it.)
I threw Claire a surprise party yesterday. Her birthday is three days after Christmas so she rarely gets a party. We went to this karaoke restaurant that she loves - we call it the "NASCAR Bar" because of the rednecks - and surprised her so badly that she screamed. I just told her that Joseph, Ernie, and William were taking her to dinner for her birthday and we did technically but I think she peed her pants with surprise. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! She loved it. And, through the magic of Facebook (yes, we have Internet in South Dakota too!), I managed to get some of her friends that she hasn't seen in forever.
Speaking of people someone hasn't seen in forever, JAKE MICHAELS CAME TO TOWN! I don't know if I said anything much about Jake before, but during sixth grade at Southington Heights Christian Academy, he and Pauley Border were whom I considered my best friends. We have kind of grown apart over the years, but the three of us always have a movie night whenever Jake is in town. (He moved north to Fort Yates.) So today we went to see TRON: LEGACY. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't my favorite. I hate the ending. Anyways, I was so happy to see Jake and Pauley!
Hmm, what else? I haven't seen my sisters or Joseph all that much, which sucks, but I did get to see them at least once. Joss, Claire, and Joseph were at the surprise party and I've seen Bennie twice. The only one I haven't seen is Ally and I have four presents for her! Perhaps I'll go over tomorrow. I need to sometime.
Anyways, Happy New Year from your favorite fat cynic, Harmony Margaret Juniper Leeann Heloise Walker-Lowell. Also, Merry Belated Christmas, Happy Late Hanukkah, Merry After Kwanzaa, et cetera. =)
Hugz,
HM
Sorry I have not posted in a while. My email with Ally was down and she's the main reader of my blog, Claire a close second. I didn't see a point in posting for no one. Plus, I have been kind of bust. Not a lot, except for finals (easy), but busy enough. Speaking of school, I am bummed that vacation went by so fast and I STILL haven't started reading GREAT EXPECTATIONS. It just means a buttload of work when I get back to school and I hate that. Poop.
Anyways, Christmas was kind of bittersweet. I got to see Josie and Jeremy and Uncle Sam and (ugh) Aunt Gertie at dinner a few days beforehand and I spent all day Christmas Day with Josie and Jeremy. I love my little cousins, they are so cute. And I had my family - Bev, Dad, Bentley, Sam, Gertie, Josie, Jeremy, Gertie's dad Lorenzo, Josephine, Nana, and Gramps. But the bitter part: I got five items, out of thirty, that I wanted. That's not even twenty percent. It's like Nana and Bev are TRYING not to listen to me and they do a really great job. I know, I know, "HM, you should be thankful that you even GET presents! Think about those kids in Uganda who are dying!"
Screw you. I want my fricking presents. (Though I did donate my entire bank account - what little was left, about two hundred bucks - to the Invisible Children fund AND I made one of those Samaritan's Purse boxes. So stuff it.)
I threw Claire a surprise party yesterday. Her birthday is three days after Christmas so she rarely gets a party. We went to this karaoke restaurant that she loves - we call it the "NASCAR Bar" because of the rednecks - and surprised her so badly that she screamed. I just told her that Joseph, Ernie, and William were taking her to dinner for her birthday and we did technically but I think she peed her pants with surprise. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! She loved it. And, through the magic of Facebook (yes, we have Internet in South Dakota too!), I managed to get some of her friends that she hasn't seen in forever.
Speaking of people someone hasn't seen in forever, JAKE MICHAELS CAME TO TOWN! I don't know if I said anything much about Jake before, but during sixth grade at Southington Heights Christian Academy, he and Pauley Border were whom I considered my best friends. We have kind of grown apart over the years, but the three of us always have a movie night whenever Jake is in town. (He moved north to Fort Yates.) So today we went to see TRON: LEGACY. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't my favorite. I hate the ending. Anyways, I was so happy to see Jake and Pauley!
Hmm, what else? I haven't seen my sisters or Joseph all that much, which sucks, but I did get to see them at least once. Joss, Claire, and Joseph were at the surprise party and I've seen Bennie twice. The only one I haven't seen is Ally and I have four presents for her! Perhaps I'll go over tomorrow. I need to sometime.
Anyways, Happy New Year from your favorite fat cynic, Harmony Margaret Juniper Leeann Heloise Walker-Lowell. Also, Merry Belated Christmas, Happy Late Hanukkah, Merry After Kwanzaa, et cetera. =)
Hugz,
HM
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Halloween
Greetings.
Well it is my first Halloween post and - guess what - I DON'T GET TO GO TRICK-OR-TREATING, WHICH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO DO!!!!!!!!!!! I am stuck at home. Ally is going trick-or-treating with Colleen and her friends from school, Claire can't trick-or-treat just because it's SUNDAY (right now, I really hate Mormonism), and even BENTLEY is ditching me and going to a party or something like that with either a group of girls from school or a group of girls from his game show or a group of girls from theater. (Notice a pattern here?)
Well, this SUCKS. Like, MARJORLY. I LIVE for free candy - especially Reese's and anything chocolatey and peanut buttery - and All Hallow's Eve is a cornucopia of free candy. I LOVE candy, as do most fatties, and I want some! Joseph doesn't even do Halloween. Since everyone else ditched me, I called him to see if I could come hang out but he's working on Calculus (I TOLD him not to take it, but did he listen to me, NOOOOOO) and his dad is going over to paint his mother's house so they can sell it.
...Halloween just got really depressing.
But anyways, I'm stuck here. I want to go out someplace but there's nowhere to go when you're not trick-or-treating on Halloween. And, Claire, if you say church, I will hurt you. Is it wrong of me to want to start crying? Ah, crap, too late...
Hugz
HM
Well it is my first Halloween post and - guess what - I DON'T GET TO GO TRICK-OR-TREATING, WHICH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO DO!!!!!!!!!!! I am stuck at home. Ally is going trick-or-treating with Colleen and her friends from school, Claire can't trick-or-treat just because it's SUNDAY (right now, I really hate Mormonism), and even BENTLEY is ditching me and going to a party or something like that with either a group of girls from school or a group of girls from his game show or a group of girls from theater. (Notice a pattern here?)
Well, this SUCKS. Like, MARJORLY. I LIVE for free candy - especially Reese's and anything chocolatey and peanut buttery - and All Hallow's Eve is a cornucopia of free candy. I LOVE candy, as do most fatties, and I want some! Joseph doesn't even do Halloween. Since everyone else ditched me, I called him to see if I could come hang out but he's working on Calculus (I TOLD him not to take it, but did he listen to me, NOOOOOO) and his dad is going over to paint his mother's house so they can sell it.
...Halloween just got really depressing.
But anyways, I'm stuck here. I want to go out someplace but there's nowhere to go when you're not trick-or-treating on Halloween. And, Claire, if you say church, I will hurt you. Is it wrong of me to want to start crying? Ah, crap, too late...
Hugz
HM
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
School and Other Pleasures
Greetings.
Well, I love school. I have to admit it. I might as well tattoo the word "Geek" my forehead. I don't mind. I love being a geek. I would hate to be powerless and stupid. I love being smart. Granted, the social part of school I could sometimes live without like in seventh grade when my school - MY ENTIRE SCHOOL - pretty much left me for dead. But I wouldn't want to cut it out COMPLETELY. It just so happens that I love my school friends.
I digress.
Well, I have the EASIEST schedule ever. So some nights I have no homework. And on those nights... well... Dad suggests that I job hunt. I have tried that. BELIEVE me. And so in lieu of that, Bev suggests... shudder... the GYM. What do I choose? The gym. I am still struggling with my weight. But I am struggling MORE with the gym. I have no lung capacity, I have realized. And I sweat like Hell. And I always feel like someone is judging me. I go to this pretty good gym: it has a LADIES' SECTION. I love it. No demeaning stares from hotter guys. Just hotter women. And I don't give a crap about them. (Well actually yesterday I ran into my hairdresser, Julie. It was a little embarrassing.)
I'm really strong. So I love doing the shoulder and arm workout machines they have. But legs... that's my weak point. I tried that biking machine. HA! I lasted fifteen minutes. FIFTEEN MINUTES. I felt like John Pinette! And that's REALLY not good. So I swam today because I didn't want to drive and I STILL felt stupid because I don't know HOW long I lasted. And NOW Bev has this new diet she got from her doctor. I wish people would leave me alone. Although the diet looks tempting. Instead of one of my meals I'd drink a shake. If it's berry (or JAMBA JUICE! YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!) I'm game. So yeah... I really hate exercise.
Wait, how did I get from school and the other good things in my life to THE GYM? (barf)
(reading, lips moving along with the words...) ...Oh. That's how.
Hugz
HM
Also, keep Ally in your thoughts. She tore her ACL, kind of an Achilles heel (oh, the irony) for an athlete. Love you, Allyson!
Well, I love school. I have to admit it. I might as well tattoo the word "Geek" my forehead. I don't mind. I love being a geek. I would hate to be powerless and stupid. I love being smart. Granted, the social part of school I could sometimes live without like in seventh grade when my school - MY ENTIRE SCHOOL - pretty much left me for dead. But I wouldn't want to cut it out COMPLETELY. It just so happens that I love my school friends.
I digress.
Well, I have the EASIEST schedule ever. So some nights I have no homework. And on those nights... well... Dad suggests that I job hunt. I have tried that. BELIEVE me. And so in lieu of that, Bev suggests... shudder... the GYM. What do I choose? The gym. I am still struggling with my weight. But I am struggling MORE with the gym. I have no lung capacity, I have realized. And I sweat like Hell. And I always feel like someone is judging me. I go to this pretty good gym: it has a LADIES' SECTION. I love it. No demeaning stares from hotter guys. Just hotter women. And I don't give a crap about them. (Well actually yesterday I ran into my hairdresser, Julie. It was a little embarrassing.)
I'm really strong. So I love doing the shoulder and arm workout machines they have. But legs... that's my weak point. I tried that biking machine. HA! I lasted fifteen minutes. FIFTEEN MINUTES. I felt like John Pinette! And that's REALLY not good. So I swam today because I didn't want to drive and I STILL felt stupid because I don't know HOW long I lasted. And NOW Bev has this new diet she got from her doctor. I wish people would leave me alone. Although the diet looks tempting. Instead of one of my meals I'd drink a shake. If it's berry (or JAMBA JUICE! YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!) I'm game. So yeah... I really hate exercise.
Wait, how did I get from school and the other good things in my life to THE GYM? (barf)
(reading, lips moving along with the words...) ...Oh. That's how.
Hugz
HM
Also, keep Ally in your thoughts. She tore her ACL, kind of an Achilles heel (oh, the irony) for an athlete. Love you, Allyson!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Independence Day (also Homecoming)
Greetings.
It's been a while since I have posted something. I don't know where to start, so I'll start with today.
As you can tell, today is Independence Day, the Fourth of July. The day all the furniture stores have monster sales that save you 'Washingtons". Cheap paper plates, tri-tip, and fireworks are very common around my house on 7/4. Bentley and Dad work on our backyard for our big Independence Day bonanza like cleaning off the patio and scrubbing the pool while Bev and I vacuum and dust and Windex and mop and do everything on the inside. I hate cleaning. Organizing I can do, cleaning, not a chance. Unless I'm paid.
Then the usuals come over: Ally, Colleen, Wanda, Robert Clay, Aunt Gertie, Uncle Sam, Jeremy, and Josie Lowell, a few stragglers whose names I have never bothered to learn, and sometimes our neighbors from across the street, the Andersons. Joy Ann has been quite smitten with Bentley for as long as I can remember. And I had a crush on her older brother Corbin when I was little. We all swim, eat barbecue, and then wait for dark to start the fireworks. Joy Ann, Bentley, Colleen, and some of the stragglers' littler ones have fun with sparklers. Sometimes Ally and I join in but I'm not a big sparklers girl. Bev hides in the house; she's a pyrophobe. Then as soon as the sun sets, Dad breaks out the good stuff. I'm not talking about sissy Piccolo Petes here (please, no, they give me headaches) I'm talking big ol' honking dinosaur fireworks. While Bev is a pyrophobe, Bentley and Dad are pyromaniacs. They LOVE their fire. I am flexible either way. But I like 7/4 because I get to see Ally. I STILL have her birthday presents from MAY.
Another thing; I was working Vacation Bible School with the kids and Joseph was playing (ironically) Joseph, like the guy with the coat with a lot of colors, in the VBS skit thing. Beforehand, he was just being really... playful. He was messing with my face, like pushing it around and stuff, and I asked him why. He just shrugged and said "I dunno." It was great...
I actually like working with the kids. I'm really good with kids. They like me too. I know how to talk to them, Bev says. Now I'm torn between teaching elementary or high school students. I love the little kids, ideally I'd teach third or second grade, but I want to teach a high school curriculum. I even have extra credit assignments ready, assignments that I can't do with little kids. And I just want t teach both. I love both. I'm torn...
Hugz
HM
It's been a while since I have posted something. I don't know where to start, so I'll start with today.
As you can tell, today is Independence Day, the Fourth of July. The day all the furniture stores have monster sales that save you 'Washingtons". Cheap paper plates, tri-tip, and fireworks are very common around my house on 7/4. Bentley and Dad work on our backyard for our big Independence Day bonanza like cleaning off the patio and scrubbing the pool while Bev and I vacuum and dust and Windex and mop and do everything on the inside. I hate cleaning. Organizing I can do, cleaning, not a chance. Unless I'm paid.
Then the usuals come over: Ally, Colleen, Wanda, Robert Clay, Aunt Gertie, Uncle Sam, Jeremy, and Josie Lowell, a few stragglers whose names I have never bothered to learn, and sometimes our neighbors from across the street, the Andersons. Joy Ann has been quite smitten with Bentley for as long as I can remember. And I had a crush on her older brother Corbin when I was little. We all swim, eat barbecue, and then wait for dark to start the fireworks. Joy Ann, Bentley, Colleen, and some of the stragglers' littler ones have fun with sparklers. Sometimes Ally and I join in but I'm not a big sparklers girl. Bev hides in the house; she's a pyrophobe. Then as soon as the sun sets, Dad breaks out the good stuff. I'm not talking about sissy Piccolo Petes here (please, no, they give me headaches) I'm talking big ol' honking dinosaur fireworks. While Bev is a pyrophobe, Bentley and Dad are pyromaniacs. They LOVE their fire. I am flexible either way. But I like 7/4 because I get to see Ally. I STILL have her birthday presents from MAY.
Another thing; I was working Vacation Bible School with the kids and Joseph was playing (ironically) Joseph, like the guy with the coat with a lot of colors, in the VBS skit thing. Beforehand, he was just being really... playful. He was messing with my face, like pushing it around and stuff, and I asked him why. He just shrugged and said "I dunno." It was great...
I actually like working with the kids. I'm really good with kids. They like me too. I know how to talk to them, Bev says. Now I'm torn between teaching elementary or high school students. I love the little kids, ideally I'd teach third or second grade, but I want to teach a high school curriculum. I even have extra credit assignments ready, assignments that I can't do with little kids. And I just want t teach both. I love both. I'm torn...
Hugz
HM
Sunday, June 6, 2010
The Amazing and Wonderful Allyson Vivian Clay
Greetings.
As I have stated many many many many many many times in the past, Ally is my sister. We met in daycare when we were three months old. Our mothers discovered that Ally was exactly two weeks older than I and they bonded over raising their girls. She lived around the corner from me until our families moved when we were five. She has a little sister, Colleen, with whom Bentley was in love with for the longest time, a mom, Wanda, and a dad, Robert. Both her parents are big in athletics; her mom is a high school P.E. teacher and volleyball coach, whose team has won state many many times, and her dad is the head of the Phys. Ed. Department at a university. And all of that athletics rubbed off on her.
Ally is a national champion in track and field. Discus especially, but she's fabulous in shot put too. She's broken record after record after record and she even went to the WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS. She got SECOND in the WORLD in DISCUS. (If that doesn't get her a scholarship, idk what will.) To top it all off, she's got good grades, though she's not that fond of Spanish, and she's a people person. She has only one flaw, well, one that I comment upon: She underestimates herself. And it bugs the Hell out of me. She doesn't think she's popular, yet I know people all over the state know her name. She thinks that just because she has super muscly legs (whereas I have super flabby ones) and can't find jeans that fit over her Supergirl thighs and her petite waist that she's fat. She doesn't think guys like her. And it really bugs me. I mean, when your hero has the same insecurities you do (even though hers is TOTALLY unfounded), it's kind of a downer.
And another thing I love about her: she and Claire are the two people I trust most with my dealio with Joseph. However, since I haven't seen Claire (cry cry) in a while, I have to turn to Ally most often since we chat via email. She is good with the advice, she gets excited when I need her to, and she points out hope when I don't see it. But she has never disillusioned me about love; she knows it's not a fairy tale. And get this: My hero envies me. ME. (Oh, God, now I'm crying. Why? Why, oh, why?) She says she's jealous that I have found someone like Joseph, someone to adore with all my heart, which I do and she knows it.
(While we're on the subject of Joseph, I think I'm getting obsessed. Repeat after me: "I, [insert name here], will not boil any bunnies, even if Joseph ticks me off." I don't think I could anyways. I love bunnies. I had three or four...)
I love you, Ally. Happy late birthday. AND I STILL HAVE YOUR PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugz
HM
As I have stated many many many many many many times in the past, Ally is my sister. We met in daycare when we were three months old. Our mothers discovered that Ally was exactly two weeks older than I and they bonded over raising their girls. She lived around the corner from me until our families moved when we were five. She has a little sister, Colleen, with whom Bentley was in love with for the longest time, a mom, Wanda, and a dad, Robert. Both her parents are big in athletics; her mom is a high school P.E. teacher and volleyball coach, whose team has won state many many times, and her dad is the head of the Phys. Ed. Department at a university. And all of that athletics rubbed off on her.
Ally is a national champion in track and field. Discus especially, but she's fabulous in shot put too. She's broken record after record after record and she even went to the WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS. She got SECOND in the WORLD in DISCUS. (If that doesn't get her a scholarship, idk what will.) To top it all off, she's got good grades, though she's not that fond of Spanish, and she's a people person. She has only one flaw, well, one that I comment upon: She underestimates herself. And it bugs the Hell out of me. She doesn't think she's popular, yet I know people all over the state know her name. She thinks that just because she has super muscly legs (whereas I have super flabby ones) and can't find jeans that fit over her Supergirl thighs and her petite waist that she's fat. She doesn't think guys like her. And it really bugs me. I mean, when your hero has the same insecurities you do (even though hers is TOTALLY unfounded), it's kind of a downer.
And another thing I love about her: she and Claire are the two people I trust most with my dealio with Joseph. However, since I haven't seen Claire (cry cry) in a while, I have to turn to Ally most often since we chat via email. She is good with the advice, she gets excited when I need her to, and she points out hope when I don't see it. But she has never disillusioned me about love; she knows it's not a fairy tale. And get this: My hero envies me. ME. (Oh, God, now I'm crying. Why? Why, oh, why?) She says she's jealous that I have found someone like Joseph, someone to adore with all my heart, which I do and she knows it.
(While we're on the subject of Joseph, I think I'm getting obsessed. Repeat after me: "I, [insert name here], will not boil any bunnies, even if Joseph ticks me off." I don't think I could anyways. I love bunnies. I had three or four...)
I love you, Ally. Happy late birthday. AND I STILL HAVE YOUR PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugz
HM
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
What Should I Do...?
Greetings.
Well, here's the time of year I both dread and anticipate the most: my birthday. It's in less than three weeks. Ally's is in less than a week. And I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do. For the past six or seven years, we've had a pool party, barbecued, watched a movie, and opened presents. Easy-peasy, right? But I'm so bored of my birthday. I want to do something I've never done for my birthday this year. Mostly because my past birthdays have been a disaster.
For my fifteenth one, the first person to arrive was over an hour late. It was Joseph. But the thing is no one called to say, "Hey, we're running late." For a whole hour and twenty-two minutes, I thought everyone had forgotten my birthday. I was sitting in my living room with my bathing suit on and sitting in the armchair facing the door. I sat like that, not doing anything else (except cry after the first fifty-five minutes) for an hour and twenty-two minutes. It was awful. I thought the people that I loved most in the world had forgotten me. And then, when the people did show up, only half came and Bennie and I were the only girls. (Not a total loss.) It was Bennie, Joseph, Roland, Freddy, Pauley, Jake, Bentley, Bentley's best friend Toby Brunstedt, and I. That was it. I still had fun, I guess. But I was so very hurt. Everyone RSVP'd that they were coming...
For my sixteenth, we had the pool party, but Claire couldn't make it and we found out that my cousin, Ginger Overstreet, was coming a day late. So it was me, Joesph, Bennie, Pauley, Roland, Nate (I had invited him before we broke up and Bev made me let him come), Toby, Bentley, Joss, Ally, and Colleen. (Ally and Colleen came for about half an hour. Or was that my fourteenth? I forget...) I enjoyed myself. I love my friends. And then on my actual birthday, Bev took Claire, Ginger (who had arrived the day before), and I to Six Flags. I got whatever I wanted because Bev knew that I was really hurt that a lot of the people I invited didn't come again. (koff koff Aaron koff koff Remy koff koff)
But now... what to do? Ally has been pestering me for forever about meeting Joseph (he's the only one of my best friends/sisters she hasn't met yet) and I have been pestering her for forever about finally making it to one of my birthday parties. So we figure we combine the two. But the question is how? I don't like GOING to the movies. (But I like movies at home. I like subtitles. So sue me. But if were up to Bentley, he would.) I figured an enormous dinner or something like that would be good... or bowling. I haven't been bowling in years... Or ice skating. But I don't know if Joseph would like that... He's very picky and stubborn, even when it comes to activities. Uuuuuuuugggggghhhh what do I do? I want all of my friends to come: Pauley, Ally, Colleen, Bentley, Claire, Bennie, Joss, Toby (Bev and Dad make us invite one of the other's friends to birthday parties so they aren't alone), Joseph, and Jake. But I know Jake can't come; he moved out of town a year ago... I cry when I think about him too much. He was one of my best friends. And I don't know about Roland...
Help me!
Hugz
HM
Well, here's the time of year I both dread and anticipate the most: my birthday. It's in less than three weeks. Ally's is in less than a week. And I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do. For the past six or seven years, we've had a pool party, barbecued, watched a movie, and opened presents. Easy-peasy, right? But I'm so bored of my birthday. I want to do something I've never done for my birthday this year. Mostly because my past birthdays have been a disaster.
For my fifteenth one, the first person to arrive was over an hour late. It was Joseph. But the thing is no one called to say, "Hey, we're running late." For a whole hour and twenty-two minutes, I thought everyone had forgotten my birthday. I was sitting in my living room with my bathing suit on and sitting in the armchair facing the door. I sat like that, not doing anything else (except cry after the first fifty-five minutes) for an hour and twenty-two minutes. It was awful. I thought the people that I loved most in the world had forgotten me. And then, when the people did show up, only half came and Bennie and I were the only girls. (Not a total loss.) It was Bennie, Joseph, Roland, Freddy, Pauley, Jake, Bentley, Bentley's best friend Toby Brunstedt, and I. That was it. I still had fun, I guess. But I was so very hurt. Everyone RSVP'd that they were coming...
For my sixteenth, we had the pool party, but Claire couldn't make it and we found out that my cousin, Ginger Overstreet, was coming a day late. So it was me, Joesph, Bennie, Pauley, Roland, Nate (I had invited him before we broke up and Bev made me let him come), Toby, Bentley, Joss, Ally, and Colleen. (Ally and Colleen came for about half an hour. Or was that my fourteenth? I forget...) I enjoyed myself. I love my friends. And then on my actual birthday, Bev took Claire, Ginger (who had arrived the day before), and I to Six Flags. I got whatever I wanted because Bev knew that I was really hurt that a lot of the people I invited didn't come again. (koff koff Aaron koff koff Remy koff koff)
But now... what to do? Ally has been pestering me for forever about meeting Joseph (he's the only one of my best friends/sisters she hasn't met yet) and I have been pestering her for forever about finally making it to one of my birthday parties. So we figure we combine the two. But the question is how? I don't like GOING to the movies. (But I like movies at home. I like subtitles. So sue me. But if were up to Bentley, he would.) I figured an enormous dinner or something like that would be good... or bowling. I haven't been bowling in years... Or ice skating. But I don't know if Joseph would like that... He's very picky and stubborn, even when it comes to activities. Uuuuuuuugggggghhhh what do I do? I want all of my friends to come: Pauley, Ally, Colleen, Bentley, Claire, Bennie, Joss, Toby (Bev and Dad make us invite one of the other's friends to birthday parties so they aren't alone), Joseph, and Jake. But I know Jake can't come; he moved out of town a year ago... I cry when I think about him too much. He was one of my best friends. And I don't know about Roland...
Help me!
Hugz
HM
Monday, May 10, 2010
Choir: The Last Cry-fest
Greetings.
Are seniors in choir always such big crybabies? I mean, if they're that good of friends, then they'll see each other after high school. Why is it such a big deal? I mean, I have four sisters. One I have known almost since birth. I KNOW I'll at least keep in touch with Ally, hopefully see her more often. Claire, I have known since I was five when we moved into our new house. That's not a problem. And I am not worried about Joseph. I asked him, "Do you think we'll still be friends after high school?"
He said, after thinking for about two seconds, "Yeah, I think so." So I'm not worried there.
And honestly, I am not worried about maintaining my friendship with Bennie, sister of four years, and Joss, two. All three of us want to go to the community college near our house and Bennie and I have even discussed being roomies in a apartment when we get out of community college and go to real college (which is also near our houses). So, I have no clue why these seniors are crying. Mary June was blubbering like a freaking baby and clutching her two best friends, Marina Brown and Malissa Green. It was weird. Aaron and I even made up, that's how sentimental everyone was.
However, there was one casualty. I had to say good-bye to my friend, whose chubby physique makes me want to hug him like a teddy bear, which I often do, Zach Lorrin. He's kind of like the anti-Harmony Margaret. I'm innocent and cute. He's... not. (But he's huggable, so that helps.) But he decided to take pity on innocent me and include me in his conversations with his best friend, Ty Aggart, half of which I don't understand. (Zach says that's good; I haven't been totally corrupted yet.)
Sigh... I am going to miss Zach, Aaron, Remy, and Ty. Aaron and Remy I have known for years. And Zach and Ty were fun.
Hmm. Now that I think about it I am not too keen on the end of the year... Oh well, I still have Bennie, Ally, Joss, Joseph, and Claire. And that's enough.
Hugz
HM
Are seniors in choir always such big crybabies? I mean, if they're that good of friends, then they'll see each other after high school. Why is it such a big deal? I mean, I have four sisters. One I have known almost since birth. I KNOW I'll at least keep in touch with Ally, hopefully see her more often. Claire, I have known since I was five when we moved into our new house. That's not a problem. And I am not worried about Joseph. I asked him, "Do you think we'll still be friends after high school?"
He said, after thinking for about two seconds, "Yeah, I think so." So I'm not worried there.
And honestly, I am not worried about maintaining my friendship with Bennie, sister of four years, and Joss, two. All three of us want to go to the community college near our house and Bennie and I have even discussed being roomies in a apartment when we get out of community college and go to real college (which is also near our houses). So, I have no clue why these seniors are crying. Mary June was blubbering like a freaking baby and clutching her two best friends, Marina Brown and Malissa Green. It was weird. Aaron and I even made up, that's how sentimental everyone was.
However, there was one casualty. I had to say good-bye to my friend, whose chubby physique makes me want to hug him like a teddy bear, which I often do, Zach Lorrin. He's kind of like the anti-Harmony Margaret. I'm innocent and cute. He's... not. (But he's huggable, so that helps.) But he decided to take pity on innocent me and include me in his conversations with his best friend, Ty Aggart, half of which I don't understand. (Zach says that's good; I haven't been totally corrupted yet.)
Sigh... I am going to miss Zach, Aaron, Remy, and Ty. Aaron and Remy I have known for years. And Zach and Ty were fun.
Hmm. Now that I think about it I am not too keen on the end of the year... Oh well, I still have Bennie, Ally, Joss, Joseph, and Claire. And that's enough.
Hugz
HM
Monday, April 19, 2010
Monday
Greetings.
Anyone who knows me knows I am not in the greatest of shape. (Shut up.) So Bev is making me be more strict about my Weight Watchers diet. AND I have to go to the gym. AND I have to exercise WAY more. I HATE Mondays. Mondays are evil. Mondays make you diet. Mondays are TERRIBLE. GARFIELD IS COMPLETELY RIGHT!!!!!!!
And Ally has this new "cuddle buddy" named Tyson. SHE NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THIS GUY. She's been complaining about me being more open and complaining about guys for a LONG time. And then she goes and meets Tyson out of nowhere and I don't even get to meet the guy!!!!!! She's going to prom with Emilio. (If she cancels, her butt is grass and I am a John Deere Super Riding Lawn Mower.) I am not happy. She's confusing me with Tyson coming out of nowhere and Emilio and just AUGH! I wish she'd be more clear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ugh I am not in a good mood and this isn't helping today. Type more tomorrow.
Hugz
HM
Anyone who knows me knows I am not in the greatest of shape. (Shut up.) So Bev is making me be more strict about my Weight Watchers diet. AND I have to go to the gym. AND I have to exercise WAY more. I HATE Mondays. Mondays are evil. Mondays make you diet. Mondays are TERRIBLE. GARFIELD IS COMPLETELY RIGHT!!!!!!!
And Ally has this new "cuddle buddy" named Tyson. SHE NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THIS GUY. She's been complaining about me being more open and complaining about guys for a LONG time. And then she goes and meets Tyson out of nowhere and I don't even get to meet the guy!!!!!! She's going to prom with Emilio. (If she cancels, her butt is grass and I am a John Deere Super Riding Lawn Mower.) I am not happy. She's confusing me with Tyson coming out of nowhere and Emilio and just AUGH! I wish she'd be more clear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ugh I am not in a good mood and this isn't helping today. Type more tomorrow.
Hugz
HM
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Sick Day
Greetings.
I hate it when I'm sick. I hate making up the homework and the quizzes and all that stuff. I hate not seeing my teachers (I can seriously enchant any teacher except for three. Long story) and I am sooooooooooooooooo bored during the day. But what I hate most: not hearing from my friends. Neither Joseph, Joss, Claire, nor Bennie contacts me all day except for when I tell Bennie that I'm not going to be there that day early in the morning. I hate that no one calls me. Just because I'm sick doesn't mean I want my friends to call me... It makes me sad when they don't talk to me...
Ally, however, talked to me. She and I email daily. She goes to a different school than I do so she and I don't see each other often. Today she was excited about a non-date date she had with a sophomore (we're both juniors and she's exactly two weeks older than I am) that we went to elementary school with, named Emilio Dominguez. They went to Jamba Juice and they just talked the whole time. She's even going to prom with him. I'm so excited for her.
I remember Emilio. He asked me to tutor him when we were younger, perhaps pre-middle school, upper elementary. He wasn't as motivated as he is now. I remember he hated coming in second in sports to our school's top athlete, a boy I had known since I was in preschool, Jordan King. (A basketball player's name if I ever heard one. We used to call him Michael Jordan. He even LOOKED like Michael Jordan, only a little darker.) Jordan and Emilio were good buddies when Emilio came to our school around second grade. But nevertheless, he was very competitive.
I remember Jordan too. When we were in kindergarten in daycare together, we played a game. It was kind of like a superhero game. He would pretend to be weak and helpless until I gave him my sports drink that I always saved from lunch. (You know, those ones with the twistable tops that were almost impossible for a five-year-old to take off?) Then he'd turn into Superman and he'd run all around the playground and do all these stunts, for me. I remember Jordan didn't speak to me as much when we entered first grade, thinking girls were yucky, you know the phase. But it hit me kind of hard. I was six and I had "lost" a really good friend. He never really came back. He'd say hi, but it was never the same. Though I still always gave him my sports drink. =)
Anyways, Emilio and Jordan were the two "it" guys at our elementary/middle school. And looking back on it, they were the "it" guys for the right reasons. Not only were they the jocks and the popular guys, but they were much sweeter than most of the other guys at school, like Bryan Samuels, who pushed me down in kindergarten and caused my front tooth to go up into my jaw (that tooth didn't grow back for three years), or Judd Hinton, who terrorized my friends Pauley Border and Jake Michaels from preschool on. They were also "it" guys, athletic and popular, but they were mean to the core.
I'm getting SO off track. Ally and Emilio are having fun. Yay. I'd better stop now before I cry because I miss the good old days...
Hugz (and drink a sports drink for me and Jordan)
HM
I hate it when I'm sick. I hate making up the homework and the quizzes and all that stuff. I hate not seeing my teachers (I can seriously enchant any teacher except for three. Long story) and I am sooooooooooooooooo bored during the day. But what I hate most: not hearing from my friends. Neither Joseph, Joss, Claire, nor Bennie contacts me all day except for when I tell Bennie that I'm not going to be there that day early in the morning. I hate that no one calls me. Just because I'm sick doesn't mean I want my friends to call me... It makes me sad when they don't talk to me...
Ally, however, talked to me. She and I email daily. She goes to a different school than I do so she and I don't see each other often. Today she was excited about a non-date date she had with a sophomore (we're both juniors and she's exactly two weeks older than I am) that we went to elementary school with, named Emilio Dominguez. They went to Jamba Juice and they just talked the whole time. She's even going to prom with him. I'm so excited for her.
I remember Emilio. He asked me to tutor him when we were younger, perhaps pre-middle school, upper elementary. He wasn't as motivated as he is now. I remember he hated coming in second in sports to our school's top athlete, a boy I had known since I was in preschool, Jordan King. (A basketball player's name if I ever heard one. We used to call him Michael Jordan. He even LOOKED like Michael Jordan, only a little darker.) Jordan and Emilio were good buddies when Emilio came to our school around second grade. But nevertheless, he was very competitive.
I remember Jordan too. When we were in kindergarten in daycare together, we played a game. It was kind of like a superhero game. He would pretend to be weak and helpless until I gave him my sports drink that I always saved from lunch. (You know, those ones with the twistable tops that were almost impossible for a five-year-old to take off?) Then he'd turn into Superman and he'd run all around the playground and do all these stunts, for me. I remember Jordan didn't speak to me as much when we entered first grade, thinking girls were yucky, you know the phase. But it hit me kind of hard. I was six and I had "lost" a really good friend. He never really came back. He'd say hi, but it was never the same. Though I still always gave him my sports drink. =)
Anyways, Emilio and Jordan were the two "it" guys at our elementary/middle school. And looking back on it, they were the "it" guys for the right reasons. Not only were they the jocks and the popular guys, but they were much sweeter than most of the other guys at school, like Bryan Samuels, who pushed me down in kindergarten and caused my front tooth to go up into my jaw (that tooth didn't grow back for three years), or Judd Hinton, who terrorized my friends Pauley Border and Jake Michaels from preschool on. They were also "it" guys, athletic and popular, but they were mean to the core.
I'm getting SO off track. Ally and Emilio are having fun. Yay. I'd better stop now before I cry because I miss the good old days...
Hugz (and drink a sports drink for me and Jordan)
HM
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Better Day
Greetings.
Ally's cousin is SOOOO HOT!! I mean, I just saw a pic of him on Facebook and I swear I started to drool. (of course I didn't really) But zomg he's gorgeous! And the mean part is she rubs it in my face. She's sitting there in the picture with him! =P I mean, I love Joseph and everything but he has not reciprocated so I can drool over as many guys as I want. And I am soooo not cheating by doing that... right? Oh, how would I know? Well, Bev does say that she thinks Ryan Reynolds is hot and Dad doesn't say anything about it. Oh well. Ally's cousin Craig is hot and I shall be fantasizing about him for no less than two weeks.
Today went better with Joseph. We laughed and he actually noticed that I had been moody and depressed for like the last week. I felt a lot better. (sing song voice) He noticed, he noticed, he noticed, he noticed! (stops) Okay, I'm done now... No, I'm not, I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!!! And at the same time I feel pathetic that that little thing made me so happy...
Hugz
HM
Ally's cousin is SOOOO HOT!! I mean, I just saw a pic of him on Facebook and I swear I started to drool. (of course I didn't really) But zomg he's gorgeous! And the mean part is she rubs it in my face. She's sitting there in the picture with him! =P I mean, I love Joseph and everything but he has not reciprocated so I can drool over as many guys as I want. And I am soooo not cheating by doing that... right? Oh, how would I know? Well, Bev does say that she thinks Ryan Reynolds is hot and Dad doesn't say anything about it. Oh well. Ally's cousin Craig is hot and I shall be fantasizing about him for no less than two weeks.
Today went better with Joseph. We laughed and he actually noticed that I had been moody and depressed for like the last week. I felt a lot better. (sing song voice) He noticed, he noticed, he noticed, he noticed! (stops) Okay, I'm done now... No, I'm not, I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!!! And at the same time I feel pathetic that that little thing made me so happy...
Hugz
HM
Monday, April 12, 2010
I HATE MEN
Greetings.
Another complain-y blog post. I HATE MEN. MALES. SUCK. SO. MUCH. Okay, as I probably posted (I can't remember), last Friday I kissed Joseph on the cheek again at his grandmother's funeral reception. And he wiped. It. Off. It really hurt my feelings that I pretty much cried on the way home. I cried to Claire about it later that day, I have been whining to Ally about it all weekend, and finally today I confronted him. The conversation went amazingly similar to the following:
"You remember what happened on Friday? As I was leaving?" I asked him outside of third period Physics. (He and I have the same teacher, different periods.)
"Yeah," he said. I was really pissed off. I had had the WORST weekend ever and the fact that he hurt my feelings was still foremost on my mind at the moment.
"I won't do it again," I said honestly and quietly. I wanted it to show that I was hurt. He didn't get it. He nodded.
"For the record, that was awkward," he said. I snapped. I was mad and hurt and upset and sad enough to begin with but that was the final straw.
"Oh, shut up," I snapped. I turned to stalk off. He called after me.
"Well, it was!"
"Shut up!" I snapped again. And I don't even feel sorry for it.
I am such a poisonous person. I can't love a sane human guy. I can't love an INsane human guy like a sane human being. He's a mannequin. I don't know why I care for him so much... He's great and everything, but he like HAS no hormones. At least, when it comes to love, romance, and all emotions connected to it. But I can't help it. He's kind, caring, quiet, thoughtful, sincere, and interesting. He's wonderful even if he's stubborn, occasionally obnoxious, absorbed in fantasy, and emotionally unavailable.
I must be sick. Someone have Ducky from NCIS give me a psychological analysis.... Preferably while I'm alive.
Oh, and someone prevent me from beating my laptop to a pulp.
Hugz
HM
Another complain-y blog post. I HATE MEN. MALES. SUCK. SO. MUCH. Okay, as I probably posted (I can't remember), last Friday I kissed Joseph on the cheek again at his grandmother's funeral reception. And he wiped. It. Off. It really hurt my feelings that I pretty much cried on the way home. I cried to Claire about it later that day, I have been whining to Ally about it all weekend, and finally today I confronted him. The conversation went amazingly similar to the following:
"You remember what happened on Friday? As I was leaving?" I asked him outside of third period Physics. (He and I have the same teacher, different periods.)
"Yeah," he said. I was really pissed off. I had had the WORST weekend ever and the fact that he hurt my feelings was still foremost on my mind at the moment.
"I won't do it again," I said honestly and quietly. I wanted it to show that I was hurt. He didn't get it. He nodded.
"For the record, that was awkward," he said. I snapped. I was mad and hurt and upset and sad enough to begin with but that was the final straw.
"Oh, shut up," I snapped. I turned to stalk off. He called after me.
"Well, it was!"
"Shut up!" I snapped again. And I don't even feel sorry for it.
I am such a poisonous person. I can't love a sane human guy. I can't love an INsane human guy like a sane human being. He's a mannequin. I don't know why I care for him so much... He's great and everything, but he like HAS no hormones. At least, when it comes to love, romance, and all emotions connected to it. But I can't help it. He's kind, caring, quiet, thoughtful, sincere, and interesting. He's wonderful even if he's stubborn, occasionally obnoxious, absorbed in fantasy, and emotionally unavailable.
I must be sick. Someone have Ducky from NCIS give me a psychological analysis.... Preferably while I'm alive.
Oh, and someone prevent me from beating my laptop to a pulp.
Hugz
HM
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Easter Eggs
Greetings.
Ally, her little sister Colleen, and their mom Wanda came over to dye Easter eggs a little while ago. That was fun. Bev and Wanda talked for a couple of hours, like they ALWAYS do when they get together, Wanda asked my dad to do her a favor with her phone because my dad is a technical genius, and Ally, Bentley, Colleen, and I dyed eggs. For some reason, our red dye didn't work and somehow the purple turned into another blue. So the colors we had were: yellow, blue, orange, and green. Our eggs are SO colorful.
Not.
After the dyeing was done, Wanda and Bev took picture after picture after picture... zzzzzz... They're really sentimental. But I don't get to see Ally and Colleen all that often so I love it when they come over, pictures and all. After the pictures, Ally and I got out my yearbook from last year and she picked out all the guys she thought were hot. Somehow, all the ones she picked out were all the guys I can't stand. It's weird, right? But we're almost polar opposites, so it makes sense. For instance, she likes to get FREAKAY when she dances. I don't dance. She's brave and forward and open and flirty when it comes to guys. I'm secretive and scared and chicken and gutless when it comes to guys, one guy in particular. (koff koff JOSEPH koff koff)
It's sad, really. Allyson Clay and I met when we were three months old. She's exactly two weeks older than I am. And it's a shame that none of her spunk rubbed off on me.
Hugz
HM
Ally, her little sister Colleen, and their mom Wanda came over to dye Easter eggs a little while ago. That was fun. Bev and Wanda talked for a couple of hours, like they ALWAYS do when they get together, Wanda asked my dad to do her a favor with her phone because my dad is a technical genius, and Ally, Bentley, Colleen, and I dyed eggs. For some reason, our red dye didn't work and somehow the purple turned into another blue. So the colors we had were: yellow, blue, orange, and green. Our eggs are SO colorful.
Not.
After the dyeing was done, Wanda and Bev took picture after picture after picture... zzzzzz... They're really sentimental. But I don't get to see Ally and Colleen all that often so I love it when they come over, pictures and all. After the pictures, Ally and I got out my yearbook from last year and she picked out all the guys she thought were hot. Somehow, all the ones she picked out were all the guys I can't stand. It's weird, right? But we're almost polar opposites, so it makes sense. For instance, she likes to get FREAKAY when she dances. I don't dance. She's brave and forward and open and flirty when it comes to guys. I'm secretive and scared and chicken and gutless when it comes to guys, one guy in particular. (koff koff JOSEPH koff koff)
It's sad, really. Allyson Clay and I met when we were three months old. She's exactly two weeks older than I am. And it's a shame that none of her spunk rubbed off on me.
Hugz
HM
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